I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and we all must have some different viewpoints depending on our age.
So I was 44 when my husband died in '06. I felt surrounded by intact families with moms and dads..and I was out of place and out of sync with my friends who were no longer single but also had never experienced being widowed. I felt so different from everyone else. I felt like a lonely loser at times. I hated going to my children's school events alone or to social activities.
I also felt too young to want to be without a partner, so I wanted to date and to be part of a couple again. But I felt like being in my mid-40s was a terrible age to be single because there would be no one to date who wasn't either divorced after only being married briefly or a little old to still be single. Also, it was hard to talk to my friends about dating. They were mostly in mid-life marriages and didn't really want to hear about my dating...so that felt a little lonely too. No one to compare notes with. I felt like I wished I didn't have to date again, yet I think it made some of my friends a little jealous to think of me getting to do that again. Again, I felt very out of sync with my peers.
I also felt like it was terrible to lose my husband after we had done the hard work of raising young children and then they were just at an age where travelling and doing stuff with them would be so much easier now that they weren't really little anymore.
I felt like it was unlikely I would ever find someone else again.
Hello! I'm at the point where my son is almost done with school and seems to have a serious girlfriend...daughter is still in her first year, but the reality is that they'll be on their own soon enough. I'm now 50, and have no idea what I will do totally by myself. So I think I'll join your pity party :-)
My late wife's older bother (he's about 65) lived all his life (and now) about one to two blocks from my mother in law. The other brother (and of course my late wife and I) both moved away to another state. I have a feeling that both kids will move far away...maybe. If one of them were two blocks away...then I'd be fine...
You will get to the crying trust me. It takes awhile for the reality to set in, you know their gone but still expect to see them.For me it was a few months before I Let loose and after 11 months I still cry daily. I am so sorry for your loss. It is definitely heartbreaking. When the new baby comes may be when you will let loose. Try to be gentle with yourself, all of what you are feeling is normal for grief. Sandi
I'm sorry about your situation... Although the word SORRY doesn't do much. ... I was 59 when Paul passed away. He had an aggressive brain cancer that we knew would be the end of his wonderful life. ( The cancer is called Glioblastoma) People have told me that I MIGHT not feel so SHELL SHOCKED when he passes, because I went trough 17 months of something called " Anticipatory Grief " ..... I still feel alone.
I hope you find your life to be Full again.
We were told that Paul had 15 - 18 ... He lived for 17 mos. But "I" think he could have lived much longer if the Cancer hadn't spread to his spine. His Gliobastoma spread to the spine and left tumors in it's wake. If only they knew this was happening. I know, it's no use thinking " If Only " ...
I'm so sorry to hear that. Paul was only 62 when he passed. I slowly realized that I was a widow at 59. Now 60. I too wonder what I'm to do now. .... I can imagine your grief.
So Steve's cancer spread just like Paul's did and they( Dr's ) didn't even know it. Or even look for it. Dr. McPherson, his first surgeon to remove a tumor, told us that his cancer would not spread to anywhere else. That it would stay contained in his head. WHY do they tell us things like that when it's not true.
Paul had asked them once, " Will I see Christmas "... She said " Oh Yes " ... I have a recording of that Dr.s appointment. I recorded most of them. It hurts to listen to them. But I want to hear his voice.
Enough of my ranting... Again, I'm sorry for your pain.