My husband died on March 12, 2011. Our fourth wedding anniversary is on April 28th. I would like to do something special. I am thinking of doing a butterfly release on the beach where we were married. I would like to take my daughter and perhaps a friend to entertain her while I have some time to myself. I have not been down to his grave site yet. It is 1.5 hours away from me and I just don't think I am ready for that yet.
What did you do on your anniversary?
Yours is so new, MH, just be kind to yourself and only do what you feel you can handle.
I already have an approved leave slip from my boss to take that day off (August 23) and also the anniversary of his death (September 22). I don't yet know what I'll do - but I do know I don't want to be at work where I feel the need to act "normal". Had thought about traveling somewhere that was special to us to spread some of his ashes, but I'll be at Camp Widow earlier that month and can't afford two trips. I look forward to hearing what others have done.
I lit candles and looked through pictures as long as I could.... It was just to painful and sad... Our 17th wedding anniversary will be April 23rd... It seems this is the saddest day of the year. All other holidays include other people, this was our special day... Oh how I miss my husband. This will be my third one alone.
I visited the place we got married, too. It was by a beautiful river. A few weeks before our anniversary I had taken his ashes to California for final disposition in the places where he loved to hang glide. I saved just a tiny bit and had kind of private, special ceremony all by myself. My anniversary didn't come til 11 mos. after he died, so maybe it was a little bit easier, idk. Seem to recall falling apart.
My advice is to just go with the flow of the day. If you have a friend or family member to spend the day with you it would help. It won't be an easy day, but you will get through it, as all of us have gotten through it.
As a consequence of losing my husband I no longer pay much attention to fulfilling some notion of exactly what I should do, or how I should act, on the significant days that more typically are observed in some way. His birthday, our anniversary, the death anniversary--all those *days* I get through much better if I just treat them like any other day.
I have tried to really think through the yearly event's we had together. I have been widowed three years. This June 27 would have been our 30th wedding anniversary, I only got 26 1/2 with her. I am careful not to have traditions because I didn't want to tie the kids to them. Of the four of them my two oldest have visited the gravesite, the two younger ones have not, even though I have asked them to help me place flowers or Christmas wreaths on the stone, I feel that it is there choice and I respect that. I have often asked them if there was something special we should do for those days. They just like us all to be together. Mother's day is the toughest with all the commercials and all. this year my youngest and I will visit my third daughter and college and stay overnight and have a nice shopping day together.
I remember my first time to visit the gravesite. I went alone, I felt paralysed and wished someone would come get me, no on did. It was terrifying, however, later on I went to a grief counselor who encouraged me to do things that would bring the grief out of me. One thing I did was sit at the gravesite and contemplate the time we had together. Then I would go home and look at old family pictures. After that, I usually felt a release of sorts and was able to return to the planet.
I am so sorry for your loss, MissHim. I know your anniversary is passed already. I hope you had support that day. You'll go to his gravesite when you're ready, and you will know when that is. My husband, Tom, died on Feb. 7, 2010, and our anniversary was March 15. I didn't have much choice on how I spent that day, as on March 14 we were flooded, with 50+ inches of water in the cellar, so I spent what should have been my 15th wedding anniversary throwing out the contents of my cellar. I almost think it was a "blessing" (if you can call it that) because I was so busy that day. Plus, I was able to handle a pretty big disaster without the house falling down around me, so when I came out of the other side of that very dark period of time, well, I guess I felt stronger than I expected.
It's still hard to get through some days, and some days are worse than others. My worst day so far was just recently, when I finally got around to rewriting my will, and came to the realization that I'm not leaving all my worldly goods to my husband anymore. That was a kick in the stomach, let me tell you. But the days get better, even if it's only moment-by-moment. Take good care of yourself.
I'm new to Widowed Village, but in just a few days it will be our first Wedding anniversary... it really is such a strange mix of emotions for me - joy that I was fortunate enough to marry my best friend, but such a deep sadness that we never even got to experience our very first anniversary together. So many days I cannot believe that he is gone; that after 6 years of waiting to marry him, we only got to spend 6 weeks together after the wedding. Then, he was admitted to the hospital with something as seemingly trivial as the flu... unconscious by the next day... only to find out that he would never get over it.
Anyway, I wasn't sure what to do on our anniversary Friday... but I've decided to spend it with my MIL and SIL, and watch our Wedding video and remember the joy of that day. Perhaps we will defrost the top layer of the Wedding cake, and try, even with eyes full of tears, to enjoy it. I thought about trying to travel to his gravesite, but I just don't know if I'm strong enough yet. Does anyone else have any suggestions or special traditions that help you get through this emotional yet important occasion?