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In the early stages of my grief, I was wandering around in a trance-like fog simply feeling lost and pretty destroyed as a result of losing my husband.  It was as if I died with him but I was left behind.

During this time, I was scouting the bargain racks at a neighborhood Barnes and Noble and saw a book called, When God Winks at You:  How The Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life.  I read the first story and it peaked my curiosity, so I bought it (see below).  Soon thereafter, I started to experience what I felt were potentially messages from my husband. 

For example, I was walking back home from the market one day, I came across an advertisement for a TV program called, "Did I really die?"  When I saw it, I whispered under my breath, "Yeah sweetie, you really did."  Another time, I was walking home from a Home Depot, and saw two large smiley type faces drawn in chalk on a wall.  One read, "Hello Grumpy" and the other read, "Be Happy."  There was a time when my husband did something that annoyed me and he walked over and  said the words, "Hello Grumpy" to me to make me smile.  Coincidences, perhaps, and some were less subtle than others but those "coincidences" meant something to me specifically.

So, I'm curious, have you experienced any Winks? 

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forgot to mention, on the way home I had lunch at a free BBQ at a hardware store that was having Customer Appreciation Day - that was the kind of thing Frank LOVED.

Beautiful God winks indeed Barb!

I had what I felt was a Wink just last night.  I was walking to my cabin in the North Fork of LI from town as it was getting later and darker.  I was getting a little concerned because it can get very dark in my area.  I was hoping to make it back before it got pitch but it got very dark very fast.  It was also overcast and large dark clouds seemed to be closing up the sky faster than usual.  I quickened my step and fished through my bag for my phone so that I could use the light feature.

Before I could find the phone in the abyss of a large tote I was carrying, a couple of large clouds opened up right by my cabin and the light of a very bright moon illuminated my path to the front door.  I just looked up and said, "Thank you."

Had breakfast this morning in a fun place where all the mugs are different.  Attached is a photo of the one I was served coffee in.

That is so wonderful Barb! Im going through a tough time right now, and I also have been noticing some things, that quickly say to me, "I'm here" from Mike. Its a comfort. Also, strangely, but wonderful, there have been a huge population of butterflies around my apartment recently. I live in a very nice apartment complex with lots of flowers and vegetation everywhere, I walk my dog all around the complex, and when I'm heading back to my apartment, I see it in the distance, I see butterflies all around my apartment, but not around anywhere else, in such a great concentration. Ive never noticed before how playful they are, with each other, they aren't afraid in the least, to land on my shoulder, head, rest a moment, say hello, then off they go again. Lol, I can't walk in or out my front door, without at least 2 or 3 chasing me to my car, wanting to land on me. Its so funny. I don't really get the feeling that this is Mike so much, as just god sending me a message that I'm ok, loved, doing right things, even though being told the contrary by others, that don't understand my position. I am grateful, whatever it is. One landed on my puppies nose, and it scared me, thought oh oh, that butterfly is doomed! Rocky's eyes crossed to see the butterfly on his nose, and I just about fell out of my chair, I was laughing so hard, and then Rocky did shake his head and snapped at the butterfly, but it escaped! Whew!
Thanks for sharing that Barb, hugs, Steve

My DH died 3 months ago.  I've had some upsetting emails from his son.  

When I tried to open the latest, most upsetting one, it my phone wouldn't let me scroll down to read the whole message- which got worse further on.  I thought it was my phone, but I could get into other emails received the same time and could scroll down. It was like DH not wanting me to read it.

I also found some upsetting things on my DH's  Google history and it also kept freezing and jumping out.

DH is definitely trying to communicate.



Hi Lindi,

I'm so sorry that you are even receiving such upsetting e-mails from his son.  It sounds as if he is going through his own difficult experience and, unfortunately, part of that is lashing out at you.  I am glad that you DH appears to be protecting you from those e-outbursts.

Wishing you strength, courage and peace on your journey.

I had another one the other night. I have been waking up in the middle of the night, I have heard this is a sign that your loved one may be nearby. So I couldn't get back to sleep for an hour or so, and at one point I got a very strong aroma of coffee.

Now the one thing I do since Frank passed,that I could never do before, is sleep in until I wake up naturally, and stay in bed as long as I want. He would get up early and wanted company.

Later on that day, it struck me " Wake up and smell the coffee." I think that's what he was telling me.
Barb, that is so nice! I here you with not being able to wake up naturally before your husband passed, I was in the same situation. I try to now, but my 2 dogs usually wake me to go potty first. Anyways I am so glad that you had that moment with your husband.

Hi Barb,

It's been 3 1/2 years since my Patrick passed and I'm starting to experience that broken sleep once more.  I bought some Swiss Chocolate Almond flavored coffee from a neighborhood shop just last weekend because he loved that flavor.  They grind the beans and when you open the bag, it is usually very fragrant for at least a day or so.  However, on this occasion, I hadn't even opened the brown bag and the moment I stepped into the apartment, I could smell the intense chocolate/coffee fragrance permeating throughout and from every room in the apartment.  It was Heaven and I enjoyed a cup of it the night I brought it home.  I don't know if the beans were fresher or what but that coffee has NEVER been so incredibly fragrant.  I had the sensation that he was smiling and enjoying it himself the moment I walked through the door.

I continue to miss him everyday and think of him all the time but it's nice that I can occasionally enjoy the wonderful memories we created. It definitely makes the journey more bearable.

Wishing you continued God Winks, peace and much happiness on your journey.


I'm posting this via on-board Wi-Fi on an IcelandAir flight from Reykjavik to Boston after a wonderful trip to Reykjavik, which DH and I visited in 2015 and loved. So, there have been many bittersweet memories as well as new ones. One the flight over I had an empty aisle seat next to me. DH always had the aisle seat to accommodate his long legs and I took the window seat. It was so symbolic that this time it was empty.

But- what prompted me to post- I was looking at the in-flight map and it showed the section of Canada/Northern USA we were passing. The only US place name on the map was Mt. Katahdin. DH had climbed it many times when he was young and healthy and frequently spoke of it!

I left some of his ashes in two places in Iceland (not legal so I tried to be discreet). Now he'll be there forever.

Hi Athena53,

I've just gotten home from work and saw your post.  I can empathize with your empty seat experience.  I'd never been to Iceland when my Patrick was alive but my trip was a little bittersweet as well.  I went on the anniversary week of when I'd lost him and tried to imagine him seeing things from a different vantage point.  I don't remember if the seat next to mine was empty on any of my flights to/from there but I do remember imagining him sitting next to me with a book and highlighter in the aisle seat to accommodate his longer legs.  I always liked to look out the window and see the sky, clouds and the aerial views. 

I still have P's ashes in an artistic ceramic urn we'd seen and liked on our last vacation together on Orcas Island.  I'm not sure if you've heard of the place but, it is off the coast of Seattle and, I believe, one of the San Juan Islands.  We stayed at the Rosario Resort in one of their singular structures called "The Cliff House Suite."  It has a long balcony that hangs right over the water and I remember the water being so clear that I could see the starfish straight through the water from the balcony.  There were also otters playing on a rock and I even caught a glimpse of a harbor seal doing the backstroke - lol!.  I also remember taking photos from the balcony and was trying to take a snapshot of a seagull in flight until I realized it was flying straight towards me!  I ducked in and closed the glass panel door just in the nick of time but, that bird stalked me from the balcony for the duration of our time there.  It would literally crane it's neck while on the ledge and follow me with it's eyes as I walked from one end of the room to another and, it actually pooped on one of the chairs when it realized I was not coming out again.  I think that it was expecting food and that prior visitors/inhabitants must have fed it.

The following morning, there was a pecking at the glass pane doors in front of our bed and, you can probably guess, it was that gull!  Before opening my eyes, P just chuckled and said, your friend is calling you.  Too funny!

Later that morning, we were getting back in the car after breakfasting in a village eatery.  We shared the same passing thought that we could see ourselves retiring there one day.  He actually said the words and I remarked that the thought had also just crossed my mind.  Sometimes I would say things that I knew he was about to say and he'd say, "Get out of my head!"  lol!  Those memories just made me smile a little tonight and, I thank you for that.

PS I wish I'd sprinkled a few of his ashes in Iceland and also in the various places I'd visited for a Silver Anniversary trip I went on last September. I did, however, feel as if he was with me on those trips and that's something.  I guess no matter where we sprinkle them they'll remain in our hearts forever.

Wishing you a beautiful evening, and many more wonderful adventures on your journey.

Thanks, Nieta!  The place you stayed in Washington State sounds beautiful.  

I need to mention that many countries have laws about the disposition of human remains and was surprised to find that Iceland (a very laid-back place in general) is one of them.  I heard it from a guide on the "Haunted Reykjavik" walk (she said that you could be cremated but that the ashes must be buried and not scattered) and later heard the same thing about Iceland when I asked a guide in Greenland about their laws.  She had an uncle who wanted his ashes scattered in Reykjavik Bay and they found it was illegal.  It;s entirely possible there were laws in Panama and Costa Rica, where I also left a little of DH behind, but I never asked. So, exercise caution if you do something similar.

I wonder if there's laws about this in the states.  My husband has been released all over CA so far, including in some National Parks.  I read not that long ago that you are not allowed to release remains in Disneyland and if you are caught, they are unceremoniously swept up and thrown in the trash.  :(  


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