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Take care of YOU and your BOYS! In-laws will either deal with it or they won't. You cannot let others' take over your life. I wish you all the best.
Thank you for your comment . Its not just my in-laws, my mother and sister are still speaking to me but are not happy with me , at all. But I figure its my life, not sure how my decisions effect them so strongly. I think my in-laws will never forgive me....and that is fine, they never thought I was good enough for Mac anyways. They want my boys to come and visit though and I would like that too, I am worried that they will speak badly of me to my boys and ask lots of questions. So I am not sure how to handle them visiting relatives. I wish everyone would just mind their own business and let me deal with my grief in my own way. By no means am I over my husband. Jeff has helped me to smile again and not dwell on the sadness, and I love him for that. My boys like having a man in their lives again too. They tell me how fun Jeff is and that they feel at home with him. It makes me so happy that they want to share our world with him.
Marly , thank you again. I will keep my head held high and remember Macs words to me. :)
I'm so sorry for your loss, samnben. I'm wondering if you've talked to a counselor about any of this. Not to solve the issue with your in-laws, but to know how best to handle things with your boys and the emotions they may have about all of this.
Your in-laws are grieving the sudden loss of their son ... they would probably have a difficult time with you getting involved with someone regardless of the amount of time that has passed. They need to be angry at someone and they've targeted their anger at you. It could pass in time, or not, but I would advise you to try to keep them in your boys' lives if at all possible ... for the boys' sake. They've lost their dad - they shouldn't have to lose their grandparents, too.
I'm guessing your mom and sister may just be concerned about you and your boys. I'll admit my 'red flags' jumped out when you said you met Jeff on Craig's List. Have they met him, gotten to know him? Perhaps they just need some time to get comfortable that you and your boys are in a safe relationship.
If I had followed my family's advice I would not have had 41 wonderful years with my amazing husband. None of them approved (different reasons than yours) and my oldest sister even disowned me because I was embarrassing our family. In my situation, everything worked out beautifully in time. I hope yours does, too.
Well that's a big difference in my opinion. Grandparents are one thing, siblings quite another. If they are unable to be supportive then I can understand your discomfort in letting your boys visit them and what they might say to them.
Sounds like you've got things under better control than I originally gave you credit for (I'm sorry about that). Having someone be totally committed to you and your boys at this time is a real blessing. I'll bet your mom and sister come around soon. I wish you well.
My first in-laws never really accepted me as family, (we'd been married for 18 years). So when I remarried 6 years after their sons death they had virtually nothing to do with me or our 3 children. They did however, turn up to my 2nd husbands funeral last month and have shown their support for me. I'm now dealing with a 2nd set of In-laws who want me to mourn properly, phoning to remind me how many days it's been...
I've learned that I just need to get on with my life and not worry too much about what others around me think. I was unbelievably lonely after my first husband died. Only those who have been through this can possibly have any idea. I too met my 2nd husband online, and I am so glad I did. We had an amazing 6 years together and he was so full of life and love. And being the eternal optomist that I am I'm sure I'll upset everyone around me again...as I feel I am too young at 51 to be on my own for the rest of my life. I enjoy the companionship and passion of a truly committed relationship too much to rule it out of my life...even facing the possibility of being a widow yet again. We all have to die sometime, why be scared to live?
DAMN RIGHT 51 is too young to be alone. Hell I think 75 is too young, lol.
what is life, without love?
I found my soul mate in Craig... I am only 27, I sure hope to hell I will find another love. I am definitely in search of a life mate now... and I really do not care how my in-laws take it---however, I do think they will eventually understand, but I can understand how it would feel for them too, ya know. It's such a tricky situation we're dealing with.
chez2all, you sound so amazing! :)
anything getting better samnben?
I enjoy the companionship and passion of a truly committed relationship too much to rule it out of my life...even facing the possibility of being a widow yet again. We all have to die sometime, why be scared to live? .....
****Very well put!!****
Congrats on finding love again!