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Having a hard time taking my wife off of accounts, etc...Is anyone else having trouble? Is it important?

Its been 15 months that Ive been without my wife. Just last week was I able to make myself go to the bank with a copy of the death certificate, and remove her from our (my :( ) accounts. I still need to go to my other bank and go through it again, but I just cant seem to do it again, at least not yet. I bought a different house last year, the abstract lady told me I need to remove her from the title on the other house. I just cannot bring myself to do it. And, Im really not sure if I need to. If I sell it, I could just do it then. If I die, they will still have her death certificates, they can work it out then. Right? Is there any reasons why I need to do this? Is anyone else experiencing the same difficulties? I suppose I am still having trouble letting go. More denial. If I did it, it just seems more final. Sometimes I feel like Im crazy! Although probably normal among most here, lol.

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I also had a credit card that had both of our names on it but it seems he was the primary and his financial info was on it  - Strange that it only took them seven years to find out he died and I was the only one using it. When they called I had to verify that he passed they immediately closed the account - Vintage I wish there had been a balance on it I would have also told them if I can use it I can't pay the charges.  I hate when things like this pop up - takes me days to get my emotions back in check.

 His name is still on some of the bills and real estate - the lawyer said I could leave it on the house just show the death certificate when I go to sell it. I did have to take it off the car at registration time and they wouldn't let me continue with the loan because being retired I don't have a regular income, luckily there wasn't much left on it.

Hi JK,

I'm retired Navy and have banked with the NFCU since 1965. When Susan passed I called them and they told me to just continue to use the checks we had, that I did not need to buy new checks. They know she passed, and 6 years later there have been no problems.  E-Trade did urge me to change my "people to call" which I finally did this last year.  Between who is your emergency contact, for doctors, etc.  I seemed to be whittling down Susan's importance and place in my life.  My children have replaced her in that capacity.  It was hard at first, and eventually I realized the importance of replacing her with my children for my health and should anything tragic occur in my life. 

It is something that we all need to do.  Some of us do it nearly immediately while others, like me, while intending to do it, just don't seem to get around to it until the doctor or you financial adviser manages to use the right words in talking to us to nudge us into doing what is right.



I had trouble taking my husband off accounts, etc as well. It felt like I was erasing his life. It was awful. It's only been 10 weeks and I'm not really much better than I was in the beginning. I might not be crying as much.

My darling wife Lisa passed on the 24th Jan 2019 to Stage 4 Breast Cancer & Metatastic Brain Tumours , yes it is still really RAW, I have started to close off her banks accounts & Super account, she didn't have a lot there anyway. The bank has change the Joint Cheque and Savings account we had into my name, it looks weird when I go online and have to have a second look that I have the right account chosen. I still cannot close her Bank Account with out a Probate, which I couldn't do until I had her Death Cert and her "Original Will", I had been sent a certified copy from the Lawyers in New Zealand, I live in Perth, Western Australia. I had to go into Perth CBD to the Supreme Court on Monday and pay $370 AUD to lodge the Probate. It's going to take between 4-8 weeks to complete, I wrote a letter asking for it to expedited, we will see.

In regards to realestate Lisa and I share our current house with her Parents, this is called "Tenants in Common" which means I own 25%, Lisa 25% and her parents own 25% each, with out the Probate it would make it harder for me to have Lisa's 25% when the house sells, when the Probate comes in I can go to my Settlement Agent and he can transfer Lisa's 25% into my name so that I own 50% of the house and that share can go directly to me, that will cost $660 AUD. I do not have a Mortgage as Lisa cashed in her two life insurances in 2017 & 2018, so paid of our mortage on the current house and paying cash for our (my) new house. 

Last year Lisa and I started building our new house, we decided we needed to be a family again just the 5 of us, Lisa me and our 3 kids (Son 18, Daughter 16 & Son 11), so my name is down as the main holder with Lisa as second, I don't think I need to change this however will check if she is on the title, if so can change it later. 

As I am moving my Power and Gas is already in my name for the new house, our current internet provider and mobile phone is in my name also, as is my Car so I am lucky in some sense as most is already in my name just current Power & Gas is in Lisa's but I have full access to the account and can change things.

I haven't change my status on any social media to "Widow", however I now wear a Titanium Ring on my left hand and my wedding band on my right hand, just hard looking at the wedding band and remembering her final breaths at the hospital. 

So sorry for your loss. 

I understand completely what you’re saying my husband took care of all the financial things most of it he enjoyed doing those things, I don’t so it was ok with me. Now I realize a little to late I should have been more involved now I’m in the deep end and just barely staying afloat. I’m ok financially the house is pretty much paid off and I have life insurance and savings. But there was a problem with his will and that means anything that’s just in his name has gone into his estate. So now on top of trying to figure out that I’ve also had to hire a lawyer, he’s $250 an hour and to have myself put as the executor which will cost $4000. I wish I had known more, it feels overwhelming having this on top of him passing. I’m trying so far everything is coming together but I don’t trust myself to not do something wrong. The papers have all gone to the superior court to be approved. So now I’m in limbo, it’s completely out of my hands which sucks.   

So sorry for your loss. Its only been a little over 2 months . During those early weeks and months I just did what was absolutely necessary. In fact by the 4th month I felt so overwhelmed I had to get away. I took a little hiatus to a resort with one of my closest cousins and her family. They were so loving and supportive. It was just what I needed at the time. Follow your feelings and trust your instincts. lol...I still haven't changed my social media status to widow either. Take care.

Been a year for me. I attacked all this stuff immediately after SJ passed, as I was still in a zone and in a fog because of her sudden passing. Mine was fairly simple and straightforward with a few hiccups and glitches. Once the reality set in, I was pretty much useless, and haven't been much better since. The scammers and robocallers started coming fast and furious, those heartless thieving bastids. How sick does one have to be to pray upon someone who is in that much kind of pain? There better be a special place set aside for them in that lake of fire folks talk about. Neither of us had children, had few assets--value was there, but the number of accounts and assets were very small.

Its been almost a year since I lost my soulmate. Since we had joint ownership of our home there was no problem. The bank simply transferred everything into my name( we still had a mortgage). My lawyer handled transferring the title of that property and another property we owned into my name. He said I didn't have to but I wanted to make things as simple as possible for our children when I pass away. I still haven't taken his name off of one of our bank accounts and the utility bill is still in his name. I just like to still see his name on something we shared together. The things I absolutely had to change I did like the medical and financial power of attorney. Otherwise, what's the rush. Take care and be blessed.

At six and a half months, most of the financial things have been taken care. I worked hard to consolidate investments, etc. so I can understand and manage them.  There is just one more out there that we cannot seem to get turned loose. All the property items are now in my name, I think.  I still have not gotten the vehicle titles turned over but will when the next license plate is due in August.  It was a lot of work in the first months.  I still very much need to update my will but waiting on this last financial piece to be in place.


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