How do you start dating?

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Permalink Reply by Sarahndipity on August 20, 2011 at 1:47am

I was never one for the "dating scene", even when I was 25! :D However, just this past summer, I started going out of my way to re-pursue my own interests. I've gone to free seminars at the library (mostly attended by older women), checked out events in the parks (excellent people-watching), and even took a writing class. I didn't meet any "eligible bachelors" at these things, but I invested in myself, made a couple new girlfriends, and have started to have an active social life. What I remember after my divorce from my first marriage, is that it doesn't matter if we have a few years on us... our attitude and confidence is what attracts a man to us. (I found my John when I wasn't looking for him, and was honestly happy for the first time in my life!) :)  There are meetup groups in most major cities--some are for dating circles, but many are for people who share common interests, from movies to motorcycles. An organizer usually schedules an event, and a bunch of strangers meet in public to share their common interests. (There may even be a widow/widower group near you). As with anything online, you need to use caution. But these are a good way to learn about what's going on in your area, then decide if you want to show up. BTW: it's been just over 2 years since my beloved John passed away, and I am no longer "hung up" on the idea of dating. If I find something good out there I'll letcha know! :D

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Permalink Reply by JennyWisconsin on August 20, 2011 at 1:49pm

I'm interested in what others say on this topic also. I DID sign up on Match.com last weekend. I'm really glad I did. So far I haven't accepted the requests I've gotten to meet, nor have I made any requests. The reason I'm glad is that it's really giving me a chance to think about what I'm really looking for. It's also been flattering to get some "male attention" even if it is through cyber space. I'm going to go real slow here and feel good about that. My next step, I think, will be e-mail a few... Possibly just to correspond or do a casual meet-n-greet.... But don't know whether that will be today, next week, next month. Bottom line, I don't HAVE to do anything until I'm ready.

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Permalink Reply by Cat on January 14, 2012 at 1:25pm

i did something like this but not match.. for that reason.. to get my toes wet in the social pool. I met some really great people that i formed great relationships without actually dating. I did a lot of growing as i made more single friends. I actually had a friend that her brother just got out of a really sad relationship and we happen to meet and hit it off. but all the preperation for being ready for him came from dating type boards. 

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Permalink Reply by Susan B on August 20, 2011 at 2:33pm

I'd say the best way to make new friends of all types is to get involved in your community: library, local public radio station, adult education, arts and crafts classes, service groups, music events clubs, singing groups, special interests (car clubs, athletic groups, etc). The more people you meet, the better chance you have of making new friends, and meeting their friends). Pursue your interests and who knows who you'll meet. Plus it will be low pressure, unlike any type of dating service or singles group. They'll be local people , with local history.

 

In our area there is what is called Newcomer's Club. While meant to orient new residents to the area, anyone can join, and there are dozens of special interest groups within the club: photography, antiques, cards,sports, movies, gardening, etc. Might be worth searching out.

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Permalink Reply by teriw on October 1, 2011 at 5:08pm

I think your response, Susan. I just started to look at some meetup groups. I found one that intrigued me, but I haven't done anything about it yet. It's not specifically for singles, which is fine. I'd be interested to know, did you actually use meetup? How was it? My two best girlfriends are telling me that I'm isolating and need to get out there! I started to look at match.com, and I just couldn't do it yet. I do love the idea of pursuing my own interests, and meeting people who share in them. I love my friends, but I do have interests that none of my friends really share.

I love the idea of a Newcomer's Club!

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Permalink Reply by Susan B on October 2, 2011 at 3:23pm

here's the nearest listed newcomer's club to you: I copied this from the website but there is n't a contact number. It may be inactive, but if you call the Agoura Hills library, they may know. Librarians know everything!Terrific resource people.

AGOURA NEWCOMERS CLUB
Agoura, CA updated Sep-2005 The ANC provides the opportunity for residents to join together in a relaxed atmosphere and to enjoy becoming part of the life in Agoura, Oak Park, and surrounding communities. A wide variety of programs, luncheons, interest groups, and other activities are available to help further new friendships. A coffee is planned every two months where interested residents can meet club members and can learn about the activities the club offers. This newcomer club is not limited to residents who have recently moved into the area; we are open to anyone who has a desire to make new friends.

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Permalink Reply by teriw on October 2, 2011 at 3:59pm

Hi Susan,

 

Thank you so much for copying that for me! I'm going to check it out. I'm actually in the midst of trying to relocate, so I'll definitely look for one when (and if) that move occurs. Thanks for the encouragement and practical info! You're right, ask a Librarian, they know everything. That's a resource I've long forgotten.

 

teri

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Permalink Reply by Robert's Baby on August 23, 2011 at 3:39pm

Today is the 8 month anniversary of Roberts death and I started dating 3 weeks ago. Not intentional by any means. Went to a concert with friends, started talking with a guy there, he took my number and we've talked almost everyday since meeting. Have been on several dates which have been great! He too is a widow of a 40 year marriage so we have that in common; we talk about our spouses and how much we miss them as well as sharing other interest.

 

For me I just started doing things that I enjoy and happened to meet someone. The key, for me, is to find my happiness in doing things that are satisfying to ME and I think the rest will follow. It's not often that we have the opportunity to be selfish....being a widow (children grown) gives me that. So I say, be selfish, treat yourself, and you'll find others like you. Hope that helps.

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Permalink Reply by travelingirl on September 1, 2011 at 11:08am

Robert's Baby, What a great response. You've inspired me to keep all my options open and pursue some things that interest me not necessarily to meet men but to open up my life to new possibilities and experiences. As you say I'm going to be selfish and treat myself. Thanks.

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Permalink Reply by travelingirl on December 10, 2011 at 12:40pm

Rachel, I started a couple of months ago going to meetup events and have had a great time.  I started with a movie meetup group and have joined a performing arts group and a travel group.  I'm not raising children although I'm pretty busy with my grandsons but kids do take up a lot of your time ane energy.  I rejoined an online dating site and someone that I had been emailing to last year reached out again and we actually went out on a date.  Very public place of course.  You have to be careful.  This was my first date since 1967.  My husband and I were married 40 years when he died in 2008.  Had a wonderful time.  I felt very at ease with him and we talked and talked for almost 5 hours.  We even held hands and he kissed me goodnight twice!  It was a very positive experience.  Will it continue?  I don't know and it's not important.  At 62, I'm back on my feet and ready to go wherever life takes me.  The biggest piece of advise I can give you is relax.  Do you have friends who could babysit for  you sometimes?  Going out with a meetup group was the best way for me to get out there again.  I have nothing but married couple friends and I desperately wanted to meet some single people--men and women.  It worked for me.  Finding  a group of single people who share your interests is a great way to get back into the single scene.  Good luck.

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Permalink Reply by NMWidower on December 12, 2011 at 11:12am

I liked eHarmony.  See if you can find a first time coupon though it is a pay site and that helps at the start.  One thing that I really liked about it at first was that it really helped me understand who "I" was now after the loss.  The guided dating really helps you ask a lot of questions about yourself and others and helped me think a lot.  That alone has helped me understand a lot of who I am and who I am not on this side.  Even if I never dated (which I did) I would have appreciated this for that alone.

It really is different dating at this stage in life.  I found that both daunting, scary, and challenging caring for kids.  EHarmony helped me to at least get a chance at socializing and communicating without having to go out a lot at the beginning.  After you meet a few people that seem to be of quality you can start more traditional dating with them.  I liked that too.  

Having someone watch the kids is essential.  Being wise and safe at first is also highly recommended.  Its easy to get carried away.  I am glad to have seen in my case a quality person is willing to take the time to get to know me and has the patience too.  If you can find a meetup group or a single group that you fit in I think that is a great way to make friend s that can help give you good feedback as well.  Its hard not feeling like one "fit's in" to many situations where people are dating.  I found that really challenging and something that was also hard to meet people outside eHarmony.

Its great to see that you do want to date though.  That is a really big sign of healing and is really wonderful.  Just take it a little at a time as you can handle it and you will find things that work. Wish you the best! I bet you will do great!

Pat-NMWidower

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Permalink Reply by missing Jethro on December 16, 2011 at 10:08pm

I wish I could say I've gotten my feet wet, but I don't have much advice to share except, I'm feeling ready to go out some as well and even though my husband has only been gone a year, I miss the companionship, talks, that the male friend can bring to a relationship.  Not looking for love, but good male friends, and if love happens to come along, then that will be a blessing.  My kids are both grown....I too am 46 year old... never thought I'd be a widow, starting my life over.  But here I am, lonely, girlfriends are great, but there's always something missing.  So I've been on a couple of dinner dates, nothing more and some weeks I never even talk to anyone, other times, I have several guy friends calling at once. It's just "where is the safe" places to meet them.  I got on one meeting website and it freaked me so, I got off as soon as I could.  And I had one "scary" date episode, so we have got to be on our guards, and careful.... I would love to find someone like myself, a widowed man... I feel that is a person that truly undderstands the pain I feel... I realize divorcees feel pain too, but it's different in many ways.  I will pray for you as you begin a journey of having fun too.  I laugh and live when I'm out around other people and I know my husband would want me to be happy again, not at home alone and sad.  It's just where to go to meet the right kind of people....  Thinking of you all, like myself... looking to live and have fun again... 

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