A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and we all must have some different viewpoints depending on our age.
So I was 44 when my husband died in '06. I felt surrounded by intact families with moms and dads..and I was out of place and out of sync with my friends who were no longer single but also had never experienced being widowed. I felt so different from everyone else. I felt like a lonely loser at times. I hated going to my children's school events alone or to social activities.
I also felt too young to want to be without a partner, so I wanted to date and to be part of a couple again. But I felt like being in my mid-40s was a terrible age to be single because there would be no one to date who wasn't either divorced after only being married briefly or a little old to still be single. Also, it was hard to talk to my friends about dating. They were mostly in mid-life marriages and didn't really want to hear about my dating...so that felt a little lonely too. No one to compare notes with. I felt like I wished I didn't have to date again, yet I think it made some of my friends a little jealous to think of me getting to do that again. Again, I felt very out of sync with my peers.
I also felt like it was terrible to lose my husband after we had done the hard work of raising young children and then they were just at an age where travelling and doing stuff with them would be so much easier now that they weren't really little anymore.
I felt like it was unlikely I would ever find someone else again.
I was 43 when Steve died. I have been "on my own" most of my life from the age of 14 so I can handle all that comes with being by myself.
I'm certainly more unsure of the future because I'm older this time on my own and I am a sole parent to a young child again. Because we had Madi later in life, we were already in a group all our own, our friends had kids in college and the people with children Madi's age appeared to be teenagers! (I'm sure they are adults, however, the older I get the younger everyone else appears! When did they change the driving age to 12? And shouldn't you be able to see over the dashboard, at least??)
Not sure about dating again-we will see, because I am a more experienced parent, the thought of bringing a person in Madi's life scares me to death. However, my sister (who is also my office mate) fully expects Mr. Wonderful to walk in my life because after all I'm a wonderful person. Sure wish I had the same confidence in myself that she sees in me!
Interesting post Jill, I will have to ponder this a bit.
Thanks for listening-I am so grateful for this site and everyone here
I was 24 when I lost my husband of 1.5 years in 2008. The year following I attended (stupidly) 8 wedding and 4 baby showers. It just shows you where everyone else was in their lives-starting their new happy marriages. I truly only have about 3 friends from that time period who have stuck with me, one whom is fading off. Nearly every single person who became married and invited me to their weddings those first years barely talks to me or acknowledges my existence. No one wants to be jaded by the gal who lost her husband at 24 years of age.
Let's not even go into how much of a crowd-killer it was to bring up that I am a widow. I don't care anymore, but that first year was HORRIBLE. 24 year old widows didn't exist in my book. Blarg.