This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?

I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and we all must have some different viewpoints depending on our age.


So I was 44 when my husband died in '06. I felt surrounded by intact families with moms and dads..and I was out of place and out of sync with my friends who were no longer single but also had never experienced being widowed. I felt so different from everyone else. I felt like a lonely loser at times. I hated going to my children's school events alone or to social activities.


I also felt too young to want to be without a partner, so I wanted to date and to be part of a couple again. But I felt like being in my mid-40s was a terrible age to be single because there would be no one to date who wasn't either divorced after only being married briefly or a little old to still be single. Also, it was hard to talk to my friends about dating. They were mostly in mid-life marriages and didn't really want to hear about my that felt a little lonely too. No one to compare notes with. I felt like I wished I didn't have to date again, yet I think it made some of my friends a little jealous to think of me getting to do that again. Again, I felt very out of sync with my peers.


I also felt like it was terrible to lose my husband after we had done the hard work of raising young children and then they were just at an age where travelling and doing stuff with them would be so much easier now that they weren't really little anymore.


I felt like it was unlikely I would ever find someone else again.





Views: 60335

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

I lost my wife 2 months ago. I'm 58. From now on I'm just a single widower. I never want to be in another romantic relationship. I just want to be there for my (grown) children and my grandson.

I am 55 years old and lost my husband 2 months ago in December.  My self concept right now, I'm a widow and the saddest person I know. I pray with time this heartache lessens, but as of right now heartache and sadness is what I live through daily.

Sorry for all of your losses.   I was 71 when I lost my wife 3 1/2 months ago.   She was 72 when she passed and for most of the last 20+ years I was also her care giver.  She always told me that she hoped she went first because she couldn't find anyone to take care of her if I went first. She always thought she was a burden on me but I told her that was just part of our marriage vows, "for better or worse" .  We would always joke that we had enough of the worse we hope the better starts soon. I guess the one thing that kept us going was the humor we both had,  guess you need to laugh to keep from crying and right about now I need to find something to make the laugh..


© 2019   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service