A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
I am new here and something is wrong with me. It has been over 2 years and I still can not believe this could have ever happened. This has to be a terrible bad dream or an illness I will wake from. Mike was never sick a day in his life, he was bigger than life and my whole life for as long as I can remember. I have been to counselors and ministers and everywhere for help. I can not accept this, am I the only one like this. I want him back so bad. Thanks, Phyllis
Phyllis there is nothing wrong with you. Although it has only been four months for me I can sympathize and empathize. Every one takes a different amount of time to grief. No one goes through this at the same rate. However everyone here has gone through it or is going through it. We are all in the same boat. The people here are very friendly, understanding, and have open arms and are warm hearted. If you haven't already, join the chat. We talk about anything and everything. Also in August there is going to be a get together in San Diego. If I can afford I might go. I have never been, but I hear people have a really good time. Meeting other widowed people might help. Don't despair, you have found the right place with the right people.
Hi Phyllis, Sorry for your loss. I lost my husband Sal to cancer 2yrs 3months ago. we were married 35yrs and hes been a part of my life since I was 15yrs old. Just needed to respond to your post and let you know that you are definitely not the only one who feels this way and of course you are not crazy. I just returned home from a bereavement group I attend, and asked the exact question. Why am I still unable to get rid of this gut wrenching pain?? this hurt, this insanity. Why does this "never end". After listening to others who had a more recent loss, i realized that some things do end. The enormous amount of paperwork we have to handle in the beginning, our financial decisions become a little more clearer, we even learn how to weave out the negative and not so understanding people in our lives. We begin to trust our own judgements, and become proud of how much we accomplished so far. But the one thing that does not end is the "missing him". That never goes away, ever. And thats ok, because the reason we grieve so much is because we loved them so much. I have been able to survive this through the help of the wonderful and understanding people who come to this site everyday. I hope visiting us and listening to us will help you move through your journey of grief and your destination of peace, a little easier. Sending you hugs and love. Gina
this happens to me too phyllis. almost 2 years out and i still catch myself saying, "no, this didn't just happen. he can't be just gone."
Phyllis - I do not think there is anything wrong with you. I don't know how your husband died, but it sounds like it was sudden and unexpected (mine was the same, woke up and he had died in his sleep in our bed). I think sometimes the trauma of it all may haunt us. I know I'm trying to work through that. I hope that coming here gives you hope and light. I know the people here have truly saved me. Sending you HUGS.
I am only six months out, but the advice I most appreciated from someone was that "I should grieve, how I grieve." If I want to cry, cry. If I want to scream, scream. If I want to eat, sleep, go out, or even say "I cant believe this happened" over and over again, do it.
There is nothing wrong with you. I often wake up and ask myself, "Did this really happen, Is he really gone?" And I dont feel bad about it because no one who has not been here can understand what it feels like to go through this. It sounds like your husband, like mine, died suddenly. But even if he didn't, the shock is very real and you just need to "grieve like you grieve" - whatever that means for you. WHATEVER that means.
Hi Phyllis...there is NOTHING wrong with you. My Michael died suddenly without any warning 4 years and 7 months ago...I still can't believe it. I too am seeing a therapist and am in a grief support group. I hate it - he was the love of my life also...I use that phrase all the time because it's true. I don't understant the "why" of it and no one else here does either. I hate it...
Luvofmylife, I love the name. My email address is kenzmiluv. I don't think that what you're experiencing is less than normal for one who has lost the love of their life. I read an article by Patrick Swayze's wife at the therapists office a few weeks ago. She was expressing the same feelings and experiences as you, and it has been two years for her as well. We're blessed to have had them but lost without them. I have no intention of leaving my Ken behind. I think I'm finding ways to drag him along with me because I can't fathom life without him.