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This is my 4th year of holidays without my husband.  I am doing much worse than the first 3 years.  Has anyone else gone through this?  

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This will be my 4th year.  Second completely alone. First two winters, I was down south with snowbird friends. I just try to muddle through and not think about it too much.

Are you going to be alone? Do you have someone to be with, and does that help? I got a TG invite from a co-worker but I prefer to stay home. Although it meant a lot to me that she invited me, and I told her so. It's just too emotional, it was Frank's favorite holiday, and everything about it will remind me of him.

Yes, right now.  this is my second season alone.  The next time someone tells me it will get better I think I'm going to scream one inch from there face.  

Hello everyone - Thanksgiving used to be us going up to NY to my late wife's family, about 95% of the time.  For about a quarter of a century.

Since then, it was me and the kids (20 and 24) - this year will be the first without my son - he lives about 3 hours away and working and he and GF live together :-)  and her mother is there plus two of her (GF) younger sisters...so...

Daughter is overstressing and needs counseling for losing her mother, so until yesterday, in a huff, she was staying at school (she lives in apartment).  So it seems she's coming.

So we'll see.  If it's her and me, I'm good.

If I have to be alone...it is what it is.  Is it painful...yes.  It's the loss all over again.  I too have an invite from an old friend (fellow widow), but I...couldn't.  I would not be good company.

So will see.  I expect one day I'll be the "pity" invite to my son's family.  My wife was the center.  As someone put it on this board once a while ago, she was our star, our sun.  We three (myself and kids) are now planets trying to orbit emptiness.  And the reality is, that my son is forming his own...solar system, if you will...which is as it should be.

What hurts most, because I have to put up a face and...lie...is the "how was your Thanksgiving" etc questions at work.

I have children and grandchildren to spend it with, and they all come here as we've always done.  But we all miss my husband so very much, as he was really big into the holidays.  It seems we're all doing worse this year.  I just want them to be over, and I feel so guilty feeling that way.

YES! I thought it was supposed to get better with time???  I am finding that is NOT the case.  Wonder why it seems worse now?

And people and family do not understand!  They don't even talk about him anymore...and don't realize what I am going through.  Does that happen to you?

Yes, yes, and yes.

This will also be my 4th year of "holidays" without my husband, the last 3 years my "widows group" that I met through grief support group, 5 of us, we had a  little party on Christmas Eve, but this year -- 3 of the five have boyfriends already and no one has mentioned getting together -- and I imagine it's not happening this year -- so it will be me, my dog and cat -- and I know how you feel.  

Unfortunately, my husband and I did not have children and rest of my family 1400 miles away...  Do you have children? or family nearby?

Thanksgiving I did go to a dinner with some friends, mostly single people without families nearby, but the food was cold and company colder and I got very sick that night....  

What can I say? People are there for you, if you are lucky, in the beginning -- then they think you should just "snap" out of it  and they forget about you --  I wish I could tell you everything gets better, but, at least for me, it still just sucks.

Take care, hang in there, and "Happy Holidays"  

This is my 5th year without Bob. Thanksgiving was very difficult. Thanksgiving was at my house. One son and his family were here, the other son wasn’t able to make it. I invited a widowed friend but she declined. My granddaughter was born on Thanksgiving and my oldest son was born on Christmas Day. I pretend to feel happy especially because of their birthdays. When I am alone I let the tears flow. I smile and wish people Happy Holidays, while wishing the holidays were over. Most people don’t realize the pain we feel until it happens to them. Before Bob passed I was sympathetic to people who suffered loses, but I did not realize that the pain can continue for years until it happened to me. Seven of my friends have become widows this year. I realize at 79 this is the way life is, but it still hurts. Peace to all.

Hi All,

When Susan suddenly passed without warning, 6 years ago this month, my two boys (in their 40's) stayed with me for two weeks. Having them there was a joy and we talked, watched TV and played games.  Then they left, and as I waved good by to them, the stillness of the house and the loneliness came crashing in on me, bending me over in grief and tears. The holiday season was crippling those first couple of years.  My youngest refused to come up to visit.  "I can't do it Dad, it is too painful. I keep expecting Mom to come walking down the hall."  My oldest was tied up with life, working two jobs and going to college full time.  I've mentioned it before, but I decided to concentrate on our Anniversary and that narrowed the occasions to the Anniversary and Thanksgiving and Christmas.  The last two years have seen my youngest married and my oldest is nearly finished with school.  Still life gets in the way, and I spent this Thanksgiving day alone, and my oldest is now saying that he might not make it up for Christmas due to work and school requirements.  As Thanksgiving day approached I started to get down but on the actual day, I just thought to myself that I was going to cook something for myself and watch some football... take my mind off the sorrow I was starting into.  I did, and it worked.  I'll do the same this Christmas if I need to as well.  Last year I sent out 5 Christmas Cards, I finally could say "Merry Christmas" back to folks and mean it.  I could actually say Merry Christmas on the cards.  Still no tree or decorations, I don't yet have that in me. 

Things come in steps, and the time between the steps varies with each of us.  I wish you all well on your journeys.

((((HUGS))))

Frank

This Thanksgiving  (and my anniversary was 4 days after) was my first & now I'm facing the Christmas season. I was on autopilot putting up the tree. It seems Christmas will be worse & the kids & I made plans to leave the day after to visit friends for a few days. I dread coming home on New Year's Eve day.

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