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Idk if it's healthy for unhealthy for me to keep all his items right where he left them... It's only been a little over 3 months and I still have his razor and deoderant by the sink, and I've washed all his clothes except 2 shirts I keep in a bag so I can still smell him.. i still have 2 pairs of pants in my laundry hamper because I can't bare the thought of washing all his clothes for the last time... His body wash and bath sponge are still in my shower too.. I'm just not sure if its hurting me more or if it's normal to harbor these things for a while longer?

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I hear you Athena and laurajay.  I took the plunge and got Life Alert for my 61st birthday present to myself. I still have to get it hooked up, but it's not a pendant but the alarms is worn like a wrist watch. I am filling out the medical paperwork today to send back to them, and then get the system hooked up when I get home from work tonight. It's too scary to be completely alone- the dogs don't seem to be able to call 911! My sister will be coming back up from Palm Springs in 3 weeks, so I won't be alone then, but she goes back down to the SF bay area every few weeks. I know it seems like getting a life alert system seems 'little old lady' but it's my way of self care. I know my Rick would have approved.



laurajay, I know this won't last forever.  My husband Ron was 15 years older so I saw him slow down over the years.  I also saw it in my parents, of course.  Both were early adapters of an active, healthy lifestyle but age took its toll. Mom is dead now and Dad is 87.  He takes a walk every day but sure isn't what he was at age 65.

I hope I can accept it gracefully when my body starts placing more limitations on me.

I kept the kids - that always makes me laugh ...

I also keep on display many of my mother's belongings as well as Bob's grandmothers ...

There is normalcy in keeping a loved one's items including those not ready to part with ...   :-)

I haven't moved barely anything and it has been about 8 months.  His toothbrush, deodorant, etc. is all where he left it.  I washed his clothes and hung them back up, put his shoes in the closet.  My husband was a bit messy and just picking stuff up and putting the stuff away is hard. It is strange to think the stuff I put away will never be out again.  No more piles of his stuff landing on the counter, kitchen table, coffee tables, etc. I left a lot messy for a bit, but then I did start to pick up and put away a few things, but only to put them where they belonged not to get rid of.  I haven't been able to "get rid" of anything.  I feel I need to respect his stuff, yet I really don't know what to do with it all and in a respectful way.  Just like many have said earlier, as long as holding on to anything doesn't affect my health.

Seems to be more input from the widows than the widowers on moving/keeping the departed spouses "stuff". (To be expected; there are more of you than there are of us.)  For my part, after Mickey died I knew I didn't want to bounce around alone in a 4-bedroom, two-story house, so the "clearing" began early on with the aim of selling the house and moving.  Took about 6 months; what the family did not want or I did not need went to a nearby donation center.  Many trips to Costco for empty boxes and many trips to the donation center; they probably got to know me well there.  But I was able to close on the house at the end of the 6th month.  Funny, when we first got married it was "strange" to see feminine clothes in our closet.  Now it seems "strange" to see the absence of them. 


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