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I'm so lost.i don't know how to be happy anymore.i have no direction and no desire.I made pete my world.i just cant find a reason anymore for trying orsurviving.whats it all about.

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I am so sorry for your loss.  How long has it been since your loss?

a year,i thought it would get easier with time .it isn't happenning

Do you have children/grandchildren/hobbies/job?

no i don't,i have a son but haven't seen him for 10 years ,he does not like me and blames me a lot for the way his life is.i have 3 grandchildren but because of the relationship with my son I don't see them either.very work now I spent a lot of my time being carer for pete .I'm fine today yesterday was a bad day.than you for replying to my question.i just have to keep getting and and getting on with it. thanks again.

Sorry to hear you're estranged from your family, just when you need them now.  

You need to keep your friends close.and I'm sure your Pete wouldn't want you to suffer so much and feel so lonely.  It's the one thing that helps me at the moment, knowing that Brian would not want me to be too downbeat.  He enjoyed life. 

One day at a time and keep your mind open to new experiences.


A year is not long. There is no timeline on grief.

I know in my first year, half of it was numb and I couldn't think clearly at all.

I'm now in my 4th year and there are more good days than bad.

Hugs to you.

I have to agree with Susan. Most people are still grieving at one year. You need to be patient with yourself. It takes as long as it will, and until you work through it completely, you will probably have days when you feel hopeless and other days that you may feel some optimism. If you read through some of the posts on this site, you will see many here are at different stages of grief. Time seems to be the only thing that really eases the pain and helps us to see more clearly and find a way forward. Sharing your feelings whether it be here or in a group setting helps also, it helps us to feel not so alone!

I also agree wth WithoutJim when she suggests to keep posting. We can all relate to one another whether our loss is recent or if it has been a number of years, so we all understand. Hoping you soon find your peace.

So sorry for your loss. It has been 4 years for me. I have 4 sons and 2 have left the state with my grandchildren. My husband was self employed and I kept business running first 3 years and was going to split with the 3 sons who were involved. Resentment, anger and jealousy has destroyed are relationship, when in reality I owe them nothing. Feel since my husband is gone my family falling apart so I know the feeling of being alone and lost well. You are still grieving at one year and will always miss your husband and believe stress compounds grief. Just try to live the best you can day to  day and take care of your needs first. Judy

I wonder if I will ever be "happy".  After Doug died my mother-in-law said to me. "You won't be happy for 20 years, sorry to tell you that".  Here spouse died about 25 years ago.

I just fill my time, I mow the lawn, take care of my yard, do my part time job, try to make new friends at a local "meetup group" just for widows/widowers.  My pets are the most important part of life.

Each day I do the fake until it's real thing.  Pretend I am happy, sometimes I kind of am.  Sometimes I get lucky when I am out & actually get to have a nice conversation with someone. For me that is a treat, as I have no children, & what I do have for a family is basically just acquaintances.  

I am use to doing things on my own as Doug & I had no common interests, he curled & golfed I did road trips and went antiquing with my little dog.  So that part has stayed the same I just have 4 pets now so I am not alone.  When I travel I take my pets.

I was 4 years May 21.  It is better, the volume has turned down on the grief & despair, but life still sucks & not enjoyable.

I am told God has a purpose, I'm 53 years old now, it would be good to know is.  My grandmothers died at 100. I don't want the last 50 years of my life to be alone.

Hi Imogene, thanks for posting because I can so relate. I am feeling a little better after reading your post. Like you, I don't have any children and haven't spoken to my family in years. I too feel lucky when I'm out and actually get to have a nice conversation with someone. It's a treat for me as well! It lifts my spirits and for just a few moments in time I feel normal and not so alone in this world. I also have been doing the fake it till I make it motto. Some days I'm successful and most I am not, but at least I try. I have 2 dogs that I call kids and don't think I would be here if it wasn't for them. They were the only reason why I had to get out of bed at all after my husband passed away in November. I am retired so I don't get any human contact unless I go run errands or catch my neighbor out in the yard. My husband was my whole world and best friend. I miss him severely. I too just recently thought about my grandmother who lived to be 94 and all I could do was pray to the good Lord that he won't make me have to live that long. I am 45 years old, my husband was 65 when he passed. I had had a hard life up until I met my husband. I describe myself as being a Christmas tree that has been cut down, but yet I still live. I was broken when my husband came along and like Humpty Dumpty my husband, with a lot of love, put me back together again, so when he died it shattered me into pieces, lost and lonely. I don't know what Gods plan is either, but I sure would like to know!

I had a similar situation, Frank and I were everything to each other. (No kids together). So much love. After he died, I decided to try and take all the love I couldn't give him anymore, and send it out into the world. The world needs a lot of love. I sponsor three kids in an orphanage in Tanzania and I volunteer at a food shelf that keeps me busy 3 afternoons a week. It gets me out with people too. It has really saved me. I hope you can find something to live for and find some happiness again.

There are so, so many variables to grief, I've learned. You have to be very careful with what you say because it gets taken wrong and then you feel worse, Desare. We had no kids either. No family. So now it's just me at 51. When I try to explain how it is to be in a situation in which you don't have kids pulling at you, or parents to take care of, or other obligations to take your mind off your grief, people think I'm saying that I'm worse off than others. That is not it at all. I'm just trying to say that when there are no other obligations to take you away, you fall into yourself and your grief. You relive every moment that you spent with the person and your heart breaks over and over and over again. You no longer enjoy the taste of your favorite dessert. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. You have moments at work or at some point during your day in which you smile or laugh and then express surprise inwardly that you were laughing. Then a short while later, you cry at the guilt of having had a light moment when this terrible thing has happened.

I have no interest in getting involved with anyone else. I have no interest in taking up hobbies that I was never interested in before. We were homebodies that outfitted our place with all of the things we like. That is a curse now that I have to live with. Friends who used to offer support have long moved on from this tragedy. I'm not blaming them for doing that. I don't expect their days to be filled with pining for him to be back among us. What hurts terribly is reaching out for an ear and being ignored because people are tired of watching you be sad. That is not friendship in my book. I learned that support and outreach from friends-- even those that knew you for many years-- does indeed have an expiration date.

It was just a year and half ago that this happened to me. I have been going through a very hard time. It takes every ounce of my being to get up and go to work in the morning and when I come home, I lay on the couch and cry. I cry myself to sleep at night, wake up the next day and repeat the cycle. Some weeks are not as bad as this one. July is full of memories: our anniversary of dating and our wedding, his birthday. Maybe that is what triggered it. I don't know.

Whatever it is. I'm just lost and sad. I'm functioning on a daily basis and don't feel the need to seek help because no one can take away the sad, nor do I want them to try to help me force away the sad. When it goes, it goes. And if it never does, I'm fine with that too.

So sorry for your loss.


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