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I found love again....but everyone is so angry about it. Help !!!!
He survived 45 days from the time he entered the hospital, and I was lucky enough that the hospital let me live there the whole 45 days. Our boys said goodbye 4 weeks before he passed, alond with our two adult children. The doctors initially only gave him days to live, but he promised the boys he was fighting it and coming home. Before dying he told me he wanted me , in front of my mom and sister, to be happy and to find a nice man that would treat the kids and I right and love us. I told him no , but he insisted if I didn't , he would send someone to me.
The first two months I stayed in my room, with a loaded gun crying non-stop. I talked to Mac everyday and told him I could not bare to be without him. I said I would wait until my birthday in Nov. before ending my life, unless somehow I could see the sunshine in this world again. My husband and I always had the perfect relationship, we would do anything for each other, never fought, appreciated one another and never went to bed upset.
My life was so terrible after he died, but since has done a major turn around. One day I came out of my room , turned on the computer and looked on Craigslist under single men. Never had I even thought that I would stoop so low as to find a man there or have any luck finding one, but I was lonely for someone to talk to. One ad stood out. He was nothing like my husband physically, this man had a six pack, was tall like me ( Im 6'1" ), but this mans ad said things that reminded me of Mac.
I responded to his ad and he wrote back. We then talked on the phone, and a week later we met on Memorial Day. I know it sounds crazy but for me I feel for him on the phone before meeting him. Now we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend and we are talking about him moving in by the end of the year. Mac's family has gotten wind of my relationship and all hell has broken loose. They say I am disrespecting their family , etc. All my children know their father wanted me to find someone asap, so they are fine with my new guy Jeff. The lil guys and I spent the past three days at Jeff's and met his family. Everyone loves everyone.
Maybe it is too soon for some people to except that I can be happy, and I a sorry to hurt anyone. But life is SHORT, and I want to wake up smiling everyday again , and play with my boys, and feel loved. So that is my story. If anyone has advice , please send it. I am learning as I go
Tags: dating
Views: 190
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Marly on
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Take care of YOU and your BOYS! In-laws will either deal with it or they won't. You cannot let others' take over your life. I wish you all the best.
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Permalink Reply by Samnben2 on -
Thank you for your comment . Its not just my in-laws, my mother and sister are still speaking to me but are not happy with me , at all. But I figure its my life, not sure how my decisions effect them so strongly. I think my in-laws will never forgive me....and that is fine, they never thought I was good enough for Mac anyways. They want my boys to come and visit though and I would like that too, I am worried that they will speak badly of me to my boys and ask lots of questions. So I am not sure how to handle them visiting relatives. I wish everyone would just mind their own business and let me deal with my grief in my own way. By no means am I over my husband. Jeff has helped me to smile again and not dwell on the sadness, and I love him for that. My boys like having a man in their lives again too. They tell me how fun Jeff is and that they feel at home with him. It makes me so happy that they want to share our world with him.
Marly , thank you again. I will keep my head held high and remember Macs words to me. :)
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Permalink Reply by Dianne in Nevada on -
I'm so sorry for your loss, samnben. I'm wondering if you've talked to a counselor about any of this. Not to solve the issue with your in-laws, but to know how best to handle things with your boys and the emotions they may have about all of this.
Your in-laws are grieving the sudden loss of their son ... they would probably have a difficult time with you getting involved with someone regardless of the amount of time that has passed. They need to be angry at someone and they've targeted their anger at you. It could pass in time, or not, but I would advise you to try to keep them in your boys' lives if at all possible ... for the boys' sake. They've lost their dad - they shouldn't have to lose their grandparents, too.
I'm guessing your mom and sister may just be concerned about you and your boys. I'll admit my 'red flags' jumped out when you said you met Jeff on Craig's List. Have they met him, gotten to know him? Perhaps they just need some time to get comfortable that you and your boys are in a safe relationship.
If I had followed my family's advice I would not have had 41 wonderful years with my amazing husband. None of them approved (different reasons than yours) and my oldest sister even disowned me because I was embarrassing our family. In my situation, everything worked out beautifully in time. I hope yours does, too.
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Permalink Reply by Samnben2 on
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Thanks for your advice. Both my husbands parents have passed, it is his 2 sisters and brother I am dealing with. We do have a family counselor and he said unless the boys start showing signs that they need a counselor, not to open a bag of worms. I did get a second opinion on this and was told the same thing twice. As far as meeting Jeff on CL, nobody knows that except him & I and this site. My family thinks I met him through a friend. My mother and sister are not ready to meet Jeff yet, and I understand. My mom is starting to come around , because she sees that we spend every weekend with Jeff and I don't think she wants to be left out of the picture. Jeff only had is ad on CL for a couple of days and he is totally committed to my boys and I. The ad has since been removed and we are both working on spending the next half of our lives together.
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Permalink Reply by Dianne in Nevada on
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Well that's a big difference in my opinion. Grandparents are one thing, siblings quite another. If they are unable to be supportive then I can understand your discomfort in letting your boys visit them and what they might say to them.
Sounds like you've got things under better control than I originally gave you credit for (I'm sorry about that). Having someone be totally committed to you and your boys at this time is a real blessing. I'll bet your mom and sister come around soon. I wish you well.
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Permalink Reply by Samnben2 on
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Thanks Diane ! :) My mom was so nice this morning on the phone. I guess all Mac's siblings called her after seeing our pictures on facebook, telling her they are "pissed ". Although I think they should have used the word "hurt" , and their reaction to the hurt is to be mad. Seriously they all thought I married my husband for his money ( he didn't have any ) and never really tried to befriend me...they all , lets say , put up with me. We bonded in the hospital, as they visited every day the last 2 weeks. And then after Macs death they invited us over a couple times and were nice. But it wouldn't matter if I met Jeff a year from now they would think I am replacing Mac and be angry about it. So it is no huge loss for me or my boys if they chose to hate me, but I do want them in my sons lives. ( as long as they are respectful of me and my life ) Thank you for wishing me well. I am so thankful that my husband was laid off for a 8 months before he passed and that we had 45 days to say our goodbyes. We were the fortunate ones. I tell my boys all the time that we could have lost him in an accident and not been able to say goodbye. I have always tried to see the silver lining in everything and will continue to live my life that way. Someone always has it worse, so be thankful for what you can :)
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Permalink Reply by chez2all on -
My first in-laws never really accepted me as family, (we'd been married for 18 years). So when I remarried 6 years after their sons death they had virtually nothing to do with me or our 3 children. They did however, turn up to my 2nd husbands funeral last month and have shown their support for me. I'm now dealing with a 2nd set of In-laws who want me to mourn properly, phoning to remind me how many days it's been...
I've learned that I just need to get on with my life and not worry too much about what others around me think. I was unbelievably lonely after my first husband died. Only those who have been through this can possibly have any idea. I too met my 2nd husband online, and I am so glad I did. We had an amazing 6 years together and he was so full of life and love. And being the eternal optomist that I am I'm sure I'll upset everyone around me again...as I feel I am too young at 51 to be on my own for the rest of my life. I enjoy the companionship and passion of a truly committed relationship too much to rule it out of my life...even facing the possibility of being a widow yet again. We all have to die sometime, why be scared to live?
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Permalink Reply by smit09 on -
DAMN RIGHT 51 is too young to be alone. Hell I think 75 is too young, lol.
what is life, without love?
I found my soul mate in Craig... I am only 27, I sure hope to hell I will find another love. I am definitely in search of a life mate now... and I really do not care how my in-laws take it---however, I do think they will eventually understand, but I can understand how it would feel for them too, ya know. It's such a tricky situation we're dealing with.
chez2all, you sound so amazing! :)
cheers
anything getting better samnben?
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