This morning I woke up and thought to myself. " Do I sit and listen to another story on an audiobook, or do I ask the ladies at Widow Village how to start living again. So here I am asking any all of you how to start again. I don't want to feel so lonely.
My Back Story: I Married my High School Sweetheart. While he was in Viet Nam, I graduated high school. We got married in 1978. Our son married the girl he had been dating for 7 years in 2015. We were both very hapy about that. I love her like a daughter...... But my husband passed away from Glioblastoma Dec. 7, 2016. I was widowed at 59. ( married for 38 years ) They have a baby boy who is now 7 mos. He is my Little Man. :-) I watch him at least twice a week for them. Other than that I feel like I have no life.
I have no plans of ever getting married again. But I would love dates or at least friends. I hate being lonely. I live in a big 4 bedroom house by myself and just look at the walls. I love cooking, but not just for myself. I live mainly on salads or seafood. I have always loved Crochet & Quilting. I feel like I have made stuff for everyone in the family. I love music. ( just not Rap or Hard Rock) ...
I have been to Grief Support already... At first they helped me, but when they started making me feel down, I quit going there. I think I'm doing O.K. with that on my own. I have my church that we belonged to. But I hate it when people ask, " How are doing/feeling ? "... Their eyes are always soft and full of pity. So of course I say I'm fine. So I don't even go there much anymore.
My husbands best friend still checks on me... Which I love him and his wife for. ... They were in the Navy togather... They consider me family which I very much appreciate.
I really don't think my husband would want me to be lonely. He was a wondeful man!!! A true gentleman. He protected me from the world. Which apparently is a downfall for me. I have had to learn to speak up for myself. ( I wasn't always well, healthwise. But I am fine now.)
I think that is long enough. I donj't need to write a novel.
This might not be the answer you want, since I'm not a woman, but I've been giving my life a lot of thought over the past month or so. I've written elsewhere about the two semi relationships i've been in since my wife passed away five years ago. What I will say is that for some reason, I don't know why, both women seemed to look at me as a placeholder until they found the type of guy that they were looking for. I've beat myself over the head over the second relationship, which I should have never let happen in the first place. But one thing I have learned in that last month is that overall, I have to show a sense of gratitude. I've built a new life since Lupe passed and I have found many ways to honor Lupe. Maybe things haven't worked out with the opposite sex so far, but most everything else has probably exceeded my expectations. I have to be thankful for this. I can see where a good, loving relationship could make my life that much better, but I can also see where a bad relationship could make my life worse. Maybe I should be thankful that neither relationship worked out.
Hi Lupe's Husband,
Thank You for words... I'm willing to listen to advice or wisdom from anyone :-) Righ now I'm in a rut and have no idea how to get out of it.
I could give you a lot of trite advice, but I'm not going to do that. I will leave it up to others. Have you been to Camp Widow? It would be a chance to meet new people who would get what you are going through....a lot of times, making new friends could help you get out of your rut, but I'm sure you've already heard that.
No, I haven't been to Camp Widow... They don't seem to have one near me. But Thanks for the suggetion :-)
Have you checked out Meetup.com? I know it sounds like a dating site, but it's not. It's an online gathering for people in just about anything you can think of. You sign up for groups, and the groups get together for outings. I've gone to two meetups. It's hard to get out and meet new people, at least it is for me, but I still will keep giving it a try. Hopefully I can make some kind of connection with a few people in one or two of the groups. I know it will take determination and time, on my part. I don't know, though. One group is for women over 50, and they are all still married and have no clue to what we've all suffered through, and the other group is both genders over 60, and they are all retired, and I still work full time :(
I know what you mean about cooking for yourself. I was a classically trained chef in my previous profession, and I loved to cook for my Rick, but it's just me and the dogs now. I can' t be bothered to prep, cook and clean up just for me. I miss hearing him hum when he ate something he particularly fancied.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents, for what it's worth.
I'd agree with MeetUp. I was setting up an account for my Toastmasters Club and using their Search function I found a French discussion group that met every 2 weeks. It happens to be all female, so no matchmaking at all! I wear many "hats"- everything from being on the HOA Board to once-a-month weeding of the garden at a local park with the Garden Club. Church-related volunteering would take up all of my time if I let it, I have Toastmasters once a week and I just started taking classes at a local School of Ministry to get my lay preaching license in the Episcopal Church. I'd been retired for a little over a year when Ron was diagnosed with his fatal illness (acute myeloid leukemia) - profoundly grateful we had that time together. It means, though, that I need other structure and goals in my life since I don't have a job. Oh, yeah- I get to the gym every day, too!
That's my list although I've probably left something out. Could you start by looking for other quilters/crocheters? That sounds like a good MeetUp category. Have you considered changing churches? I love mine and part of it is that so many of them knew remember Ron fondly, and it's not all couples stuck together 24/7. Or maybe you can get involved in different activities there than you already do? I'd like to think there'd be someone there to whom you could honestly say, "I'm not doing very well- sometimes I feel kind of lost. I really need to get out of the house more and I'm not sure where to start"- or some other words that feel natural and give them a way to help.
We're all different but I hope some of this helps.
You sound busy!
I do check out Meet Up categories to see if there is an ything interesting. It sounds like you get my problem perfect. " I'm not doing very well- sometimes I feel kind of lost. I really need to get out of the house more and I'm not sure where to start. "
Tnhanks for the ideas! I appreciate it!
Yes, I check out what categories " Meet Up " has each week... I signed up for weekly e-mails in the subjects / categories I like. So now I just have to wait for one. :-)
I miss fixing Paul his Curried Chicken. I don't like Curry, but he loved it. I made that one dish for him about once a month. ( for 38 years ) LOL
Like you said, some of those groups just don't have the right mix of people. We need to meet people who are now or have been in the same place we are in. IE widows.
Thank you for any & all ideas. All are appreciated.
Remember, whatever you do, Susan, we are here to support you. Let us know how things go for you....