I looked on your profile & saw your husband passed away October 2016. That is only 5 months ago. Do not let anyone tell you to "get over it" or "move on". Even after two it's hard. The best way I read was the volume just gets turned down as time passes. You are still in the full blast time.
My husband passed suddenly May 2013. One of the hardest places was to go to church. I went after 2 weeks a few times, then had to stop. The staring, stupid questions and comments got too much. I got panic attacks, which I had never had before in my life. They are still not totally gone yet. I know ladies who found the first year the hardest, some never wanted to leave the house, Some couldn't stand being in the house.
When I was ready I went on Meetup.com (not a dating a site) & tried to find groups I could join. It took a few, then a man started a widow/widowers group. It was the best. It is for moving forward with people who understand. Not a grief group.
Does your church offer a grief support class? I met nice ladies their. The "class" wasn't great, but it was the meeting people, talking after knowing people are going thru the same things. Especially when I thought I was going crazy. I couldn't concentrate, remember things so frustrating.
Working out of the home makes things hard. Tough when you are feeling good to get up & get to work. For me I, I made myself check off at least one thing off the to-do list everyday. Then a couple weeks later two things.
I really feel for you. It is so hard doing this pain by ourselves.
I don't have an answer. I am 9 months out. I can say this: "Longer than you think, but not forever."
This was helpful:
I was married for nearly 28 years. It's been nearly 5 years for me. At about 7 or 8 months I stopped worrying so much about the future. Things are going well these days, but it did take time. It is still so hard to believe that Cindy is gone. My son has graduated from college. My daughter has also graduated from college and has gotten married. We are doing well as a family, so grateful for that! Sending good thoughts your way. One day at a time.