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How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?

I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and we all must have some different viewpoints depending on our age.

 

So I was 44 when my husband died in '06. I felt surrounded by intact families with moms and dads..and I was out of place and out of sync with my friends who were no longer single but also had never experienced being widowed. I felt so different from everyone else. I felt like a lonely loser at times. I hated going to my children's school events alone or to social activities.

 

I also felt too young to want to be without a partner, so I wanted to date and to be part of a couple again. But I felt like being in my mid-40s was a terrible age to be single because there would be no one to date who wasn't either divorced after only being married briefly or a little old to still be single. Also, it was hard to talk to my friends about dating. They were mostly in mid-life marriages and didn't really want to hear about my dating...so that felt a little lonely too. No one to compare notes with. I felt like I wished I didn't have to date again, yet I think it made some of my friends a little jealous to think of me getting to do that again. Again, I felt very out of sync with my peers.

 

I also felt like it was terrible to lose my husband after we had done the hard work of raising young children and then they were just at an age where travelling and doing stuff with them would be so much easier now that they weren't really little anymore.

 

I felt like it was unlikely I would ever find someone else again.

 

 

 

 

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I agree with u but at my age it’s kind of hard to find a companion someone supportive and kind

I was 43 at the time( now 52 ).......Hmm........I do say I am blessed

I was 32, just 14 short months ago.  We have 2 children (11&12).  I am lost.

Hi Jwick - Also 32 with a young child...I get the lost feeling too...happened in early summer for me and still feel disbelief every day too...very surreal being in this club... 

Early 30s with a 9mo old baby. I couldn't stand how people would say, you're young, you'll find someone else.  Hmmm, well by the time I thought about dating, I was on the other side of 35. Available men? Um nope! If they hadn't already been married, what's wrong with them, if they are divorced...same question.  Men years younger,  well less baggage but immature, older- lots of baggage! I've gotten to the acceptance point of I'm good with doing what I want, it's wierd that married friends are jealous.? But I had my best friend who I was very fortunate to be married to since our early 20s. We got through college, careers, moves, finally feeling prepared for the next step we had just started our family. We were trying for #2 when he didn't come home from skiing that day, taking a pregnancy test after his death was unexplainable.  Our beautiful daughter is a lot of fun! And if someday someone comes along who can keep up with me then great, for now acceptance is a relief. 

i was 57 he was 59. It has been 12 months and I miss him

more. Reality has sunk in.

52, very alone. I didn't fit in at my age. I am now 54. My friends made time for me but they are not available every time I want company. I worry about me being old in the future. I still feel no need for another man. It actually turns my stomach when guys have been forward with me because they have approached me in inappropriate ways. 

I am 33. We have 2 children (9 & 10). I am so alone. 

24 years old when I lost mine 7 months ago. We had been together since we were 17 and married for almost 3 years. It's been strange because I had been with her for every change and every major decision of my adult life. Losing her kinda felt like losing my adulthood--my family and parents became much more involved in my life, I didn't know how to approach social situations without her, I went back to eating a lot of junk food because I don't want to cook as much, I have terrible sleep patterns again, I don't want to do the things anyone else tells me I need to. There's moments where I feel like I reverted back to a 17-year-old, before I met my future wife.

One of the unexpected things about grieving at my age is the fact that almost all my friends are married, engaged, or having babies (except for maybe ~4, all of whom are busy between multiple jobs or school). I feel like I can't get away from these blatant and loud examples of what I'm missing most when I'm with my friends in relationships. It's one reason I appreciate these forums here; I can see the thoughts and emotions of people I can relate to in my rough moments. 

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