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It's been 2 month since my husband passed away.

1st month, I was numb. I cried a lot every day but was trying to be active, to go out as much....

2nd month, I was more in pains and more sad... I am experiencing the racing hearts and have more headache + sleeping problems.

I am pretty sure everyone who joined WV was very depressed at certain time period and I am, too.

But how can I tell when I should go see a psychiatrist? Since I am off from my work this month, I rarely go out but stay at home as much as possible.

I will return to my work next month and am very nervous about it. How do I know when?

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I'm   guessing  from  your posts  you are young  with  decades  of  life  left to live.  Your   sadness/grief   is  normal  as your  grief is  fresh  and  raw at  only  a couple  of months.   It  never  hurts  to get  counseling  for  grief.   You do not need just  some  doctor  feeding  you  pills.  Family or  friends  who  will just  listen to  you tell your  story  would  help.  Not  people  who give  advice and  tell you what  they  think you should  do-  people  who  will listen. Do you have  those  kind of  people?  Are  there  church  groups  or  widow  groups  locally  where  you could  attend  meetings  or  get  together  to  share?  Crying  and sadness  are  normal  but  can  drain  you  and  make  you tired and  depressed.  You need  to  sleep to  heal.  You  must  try  to  eat  well  w/o  junk  food  which  depletes  your  body of  nutrients  that  keep  you  strong  so  you  can  better endure  your  grief.  Spend time in  nature. Pray or  meditate.  Read  books on  loss  and  grief-they  help  you to understand what  you are  going  though  when  you grieve.  Look  for  happy  moments and  beautiful  things  every  day.  A  consult  would  be  helpful  if  you  want  reassurance.   At  night  try  an  herbal  non  caffeine tea.   Remind yourself  that  although  we do not understand  why  you  lost  your  spouse  so young---one  day  you  will  understand  better  because  grief  changes  with  time...lots  of  time.  Know  too  that  the  heart  has  room  and  ability  to  keep  on  loving  life  even  after  the  one  we loved  most  in  the  whole  world is  taken  from  is  never  limited  in it's  power  to survive. Do  not  be  afraid of  tomorrow.  Take  each  day  one at  a time. Be  your  own  best  friend.  You  are  not  alone!  Trust  time  to  heal you...      laurajay       Feel  free  to post  here  anytime- good  people  who  "get it"  are  here  for  you.

I'm sorry for your loss.  I am feeling the same way and it has been 5 months since my husband passed.  I work from home .  I do see a grief counselor and honestly it hasn't made much difference.  I think with time we learn to deal with the grief in a better way.  I don't know. I have managed to "control" my crying when in public but this is after 5 months time.

If you feel you would benefit from a counselor go for it.  Do what's right for you.

Hugs to you . You are not alone, many of us here are going through the same emotions. Take it one hour at a time.

So sorry you had to join us.

You are in the early stages of grief and still going through the wringer. You may be feeling a range of emotions--possibly even conflicting emotions (like laughing and crying) at the same time. A few minutes later, you may going through this process again. This is normal--as are sleeping problems (FWIW, I was nine weeks out before I got a full night's sleep after my wife died.) A lot of people go through a second sustained period of grief because of the initial shock. It's as though we're so numbed, that, just like an ice cube melting around us, we deal with things a "second time", once the numbness wears away. People hit "the lowest point" at different times--some after a few weeks; others, a few months.The problem is, you won't know you're there until you get past it. 

Is it possible for you to see a grief counselor? (More importantly, is this something offered through your place of employment?) Could you join a grieving group? (Works for many, but not for all.) The decision to see a psychiatrist is yours. In the meantime, please read, post and join in with the chat groups. Things are not always active, but do look in whenever you're having a bad moment. Just typing things can be helpful at times.

Please be kind/patient with yourself in the meantime and just keep breathing--even when it hurts to do so. The advice you've received thus far is very good, so I won't repeat it. Just take "baby steps" for now, before you feel like walking/running again. Hugs.

Maybe you do not need to see a psychiatrist, but a different kind of counselor. Maybe a pastor or someone who is experienced in grief work. If there is a hospice at a local hospital, you might be able to hook up with a group there. Some churches offer GriefShare, which is for a few weeks, but can be re-visited.

It has been over six years since my husband passed. Today as I write this, it would have been my 55th wedding anniversary. It took a long time for sleep to come. Because I nursed him around the clock for the last four years of his life, a hospice physician told me it could take five years before I slept all through the night. That hasn't happened yet, but I do usually get two four hour periods (with a bathroom break in the middle!).

Be gentle, kind and loving with yourself. Be your own best friend. Listen to your body and do what it needs. Know it will get better. Coming here and asking your questions is healthy. Hang in there! (((HUG)))

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me...

Everyone is such a kind person... spending your time to write me such warm comments. I really appreciate you all. Thank you

As some of you suggest, probably what I need as of now is a grief group/ counselor for grief...

Does anyone experience the racing hearts? I am pretty sure my pulse rate is normal but feel my heart is beating so fast...

I hate this weird feeling and I am wondering if anyone has a solution for that...  I am pretty sure it has something to do with my anxiety..

Is it normal to feel the racing hearts??

Sometimes  a racing  heart  needs  medical  attention if  it  continues or  troubles  you...but  with grief  I believe  the  heart  races  because  it  can no longer  find  the  safe  haven  our  beloved mates  created  for  us in  our  marriages.  It  literally races  around  looking ( so to speak)  for  a place  of  peace  and contentment where  it  can beat  in a  proper  cadence.   Anxiety  plays  wicked  games  with  us when  we  grieve  and all sorts  of  physical symptoms can  heart,  lightheadedness,  various body pains, breathlessness,  feelings  of  dread, loss of  reality  because    we  have  lost  control of  our  well-being,  etc.  If  your  pulse  rate  is normal  as you  stated,  your  heart  cannot  be  racing  because  your  heart beat is  what  your  pulse  measures.     Normal / wretched  sensations  for  sure.  Have  your  doctor  check  it  out  but  do  some  slow  breathing and pray or  meditate  while  you   decide  your next  step.  You  are  young  and might  find  reassurance  among  other  people  rather  than  staying  alone  with  your  anxiety 24/7.

Hi SFbay,

Susan, wife of 35 years, went to sleep one Sunday night and did not wake up Monday morning.  My life exploded, my right arm was gone in an instant, my best friend and confidant was gone in a flash.  My whole life imploded in an instant.  I was bent over double in pain and grief, I screamed, I cried, I could not catch my breath.  I was faced with something that was worse than the worst thing anyone could possibly dream up.

I knew that I was way out of my depth and that I needed HELP! This was something I could not figure my way through and not something I could avoid or wait out.

Two things saved me.  The first was WV.  Susan passed in December with all the snow and treacherous driving. It was 2 or 3 months later when I could drive into town to attend a Grief Group.  The two saved my sanity and helped me get back on track.

If you think you might need help, then that is the little person in the back of your mind quietly urging you to get help.

If not a "Shrink" As Laura mentions, maybe a one or two hour consultation will reassure you.  Maybe your family doctor might have a colleague that he/she could recommend.  Ask your religious leader, priest, rabbi, etc. Look for a Grief Group in the area.  

Seek help outside yourself, and remember to use WV as well.



At this point, it sounds like what you are experiencing is normal & common ...

Convalescing, as you are doing, is the best you can do for yourself ...

This is an emotional Rollercoaster that does rip a person raw, however, grief does change. Crying gradually tapers out as do all symptoms till they come a final end ...

Start w/a grief counselor. A psychiatrist can prescribe meds, a counselor cannot. A psychiatrist is best for treating mental disorders. Grief symptoms are not mental disorders, but normal responses to the death of a loved one ...

Sadly, there is no other cure for grief other than the grief process, however, there are modalities that can provide relief ...

Take care of yourself ...

Grief is a process. It will be a year in July since my husband passed away and there are days that I wake up crying. I too thought of going to see a psychiatrist but I remember seeing my family Dr. the month after he died and she wanted to put me on an antidepressant. I told her my not depressed, I’m sad. Some days I would really just like to take a pill that would take away the hurt and pain. I’ve been to grief share, a bereavement group, read everything I can about how to cope. My neighbor lost her husband 4 months after mine and I find talking to her helps us both. I know that people survive but some days I wonder how. The physical pain is real, I feel like my heart is being crushed sometimes and I’m am just dreading our anniversary this month and the anniversary of his death next month. WV has helped me know I’m not alone when so many of my friends who have not suffered this kind of loss don’t seem to understand.

Hi SFbay,

Condolences on your loss, I lost my darling wife Lisa on the 24th Jan 2019 we had been married for 22 years, I was at the hospital with my kids and her parents when she passed holding her hand and talking to her, she had battled Stage 4 Breast Cancer and Metatastic Brain Tumours for over 2 years, for two weeks after she passed I had nightmares and relived her dying in front of, I wasn't sleeping well so made an appointment to see my GP, he's amazing and we talked about how I was going, and we decided that I did need some help and was proscribed a mild sleep pill that would help make me fall asleep easier only taken when I needed it and no more that twice a week. This helped a lot, yeah there were tears but I got through the appointment and felt better.

I would highly recommend speaking to your doctor, be open on how you a feeling and that you aren't coping, I am lucky in some ways I have been busy looking after my kids, my son Connor is at home with me so he keeps me busy and we got out most days so I haven't had the time to be down, my 16 year old daughter Ashley keeps me grounded and my 11 year son Ronan keeps me smiling, plus last year I reconnected with my best friend again, I've know her since we were 12, now that's around 32 years this year (yeah showing my age lol) we even dated at High school for 2 years, so she came back in to my life at my lowest point last year when I was going through Depression and ready to give up, Lisa was saying I wasn't helping but I was both Mum & Dad, Uber Driver, PA, Nurse, Full time Career, looking after 3 kids and trying to get my business up and running as well, I know it was the drugs and the tumours talking but it was hard, had no support from my kids or Lisa's parents as they lived with us, all my family live overseas so to have my friend comeback then help. She has continued to help after Lisa passed, Lisa knew of my friend and she pushed me more and more towards her so I would have someone to talk to.

The 24th July 2019 will mark the 6 month mark anniversary of Lisa's passing, I am concentrating on myself for the first time in 4 years, I have lost 10.4 kgs and feeling better about myself, I have grown a beard that I've always wanted to try, my kids are happy now that we have moved into our own home that I started building with Lisa, but she never got to see or experience, which is bitter sweet.

So you might be feeling alone, drowning in emotion, no idea what to do or even how to do it, take small steps, go out feel the sun on your face, feel alive and don't feel guilty about it, I felt like I was having an affair with my friend as we talked every day and have done since Lisa passed, but I realised I was now single and a solo dad with three amazing kids, I might find love and if I do I am grabbing it with both hands and not letting go, is it scary hell yeah but I'm as ready for it as I can be and you can do the same. Just believe in yourself, ring an old school mate or work friend go fo coffee, find something you always wanted to do and do it. 

All the best mate, its taken me a lot of soul searching and believing what people are telling me - Im an amazing guy and a great dad its up lifting and healing. Good luck, Im here if you need a chat 



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