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I haven't been back to Jerry's grave site yet.  His daughter and I plan on riding up there with the restored "55 Bel Air he never got to drive and blast him some Freebird!  I'm not really looking forward to that.  I wanted to go first alone, when his plaque is in place because seeing that will hit me hard.  Apparently, it's going to be 90 days for that and she want's to go ahead and take the car up there.  So, I'm waiting her call for that gut wrenching ride. 

I have big plans to keep the flowers looking good etc.  but, as life happens I'm sure like most people I know, it will taper off as time goes on.  I was wondering how many of us keep those flowers fresh, how often you really go to the site and make sure it's neat, cleaned up and looking good?   Has time effected how often you go?  When you're there, do you get a sense of acceptance or does it flood you with overwhelming feelings?  

My plan is to go once a month and change out the flowers.  Not just on Jerry's but his wife's as well.  I don't want them mismatched :) They are in a, I guess it's a mausoleum.  It's a big wall thing with lots of spaces.  Thankfully they are at the bottom and I don't have to take a ladder with me to change the flowers.  Part of me is filled with trepidation, I don't want to see his name etched in bronze.  It's too real.  The other part wants to honor both him and his wife and make sure both graves are adorned with fresh flowers.   

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I'm another who has (most of my wife's) ashes in an urn at home, so I guess it's everyday for me too. I have also scattered some of Judith's ashes in various locations and buried a portion at her parents' grave, located where we grew up. Whenever I visit my folks (a 375-mile drive), I stop at the cemetery.

Thank you all for your replies, I was just curious.

I visit Frank's grave every week or so, not on any schedule.  The cemetery is nearby so I can go spur of the moment.  I first stop and buy flowers at a big grocery store nearby. Will probably switch to silk flowers soon... I find the visit at the cemetery very comforting.  I talk to him, recite an ee cummings poem, sing Amazing Grace or Danny Boy or both. I usually cry.  I pray, thanking God for sending my husband my way 40-some years ago.  I don't know exactly why I like to visit---I know he isn't there, at least not any more than he is anywhere else here on earth.  (I do feel his presence often and I am grateful for that.  I think he mostly just wants me to know that he loves me and he wants me to not be so sad.)

I'm glad you feel Franks presence.  I wish I felt Jerry around me.

   I don't dont know why, but I have a hard time when I visit his grave. I feel guilty. But I'm not sure why.


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