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How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?

I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and we all must have some different viewpoints depending on our age.

 

So I was 44 when my husband died in '06. I felt surrounded by intact families with moms and dads..and I was out of place and out of sync with my friends who were no longer single but also had never experienced being widowed. I felt so different from everyone else. I felt like a lonely loser at times. I hated going to my children's school events alone or to social activities.

 

I also felt too young to want to be without a partner, so I wanted to date and to be part of a couple again. But I felt like being in my mid-40s was a terrible age to be single because there would be no one to date who wasn't either divorced after only being married briefly or a little old to still be single. Also, it was hard to talk to my friends about dating. They were mostly in mid-life marriages and didn't really want to hear about my dating...so that felt a little lonely too. No one to compare notes with. I felt like I wished I didn't have to date again, yet I think it made some of my friends a little jealous to think of me getting to do that again. Again, I felt very out of sync with my peers.

 

I also felt like it was terrible to lose my husband after we had done the hard work of raising young children and then they were just at an age where travelling and doing stuff with them would be so much easier now that they weren't really little anymore.

 

I felt like it was unlikely I would ever find someone else again.

 

 

 

 

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I lost my wife 2 months ago. I'm 58. From now on I'm just a single widower. I never want to be in another romantic relationship. I just want to be there for my (grown) children and my grandson.

I am 55 years old and lost my husband 2 months ago in December.  My self concept right now, I'm a widow and the saddest person I know. I pray with time this heartache lessens, but as of right now heartache and sadness is what I live through daily.

I lost my husband of 42 years almost 6 months ago at age 64.  And I have some concerns about growing old alone.  I have visited the elderly pretty much all my adult life and do so now.  I have seen many tears and sorrows of lonely and unvisited older folks and I fear that I could be in that place one day too. Now my older son is attentive and has said I could even live with him if it comes to that.  My younger son is breaking my heart and has been distant;  I hope I never have to look to him for my care. And where I used to really go for it with exercise and so forth, now I am careful and do not push too hard because I am afraid of injury.  I know I waste too much time but I have not yet found my niche in my new life; I just seem to be seeking distractions. And I know that some of the things my husband and I enjoyed doing together are now a thing of the past although I am trying to seek some unattached friends to do things with.  I cannot even ever imagine another man in my life; don't want it.  So, that being said, I need to figure out how to best live the rest of my life as a widow and find peace in doing so.

Sorry for all of your losses.   I was 71 when I lost my wife 3 1/2 months ago.   She was 72 when she passed and for most of the last 20+ years I was also her care giver.  She always told me that she hoped she went first because she couldn't find anyone to take care of her if I went first. She always thought she was a burden on me but I told her that was just part of our marriage vows, "for better or worse" .  We would always joke that we had enough of the worse we hope the better starts soon. I guess the one thing that kept us going was the humor we both had,  guess you need to laugh to keep from crying and right about now I need to find something to make the laugh..

I tip my hat to you for all the many years of caregiving you did for your wife. I did it for my husband for sixteen years and understand the bittersweetness of it. We were just a couple months short of 50 years when he died. When I mentioned that to a neighbor at the time, he said "Wow! You really believed those vows, didn't you?" Yes, I did. Some days I didn't like it and resented the hard, physical work. Mostly, I strongly believed a commitment was something that could not be broken, no matter what. We raised three children whom I'm very proud of and now I'm even a great-grandmother of three little girls. Lots of hugs and smiles and laughter still in my life. Just different kinds. As it should be. Keep searching and you will one day start feeling joy again.

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