Last year was the first Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays without my best friend, my soulmate. He always made the holidays so much fun. Usually our house was the place where everyone gathered. But we just couldn't do it last year. We kept everything very low key. My daughter and I went out for Thanksgiving dinner and we were fortunate to be able to take a Christmas cruise for five days. This year I went to Florida for Thanksgiving and visited with my oldest son and his children who I had not seen since the funeral services. Again we kept it very lowkey. This Christmas I am going on another cruise. I don't know if we ever will go back to the big family/friend gatherings we used to host. I think its one of those things where you have to follow your heart. I didn't even put up any decorations this year. I did last year but my heart just wasn't in it this year. Maybe.....next year. Take care. Do what you feel you can handle.
Thank you. There are times when I feel I can't do anything at all. I do get out of bed, dressed, brush hair and teeth, eat something, and make my bed every day. So I guess that's something.
The holidays are so hard. Even after 5 years, I tear up so easily, listening to holiday music, etc.
It has been 14 months almost since I lost Dan. I think of him every day. Somehow I got through last winter and the long summer and here it is winter again. I decorated because I have had 2 women's groups meet at my home but we are taking a 3 week break. And my 4 year old granddaughter will visit overnight this weekend and my brother will come for 2 days at Christmas so I won't be alone. But it is hitting me so hard again. The long, long cold evenings. The house that once was a family home and is so quiet and lonely now. I have been crying the past few days and really had gotten past the tears for the most part until now again. I want to continue to declutter the house and have made a first pass but lots more to do. But I don't feel like doing it. So much has needed replacing and repairing this year. I have the life insurance money so have been taking care of things but I need to really live within a budget here soon. I need a new vehicle. I am nervous about it. The local dealer keeps putting me off as to the one I want. A dealer about 70 miles away has what I want. I am afraid of being taken advantage of, being a woman alone. I don't know. I think the holidays are hardest but then the long January evening will be coming and all that. I do not sleep in the master bedroom; I just can't. Lots of people live alone. Lots of people are widowed or divorced. But, golly, I never expected it to be so hard. So little to look forward to. I knew what my life was about when I was a wife and mom. Now what?
I feel as if you have completely described my life now. I too moved out of the master bedroom. My husband passed unexpectedly in July and by October I moved rooms I couldn't stand the constant reminder he is gone.
I too have been decluttering but have taken a break. Every time I get rid of something I feel as if I am throwing him away.
I have a bit of insurance money as well but will soon need to decide make repairs here and try to find a way to stay or count it a loss and move and hope I can sell it as is and get enough to pay off the mortgage.
I not only cry daily I cry several times a day. I never thought I would be here. I never thought this would be my life.
Alma you took the words right out of my mouth. I cannot believe this is my life! i really really cant. I cant accept it. I don't understand. It feels like a nightmare, so surreal. My husband unexpectedly passed 7/10/19. I have small children, and was pregnant when he passed. Thats bring a whole slew of other emotions, but they do keep me busy and somewhat fill the house with noise.....but his absence is deafening. I feel incomplete, broken, exposed & vulnerable....I have to decide whether to sell or if I can keep our family home, which will mean schlepping our kids into the city on my 2 hour commute each way to work.....This is terrible. I tell people who haven't been through this that however you think it feels, it is far far FAR worse. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. And the worst thing is what do you do about it? The pain just doesn't go away. I can distract myself sometimes but it's always there. I'm praying for you. That you find strength and clarity of mind, and with time, peace. Hugs and kisses
Thank you so much. I didn't know pain like this existed. Praying for you, your children and your family.
It's been a year and one month for me since my husband Doug passed away. The sorrow my entire body feels is in one word relentless.
Hugs to everyone who needs one today
14 months for me. Think of Dan every day. Still not really comfortable with the aloneness and all that. Last week I went to a new dentist. He remarked that he had known Dan and my eyes teared up. This past fall a long time dear friend of mine passed away after only being diagnosed with brain cancer for 3 months. Her husband is a wreck. I no longer live near but have been trying to comfort him. Today I spoke with another new widow. I think it takes someone who knows this pain and grief to truly be able to give comfort to others who come to this situation.
So far I am keeping up with things at the house and property but I wonder when things will begin to suffer when I don't get to everything that needs attention. I dread summer and all the lawn care which I hate and my husband enjoyed. I won't plant a garden this year or maybe not ever again but my daughter-in-law has a great one. I see that son and my little granddaughter at least weekly and have the 4 year old overnight a couple of times a month. The family close by is a help. Still, the evenings are long. I have busy things every day but no companionship as I had in 4 decades of marriage. Never went back to sleeping in the master bedroom.