These "special days" are so hard. My husband's birthday is this week and the third important date since he died. I have made plans for the weekend to try and have something to focus on but his birthday is Wednesday so I am not sure that will even help. I know I will go to the cemetery. That seems to be easier to do now but who knows? I find that I have no idea how I am going to respond to anything. I think I am making a bit of progress and then find myself crying all day. I have accepted the fact that I am not okay and I won't be for awhile. That was a very hard thing to accept. I am wondering how others are doing in this very new and awful state of life.
Cyndi died from a heart attack in December. 5 1/2 months later I want to say I am doing OK but I don't really believe that. I no longer feel every day like I'm going to lose my mind and I don't spend my days sobbing anymore. I can laugh and have a good time but it's always just temporary. Many times throughout the day (and night) it still hits me like a ton of bricks that she's gone. I have flashbacks to watching her dying in the hospital (heart attack). I really, REALLY hate that she's gone and there's nothing I can do about it other than try to go on somehow. I try to keep busy around the house and in the garden. That helps a lot. I planted some colorful plants this week to create a little bit of cheer, on the outside at least. Her birthday is in June, I think that will be a tough day.
Hi Bill. I am sorry for the loss of your wife Cyndi. I am glad to hear that you don't feel quite as insane. I cannot think of my husband's last days. They are so incredibly painful. Even writing that makes me feel like I cant breathe. I went and bought flowers to plant tonight but about 5 minutes into it, I was done. My kids and I have decided to celebrate my husband's birthday because we are actually celebrating him. I don't know how I/we will do but can't be any worse than just sitting here sobbing.