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The holiday season is lurking - growing closer every day. It's supposed to be a joyous time with family and friends. It's not even Halloween and already items are on display. Christmas in July was easy enough to ignore but how does one prepare for their first Christmas alone? Our last holiday together started with an ambulance ride to the ER in the early morning hours on Christmas Eve, to a three week hospital stay, and finally able to go home under hospice care on Jan 12th to a transfer to their facility on the 20th.
I lost my sweetheart on 1/25. We had 34 wonderful years together, but yet, it wasn't long enough. I see the adds and know it's time to start thinking about the holidays. But there's no anticipation, nothing to look forward to. I know it's still a few months away but when does the feeling of dread start to fade? I call it my pity party. I know others have survived this and I know there are others out there that will face this too. I thought maybe if those that are there with me could share some of ideas on surviving another one of those firsts...

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Hi Tania, I'm on a similar journey. My husband of 26 years passed away in February from brain cancer. He was hospitalized on December 14th for what we thought would be a few days, but he was never able to come home again. He spent his last months in a skilled nursing facility, where I pretty much lived since they were kind enough to give me the other bed in his room. We had to move out of state away from everyone last fall so that I could afford things going forward, since the area we lived where I was born and raised is so high priced, and he could no longer manage the stairs there either. I'm dreading the holidays alone, and the winters here are far more harsh than I'm used to. While he was hospitalized we had nine feet of snow. I think it's just going to be one minute at a time, honestly. I don't think there's any way around the pain of it. Since it was just the two of us, I think holidays will always be hard. I wish I had something more positive to offer, but know that you're not alone. Hugs to you.
This is a question I have been avoiding at all cost. My wife of over 24 years always handled all of the holidays, birthdays, etc. She bought the gifts, sent the cards, did all the decorating. We always work together when it came to the food. I smoked the meats and she did the rest of it.
I've taken my wife's responsibilities on, paying the bills, cleaning the house, watering the plants. I've been trying to learn how to cook. And my realistic view of Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner is that it will definitely be lacking. My wife would ask my opinion of what we should get for a gift for a family member, my typical response was shrugging my shoulders and telling her whatever she thinks.
But since I know I have not lost IQ points due to my wife's passing I'll have to figure it out. I'm cleaning the house, paying the bills, taking care of the plants, I should be able to manage gifts? My wife's ritual of decorating for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving, I'm not sure about that. I can try and mimic what she did over the years but she always managed to put love and heart into everything she did for the holiday seasons.
To be honest, I don't even know if I'll have anybody over this Christmas or Thanksgiving, my daughters are all still having a difficult time with their mother being gone. I Can Only Imagine what Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner would be like. So I guess just like any other day I'll plan on moving forward. Wiggle my way through the emotion, probably cry a lot and wait for tomorrow. What other choice is there?
Well, the holidays are about here. I'm still not quite sure how I'm going to approach this. I've thought of just going away, but know you can't run from the pain in your heart... Would following (well trying to anyway) tradition be less depressing than doing nothing or a minimal approach. Half the time I think one way, the rest the other extreme. Ok, Who am I kidding? Thanksgiving is a week away, and I haven't had any discussions about it. With Monday being our 35th anniversary, or I guess it should now be called our first anniversary forever apart? Lets just tear the heart a bit more.
Devonsvoice, Mis64, thank you, and I'm sorry we are here and sorry I am rambling.


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