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If I had one hour to talk to my wife I would tell her how much I love her! How she changed my life for the better. I would tell her it was an honor to care for her, to be with her, and if I could have taken her cancer, I would have done so without hesitation.

I would apologize for my attitude when she chose to bring in her two grandsons for 9 months, that I know how much she loved them and it was her love for others that made me fall in love with her the first night we met.

I would thank her for helping me be a better person, forget gender, just a better person, because she taught me so much in the short years we were married.

I would tell her I miss the nights in bed and all of a sudden it would shake because that is when her GI system was talking! (Okay I'll say it...farted!)

I would tell her "Thank you for taking a risk. Thank you for marrying me July 12th 2012 and making my life so rich for 4 years."

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Wow.  That really makes me think, which is a good thing.  I've been doing pretty well in the 9.5 months since Ron died. I think I've always kept an eye on the horizon; he was 15 years older and was diagnosed 10 years ago with polycythemia, which we knew could turn into leukemia.  Sometimes I feel guilty at how well I've gone on with my life even though I know he would have wanted it.  I'd want to talk to him about that and tell him what's going on with our family and friends- the little things I want to tell him and then I realize he's not here.  I always treasured his common sense and I miss it.  I'd want to tell him again that I love him and that if I'd known that last day that he was only hours away from death I would have climbed into the hospital bed and hugged him till his soul left his body.  I did read from the Book of Common Prayer but then I went out and wrote his obituary.  I think he'd understand. 

If I had an hour to talk to my husband, I would tell him how much I love him. I would thank him for showing me true love.

I would tell him that I will always honor our wedding vows and the promises that I made to him. I would let him know that I neither need nor want another person to share my life; I believe each person has only one soulmate and he is mine. I'm not okay with it, because I'd rather have him here with me, but I'd rather be alone than be with anyone else.

I would tell him I miss the silliness and endless laughter. 

I would remind him that I'm his forever and that I'll miss him until my end of days. 

And I'd tell him that I'll never laugh like a hyena. (Which was an inside joke and part of my wedding vows to him.)


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