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How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?

I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and we all must have some different viewpoints depending on our age.

 

So I was 44 when my husband died in '06. I felt surrounded by intact families with moms and dads..and I was out of place and out of sync with my friends who were no longer single but also had never experienced being widowed. I felt so different from everyone else. I felt like a lonely loser at times. I hated going to my children's school events alone or to social activities.

 

I also felt too young to want to be without a partner, so I wanted to date and to be part of a couple again. But I felt like being in my mid-40s was a terrible age to be single because there would be no one to date who wasn't either divorced after only being married briefly or a little old to still be single. Also, it was hard to talk to my friends about dating. They were mostly in mid-life marriages and didn't really want to hear about my dating...so that felt a little lonely too. No one to compare notes with. I felt like I wished I didn't have to date again, yet I think it made some of my friends a little jealous to think of me getting to do that again. Again, I felt very out of sync with my peers.

 

I also felt like it was terrible to lose my husband after we had done the hard work of raising young children and then they were just at an age where travelling and doing stuff with them would be so much easier now that they weren't really little anymore.

 

I felt like it was unlikely I would ever find someone else again.

 

 

 

 

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I just lost my husband Dan 4 weeks ago. I am 34 and he was 50, we were together for 5 and a half years and only married for a year and a half. We had no children together but he had 2 adult children from his previous marriage that I love. He was my everything and we were head over heals for each other, oh I love him so much and we had so much fun together. I do not know anyone my age that is a widow and it is very hard for me because I really wish I knew someone my age that could relate. I have some amazing friends but they have not been through this and that makes it hard. I am seeing a counselor but she has not been through this either so I feel all she can do for me is listen, not that, that is a bad thing, she is a very good listener so far it just sometimes doesn't feel like enough. I just joined this site so I am hopping to connect with people that have went though this to get some insight on how do I get through this. 

I was 59

So was I! My name is Susan as well.

My husband became ill at age 37. He had ideopathic cardiomyopathy, a heart failure disease. There was no cure but a heart transplant. He had a pacemaker, but in 1990 there were no implantable defibulators. He died in 1997 a day before he turned 48. I was 47. It was 20 years ago this past September. Our lives and our son’s life were changed forever upon his diagnosis. After he died, my liife was a mess. I don’t drive due to a brain bleed and craniotomy when I was 8. I lost more than 1/2 my vision. Norm taught me to backpack, camp, hike, cross country ski with no fear. I was lost without him. Our son was 16 when his dad died. He left for college a year later. Then I was totally alone. I stayed there in the house we helped build for ten years, then sold and moved to FL. Ten years later,I am alone. I never wanted to be with anyone but him. Ilost lots of friends, grew apart from siblings (all 6 still married). I feel odd with couples, so I figured out that I like me, and am ok now. Not great, but ok. beans

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