Hi everyone, I am delighted to have found you. My husband Shane died just before Christmas, and his birthday was on Christmas Day. It was completely unexpected, I had always assumed that we would grow old together, we met when I was sixteen (I am now 58) and he was my soul mate, my best friend and an absolute delight to be with, he was always fascinating and we adored each other and took great joy in just seeing each other's faces and hearing each other's voices. I realise that this is rare, not everyone gets to meet the love of their life and to stay together and be happy, so I am grateful to have had this kind of love but of course it is hard to be without him in physical form now. We were always very spiritually connected, so I feel his energy and his spirit, especially when I deliberately speak to him and tell him how much I still love him. People say that his energy is very strong around me, and that is very nice. But it is very very challenging to experience the loss and the grief and to suddenly find myself collapsing in a heap and sobbing my eyes out. It is also challenging to imagine a future without him, I realise that so much of what motivated me to do things, even to get dressed up and put on makeup, to work, to cook, to make a home was linked to him and to the shared experience. I want to make the best of the time that I have left and I want to feel joy and share joy and love with the world as much as possible so any tips are greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for being here. Victoria
StephenB-2 says
Posted on February 18, 2024 0
Hi Victoria, Your story sounds familiar to me. Susan and I were married for 46 years and she was my soul mate for sure. I did not expect to have to face the next 10 years or more without her ( I am 69). She had lymphoma but went through 8 months of chemo and was cleared. We went out to BC to visit my daughter and our grandkids to celebrate with my son. She picked up a flu from the kids and ended up dying from heart failure due to the virus after we were back home. I feel lost and abandoned and not sure how I am supposed to carry on.
Steve
MzKreant says
Posted on January 21, 2024 1
You are very early in the process, I am in month 5, but your outlook and resolve is truly going to serve you well.
You are being practical and future-looking, that is really all there is that will help. You will never “move on”, but you can move forward.
Grief will come when it wants and sometimes will be unbearable and sometimes it will be endearing. Keep yourself open to feeling all of it, keep coming here, watch the zoom recordings. I have found a lot of support and help in a Facebook group as well.
JoeF says
Posted on January 21, 2024 0
Hi. Not sure if this is believable, but if I would take your story and substitute my wife’s name — Sheri — it would be much the same. I really believe that God brought her to me 27 years ago and she was the love that I really needed. I feel like I did not deserve her love; she did the things you did. She gave me 100 units of love for every unit I gave back. Hard to describe my guilt over that. But, she was the love of my life and I miss her so much. I don’t think that I could be that lucky and blessed again. Maybe she was too good for me.
Being an introvert, it is hard for me to reach out and be vulnerable. Support groups are helping me and that is my advice for anybody. Join the activities here and see us on Tuesdays. Check around for local groups if there are any. Large churches and hospice centers might have some leads. Let your emotions flow, it is OK. Encourage others who knew your husband to talk to you about him. Sometimes they think that you are too fragile for that but it does help.
Take your time, this is not going to be easy, but there are a lot of us also stumbling down that path.
– – –
Joe