I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and we all must have some different viewpoints depending on our age.
So I was 44 when my husband died in '06. I felt surrounded by intact families with moms and dads..and I was out of place and out of sync with my friends who were no longer single but also had never experienced being widowed. I felt so different from everyone else. I felt like a lonely loser at times. I hated going to my children's school events alone or to social activities.
I also felt too young to want to be without a partner, so I wanted to date and to be part of a couple again. But I felt like being in my mid-40s was a terrible age to be single because there would be no one to date who wasn't either divorced after only being married briefly or a little old to still be single. Also, it was hard to talk to my friends about dating. They were mostly in mid-life marriages and didn't really want to hear about my dating...so that felt a little lonely too. No one to compare notes with. I felt like I wished I didn't have to date again, yet I think it made some of my friends a little jealous to think of me getting to do that again. Again, I felt very out of sync with my peers.
I also felt like it was terrible to lose my husband after we had done the hard work of raising young children and then they were just at an age where travelling and doing stuff with them would be so much easier now that they weren't really little anymore.
I felt like it was unlikely I would ever find someone else again.
i work with almost all married people who go straight home after work and there isn't much camaraderie there,. People have their nose in their work and that's it. I just don't relate to them anymore. I need to be around different people. I'm going to retire in three months, pretty soon after i'm eligible.
Tate, I totally understand the feelings around couples. Thankfully, none of my family, friends or friends of friends or co-workers have lost a spouse. Absolutely no one has been through this. All friends and family members over the age of 30 are married. Those who used to complain about the spouses in the past now have a better appreciation for them after my husband died.
I'm finding myself preferring to being alone then being with couples and trying to pretend that either I fit in or that I'm not hurting.
I was age 55 when I was widowed. This was in 2008. I am just beginning to get excited about life and doing things again. I still don't watch British comedies, because that is what my husband and I always did together. I do not grieve anymore, but remember the good things that we enjoyed as a couple. The camping, fishing, hiking, talking, and just being near each other.
A year ago, my best friend said I should start dating or she would find me someone. She was widowed in 2005 and now lives with someone and has adopted her 4 year old niece, Madeline (a.k.a. Maddy). I am maddy's honorary aunt and adore this energetic girl. I did as my friend suggested and looked up an old flame of mine from my home town. His name is Davy, He was my first crush and first time i kissed a boy (he was 16 and I was a mature 14) year old). To my surprise, Davy (David) was widowed, a father of two girls, and a cat lover. I thought perfect, I have two sons, and a cat lover too. We went on a few dates, which led to many more. After a year of dating, we are now officially proclaimed boyfriend and girlfriend. When he kissed, me after our first date, he said "It's been a long time": I replies, "Yes, too long".
Now I feel like an explorer of a new life. at 63, I am as happy as a teenager facing the dating challenges. I am wearing makeup again, fixing my hair, ( am letting it get longer because it makes me feel more feminine) I am experiencing the butterflies of romance again, he is the light of my world, and we are talking of eventually living together. He helped me set up a small art exhibit at a Good shepherd Lutheran church. On June 8th, he helped me get set up for a major art exhibit at the Anderson-foothill City Library in Salt Lake City. which runs until July 20. He likes to have me read my poetry that I write. Even my writing has improved and went from tragedy based, to positive, spiritual, and humorous based.
I still remember the years I wasted wallowing in my own misery and feel that I should have started enjoying life sooner...but I was married for 28 years to a wonderful man...and now I feel connected to another one. how can a person ever get that lucky? i feel a bit guilty sometimes, but for now, I will just enjoy life and all it has to offer in my senior years.
I was 61 and he was 67. He was my rock so being on my own as been a shock but after 4 years am coping better and know this is what he would want. I have 5 sons but have found after time they expect you to move on and don;t understand when you spend over 1/2 of your life with someone there will always be a huge hole in your heart. Been 4 years but still miss him everyday. At my age I have accepted that this is now my life and try to make the most of it, heartache and all.
I was 29 when my husband died and just turned 30 four days ago.
I feel completely out of the loop with everyone who was in the "before" stage of my life. All but four AMAZING friends have high tailed it to the hills and have no contact with me. All of the other friends, colleagues, church friends, social acquaintances my husband and I had before he passed have not made contact with me in the last six months. I realize this is tough for everyone, and they don't know what to say. I mean what do you say when someone loses their husband at such a young age, right on the verge of finishing college degrees, starting a family and just living a "normal" life?
It makes me feel like a leper, underscores the loneliness, highlights the emptiness, makes me very angry and also utterly sad. I am blessed and have made some new friends in my support groups and have one best friend who is also a YWW, she lost her husband to cancer a year before my loss.
I was 42 when my husband died suddenly in an accident last year (June '16). We had been married 14.5 years, and together for nearly 20. I have had the same thoughts as you -- who is out there? I hear so many horror stories about ex-spouses, and what little I hear about dating these days sounds exhausting, (my friends and I had been talking prior to all this mess about how glad we were to be out of the dating phase) but I feel I'm too young to be a widow and alone for the rest of my life. We, too, had done all the work in the beginning, raised 2 girls past the challenging infant/toddler stages (the girls are now 9 & 11 and have different challenges, but they're certainly "easier" than babies). I also feel that it's gonna take some amazing human to want to be with a widow, esp a widow with kids. Know what I mean?
I also have a hard time with other couple's anniversaries - anyone else? I mean, I'm happy for them, but it hurts.
Don't give up hope, MPMom. I was divorced at age 43 with a 12-year old son who was floundering in middle school and a an alcoholic ex-husband. I met my second husband, Ron, in a theology class. I was looking for companionship for myself but he turned out to be a spectacular stepfather. We were together almost 20 years before he died last November. Before he died I told him that my two granddaughters, even though they aren't blood relatives of his, are his granddaughters because without his influence, my son never would have straightened out and gotten into a healthy marriage.
I'm 64 and I'm actually hoping that that part of my life isn't over yet. I don't want to remarry (too many legal/financial entanglements) and I'm not sure I even want to cohabitate, but I wouldn't mind having another good man in my life.