I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and we all must have some different viewpoints depending on our age.
So I was 44 when my husband died in '06. I felt surrounded by intact families with moms and dads..and I was out of place and out of sync with my friends who were no longer single but also had never experienced being widowed. I felt so different from everyone else. I felt like a lonely loser at times. I hated going to my children's school events alone or to social activities.
I also felt too young to want to be without a partner, so I wanted to date and to be part of a couple again. But I felt like being in my mid-40s was a terrible age to be single because there would be no one to date who wasn't either divorced after only being married briefly or a little old to still be single. Also, it was hard to talk to my friends about dating. They were mostly in mid-life marriages and didn't really want to hear about my dating...so that felt a little lonely too. No one to compare notes with. I felt like I wished I didn't have to date again, yet I think it made some of my friends a little jealous to think of me getting to do that again. Again, I felt very out of sync with my peers.
I also felt like it was terrible to lose my husband after we had done the hard work of raising young children and then they were just at an age where travelling and doing stuff with them would be so much easier now that they weren't really little anymore.
I felt like it was unlikely I would ever find someone else again.
I was 55 last summer when my husband died from early onset Alzheimer's at the age of 58. Our ages set us apart from most couple's dealing with an Alzheimer's diagnosis and it continues to make me feel like I don't fit in with anyone around me. Rick attended a respite day care program two days a week where he was 10-15 years younger than all the other program participants. I wanted to join the Alzheimer's support group but I was told I wouldn't be a good fit there because, like Rick, I would be 15-20 years younger other caregivers.Instead, arrangements were made for me to start individual counseling through Hospice. After Rick passed, I joined both the group for widows and the mixed group. Again... I was the youngest attending both groups and the only participate who wasn't retired.
Thankfully, none of my family and friend have lost their spouses so no one knows how it feels to losing your best friend, your lover, your hopes, dreams and your future. All include me in social activities but given the experiences that I've been through in the past 5 years caring for Rick and now adjusting to life alone, again... I don't fit. My parents have friends who have lost a spouse. They are in their 80s. Losing a spouse in your 80s is very different from when you are in your 50s.
I agree to what you are saying. I was 49 when Doug died, & joined a bereavement group everyone was 15 - 20 years older. I thought if one more person says "You are too young to be a widow" I would smack them. All I can say is yes I agree. But I felt as if they were saying I had no right to be there, or they were making it clear I wouldn't fit.
I went to a new widow group last week at a local church, the very first words said to me were: "you're too young to be a widow".
I would happily not be one if possible.
I don't fit in with married people., I joined a single group & I don't fit in there as they are divorced & very bitter. It's hard to sit there & listen to how awful men are, he's such a loser blah blah. I can't relate.
I feel like I am in no where land. I just belong no where.
Same age difference between me and Janet. She was 54, I was 60. So far what I have discovered (at least in my case), time does not heal. Hopefully I am one of just a few of the exceptions.
Yep. I'm 42 and my husband died in a mountain accident last June (can't believe it's almost been a year). He was 40. We'd been married 14.5 years, together for 20 and have 2 daughters 11 and 9. I don't know what to do -- I can't imagine living with someone else, but I also can't imagine being alone for the rest of my life. How to find someone who wants to take on a widow with 2 kids, but do I want to take on someone new who has their own baggage? Change what we know? How does all this work? IT's not like being single, in your 20s, no kids, no house, etc.
My husband was 60 and I was 55. We were in our first year of ‘retirement’ together. However, our ‘retirement’ was to be much bigger than our careers. We had formed a business and signed a book deal just 10 days before he suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I remain so lost.....This. Is. So. Hard.
Hugs to you Tate. Being places with couples kind of makes me uncomfortable, too.