A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
I was pre-registering for my mammo this morning and she asked about updating next of kin info and I said that he had died. That was it for me. I cried through the whole Insurance info, etc. , info and for an hour after that. I decided after that that I would not put myself in that situation again, like when I walked into Wells Fargo and fell apart. Today someone asked me what happened to my husband and I said "he left me" this was someone I don't know well, who always sees me with the hubby, noticied I'm still wearing the rings etc. Oh , well, it worked for me today. No outburst. Whatever works for me right now.
Ugh. I've (and my son has) been in and out of doctors since we lost Rod, between my panic attacks, his stomach ailments, our combined sadness and need for therapy...and every. single. time. we go to one of our multiple doctors, since the loss, we have been asked to verify emergency contact. And i panic, every. single. time. Because my husband was always, obviously, emergency contact. Now who???? Randy's real father has NEVER been there for him, no, my "new" husband was his REAL dad. And now he's gone. So .... who to put for Randy's emergency contact??? For me....my parents live 2 hours south, and who wants to put a parent, anyway, like I'm 12 years old for Pete's sake?? (Sorry, didn't mean to go off on my own tangent on your blog, but....) I'm just wondering...who DID you put??????
For me, who to put, wasn't a problem. My Brother lives half an hour away. It's just saying "well he died"
it kills me. Has your son gotten any counselling? I lost my stepdaughter in 2009 and her daughter was
then 11. Jess has really done well and I think the counselling really helped. How old is Randy?
He turned 12 last week. He did go to counseling twice a month for the first 8 months, and we did groups through Hospice and his school. He is doing better, his grades are finally back up and he is sleeping in his own room again. it's a tremendous relief for me, I was so worried about him. It's so hard to see the kids suffer!
I put Mike's sister down as mine. She lives close by and I trust her in case of emergencies. Had to redo mine at my last doctor's appointment. They were like, "Is Michael still your emergency contact?" "No, he died." Stung a little, but it's getting a little easier, too, somehow.
When I changed my health insurance at my job, I filled out the forms and sent them to payroll. I got a copy back with the words "husband dead" hand written on the top. I called the person and expressed how insensitive that was, but I doubt that it sunk in. It's just one more "in your face" reminder that he's dead and it sucks!
I cant say the D word either. I even breakdown when I say passed away or lost, and lost kinda sounds weird anyway. I know where he is. I would have never to say that. You are right, whatever works for you is good. So good for you that you thought to say it. I wish you peace and healing.