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Boy, that was hard. I went to see a specialist and he asked my marital status.  For 14 years married I was always happy to say married.  It was so hard to breathe at that moment, let alone to say the words.  I guess now I cannot pretend that this is not a bad dream and he'll walk through the door any moment.   Missing Bill. 

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Mrs. Bear, I think there is a discussion around here about that.  I'm so sorry (HUGS) we have all been through that somber moment.  Yes, it's an eye-opener and a tear jerker.  I'm six months out and was in the ER last week.  I was asked if Jerry was still my contact, both my daughter and burst into tears.  I just said no take him off, didn't even bother to explain.   That wasn't even the first time.  Over the weekend an old buddy from HS tracked Jerry down and showed up at my house.  I had to tell him Jerry was gone, and watch a strange man break down and cry in my front yard.  I'm afraid those moments are going to hit like a ton of bricks throughout the rest of our years.  The good news is we are resilient.   

Same thing happened to me - had to go back to the same hospital where he died for a test. They always ask about your contact information. Fortunately they had a box of Kleenex close by and no one was in the waiting room.  

Thanks Rainy.  Hugs back. Yes, little by little we will pick ourselves up. 

Mrs Bear,

Just recently had to fill out a doctor’s questionnaire and a question was marital status— MARRIED, SINGLE, DIVORCED, OR “OTHER”.  Thought that strange so I didn’t answer it. You know, there are different situations today, maybe they should be asking next of kin or healthcare POA. I mean, if we’re asked if we are married and we answer no, wouldn’t that be the next logical question?

Sometimes they only ask if you are single or married— that can be offensive to some. A lot of widows/widowers do not feel single. Gosh, some people here were married 30-40-50 yrs! Single does not seem like a category describing someone who has lost a spouse. Yes, I know “widow” may be a hard word to choke out sometimes. If you’re answering to someone who needs to know, you could always say my husband is deceased or my husband died. It’s still very hard, I know. 

I think we can all relate to a first difficult time or situation. Mine was filing taxes at an accountant we used for over twenty years. We always went together. There were always two chairs in the room so that was a cold hard reminder. I just prayed I would get through it without crying. Lot of deep breaths but I managed. Time helps us to heal, Mrs Bear, but that first time feeling, you probably won’t forget.

I know.  I want to answer married but he is just not on this earth.  They need a category for that because I feel I will always be married to my Bill.

I do not want to answer that question. I was also married 14 years. Its only been 2 weeks so I might be too early to be thinking about that. I have found comfort knowing there are others having the same issues and seeing what they do to help. 

Danceinthekitchen....I an so sorry for your loss.  I think for the first 60 days I was just numb.

Hi All,

It is hard to check that box Widower.  Susan and I were married for 35 years.  Her medical problems were many and varied.  We used the same hospital for the last 20 years, and it came to the point where even the "Gurney Drivers" knew us and if they saw me in the hospital they would ask what room Susan was in.

Today I finally caved in.  We had put together an account with E-TRADE and our financial advisor has been gently after me for the 6 years that Susan has been gone to take her name off the account and put my two adult children on it instead.  I called him today and changed things over.  There was a catch in my throat but it was time and it needed to be done.  I delayed it because I felt that by doing it, I was slowly erasing the memory of the love of my life, from my life and I just could not do that.

The next step is to face my mortality and obligations, engage an attorney, and create a will. 

There are times when I've checked widowed and not thought that much about it.  It was the label that fit.  Other times, it can still give me pause, and even hurt a bit.



Thanks for sharing Frank. Losing Bill suddenly and unexpectedly made me get my affairs in order quicker than I wanted.   They will never be a erased from our memories.

Right there with you.  The first time I had to check "widow" on a form, I nearly burst out crying.  It still isn't easy.

Many forms have boxes for a dozen different relationships but none for widowed. 

If it doesn't have a box for widow I check married. Heck most of the time if there is a box for widow I check married anyway. It's no ones business and if you check widowed they want a copy of the death certificate. 


You know, I think I would also check the married box if there is not a place for widow.  Right after my husband died, one friend said, "Oh, now that you are single, we could do some things together."  That did not sit well.  I am not a "single" per se.  I wear my wedding ring and also my husband's.   Have had to give copies of my husband's death certificate to so many places. Even writing this makes my eyes teary. So, good night all.


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