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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


"Hi Michelle, how are you?"

Is it just me, or is this a dumb question to ask a
eight week old widow?

Got it in an e-mail this morning and I really don't have the
wherewithal to answer.

Do you have a standard reply that you use? Is it
different when the question is asked in person, in
a phone call, in an e-mail?

I'd have an easier time answering in person or in
a phone call. I think I'll just reply to the e-mail
with, "It's too complicated to address in an e-mail."


I had a tough night last night, so no doubt my "grief

"hangover" is coloring my mood. So glad I have you all

to bounce this off of. Thanks for being here...


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English is just  a language of words. In times of real trouble, words are often inadequate.  Sometimes a hug, or a shrug of the shoulders, or some other physical gesture is more expressive and says more than words.  I would rather someone takes my hand, or hugs me or pats my back or in some physical way communicates rather than using words.  

I am guilty of this as well, and yet, I feel I should know better.

I have found that listening, without saying a word, eye contact, being there is the most effective.

When I have been hurting, what has helped me is having a person be silent as I suffer. Words don't help. That being said, one time, a person responded, "Damn, that sucks!"

Refreshing because it was real.

reply to soulmate:

Maybe you're right.  That exactly expresses my view: "Damn, that sucks!"  Maybe the crappy words that wouldn't be used in a "feel better" card says what we are feeling better than pretty words.


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