For me a little over three years. While I do not post or respond as much as in the beginning I do check this site weekly. It provides encouragement and knowing you unfortunately are not alone. They say it gets better in time, for me I feel as raw as when Janet died, I just got use to the pain. Hopefully, that doesn't apply to most everyone here.
How have you adjusted over time, especially those a few years out?
This old Eskimo is in a very similar place. I think there are more of us than we can imagine.
I would never tell anyone in our situation that it gets "better", because being a widower is not some medical condition from which I can "recover". I will share this bit of wisdom that another widower shared with me when I was new to all of this after the evening of July 20, 2011: "Over time, it will become easier, but it will never be easy." I have been here on-and-off for about seven years now.
I do various and sundry things to fill my time and to get out of the house: I'm still working, so that alone gets me out five days per week. I lift weights/run and take part in the occasional sports competition [even at the advanced old age of 62 :-)]; I garden; I travel; I keep in contact with various individuals by telephone/text/email; I go out on occasion with others; I sometimes do volunteer work or get involved in some cause. Occasionally I look in on some Meet-up group or consider taking classes at some of the local universities--in Ohio, it's possible to audit classes at several public colleges/universities, and I want to keep my mind active. My wife and I used to take ballroom dance lessons, so I attempted to continue doing that for a bit, but that turned out to be a mistake, so I stopped going. It just wasn't the same. I never had any problem adjusting to housework, because I knew how to cook (learned that from my grandfather and father), do laundry and clean the house. (I have not yet manged the finer points of sewing a button, although I do try it from time to time.) I don't know whether I've "adjusted", but after 7.5 years on my own, I expect to finish this ride on Planet Earth alone.
Even at three years, you should take your time and do whatever feels comfortable to you. The world is full of advice-givers, but until they walk on our paths, they will remain "those-who-don't-get-it". Hugs to all.
Apparently I joined just a few weeks after Ed died so I was on October 2013. I don't post a lot but I do read a lot. When I do post I try to tell where I am at now, into my 6th year without Ed.
It is such an experience to come here and read peoples' posts and they are just like what I am thinking! I hate that we have to have this group but I am grateful for everyone. I want to hug those so new in grief and hug those who share their experiences. It is the one place I can truly share what I am going through. I think my siblings do understand - one has lost a wife but he is remarried.
Just hugs to all - it's good we can come here and speak our hearts.
When Susan and I were married, we blended families. She came with a son, Scott who was 11 and I came with two boys Chris and Eric (8 & 5). It was not long until we realized that the boys were playing with us. At the same time we came to realize that we were talking at each other instead of to each other. We joined Nation Wide Marriage Encounter and spent an intense weekend retreat. During that time,we learned to write journals and letters to each other. my problem was that as I guy, I thought in facts and Susan in feelings. I had to learn to write so that if, for instance I said I felt trapped, I had to explain it so that she could understand that feeling. Trapped as in a schedule conflict, or trapped as in sitting in a tree with a 100 pound German Shepherd at the foot of the tree trying to get at me and kill me. We also learned to use the scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the strongest and one the weakest. We did so well we were invited to become a part of the team and teach and lead the groups.
When Susan passed and I joined WV, I glanced at the Chat Room one night and the folks were teasing each other, and chatting with each other, and obviously had known each other for a while to become that comfortable with everyone. I was a basket case, and at that time, and my place in grief, I backed away from the Chat Room. I read just about every post there was, and responded to those that I felt akin to. I even wrote a blog. From our background in writing to each other we found that in order to write, you have to think, put stuff in a logical order, and explain what you write. In writing, you have to think about what you want to say and how to say it. This thinking, and the process of writing, gets my mind working and in the process of getting it on the paper I find it helps me come to grips with my loss, and with planning for the future. Now, with my "schedule" I'm checking into the Chat Room around 1030 to midnight nearly every night. It's just that many times, I'm by myself as 10:30 my time is 0030 on the East coast and news time on the West.
For me Writing does help.
Here for some odd years off & on. I began my journey on a young widow site, then onto another after aging out of the first then here to offer support & suggestions ...
At 11 1/2 years out, life is normal as it should be. Grief ended 4 years ago. Widow brain was the longest & hardest to overcome - diligent work was the key ...
In the end, I found it was all in the way I took care of my grief & myself ...
Peace be w/you ...
For me it is still Raw, my wife Lisa passed on the 24th Jan 2019 due to Stage 4 Breast Cancer and Metastatic Brain, we were married for 22 years. I tried to register for this site a week or two after she had passed but didn't receive an email back confirming it, so had to try a second time with was accepted, so I think I've been here for a little over 3 weeks. Posted a few times and still finding it hard when writing my reply's as it brings back feelings and memories & tears.
Ive been told that you never get over the pain, but like Rich said it gets easier to deal and live with.
My Condolences to everyone here for your loss, I hope good memories and love get you through your days, weeks, months and years. Never forget and never belittle your feelings even if others do... we are all grieving in our own ways.
Love & Hugs
Been on here on and off since 2014. I'm not on here as much now, but I do check from time to time. It doesn't seem to have as many people on it as it did when I first joined.