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Is the second year really worse?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by CrazyWidow on -
YES. Sorry, just seemed to simple to answer it that way. I didn't expect it, but it was in so many odd ways.
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Permalink Reply by cleodoggie on -
As soon as I hit the second year I heard the second year is the worst. From people I never expected to hear that from. I am almost to the second year date of his death in April and I can tell you the second year is not any harder than the first. I kept expecting these terrible things to happen but they didn't. As far as reality goes the second year was coming to grips with the fact that he really was gone. No more of the fantasies of the first year.One thing though that the second year brings is people expecting you to be completely over your grief so you just get better at hiding it. No one really understands until they have been there.
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Permalink Reply by CrazyWidow on
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Mine took me off guard. I thought first year was bad, but I didn't realize that I still wasn't living in reality. Second year, you realize your life really isn't coming back. I'm nearly 2.5 years out and just climbing out of that 2nd year marker. It was tough. It IS tough.
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Permalink Reply by kismet on
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I think having to hide grief is a big part of why the second year can be so hard.
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Permalink Reply by queensgirl on -
I faced the second year in Nov 10. Since my husband died a week before thanksgiving, the holidays brought it all back last year. I think that will be hard for the rest of my life. He loved christmas and decorating and family visiting. People will never understand unless they face the same thing. I lost my sister to pancreatic cancer 18mos after my husbands death. My brother-in-law said to me. "I feel so guilty, I should have been there more for you, I should have driven Peg to see you more often". I keep busy and will always be greatful for the love I had, my children, the grandchildren he never got to see or hold, and for my life of 43 years with him.. Some people never have any of that. People can expect you to be completely over someone, but something will always trigger a memory, whether a song, picture, something you prepared for dinner that was his favorite. Memories are what keep them with us.
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Permalink Reply by Susieg on -
Yes, I think it was (is). I was feeling pretty good last year and then in the summer depression set in worse than before. I think I am resolving that I will be alone and have to move from my house in a few years...closer to town, not so much work, etc. I need to lose weight for health, have no ambition to do so. OK financially but not rich. Will I live long enough to use the money? Should I travel (alone) or save it for old age? Not a lot to look forward to, really. I hate it.
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VOLUNTEERPermalink Reply by Supa Dupa Fresh on -
Oh Susie, I'm sorry. Building a new life is very, very hard work. The picture you describe is not one that would motivate me (if it were me) to change things. What other tools could you bring in to help you find a more compelling vision of what's next? What else do you love? You talked about travelling with friends... did those contacts fizzle? I know we can find others... I'll PM you, too.
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Permalink Reply by CrazyWidow on
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I agree with Supa - it's so difficult to make those first steps into a new life in which you can find happiness. I hope you can take one step, and just go from there!
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Permalink Reply by Maya, GEM's kyttn on -
Susie, I'm very much in the same boat. It is so hard to find motivation to do the things to keep healthy and lengthen my stay on this earth, even though I've got two young-adult children and a grandchild do any day. I want to travel too, but not alone, but don't see getting close enough to anyone to travel with them. I know there are good reasons for taking care of oneself and to keep moving forward, but sometimes those reasons just aren't good enough to make a difference. If you find the motivation and a way to get past this stumbling block, let me know? In the meantime, *hugs*
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Permalink Reply by Susieg on
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If I find that way of getting past the block, I will let you know...then I will patent it and sell it!!!!! ((((HUGS)))))
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Permalink Reply by leslie b on -
I think it is just different. I think reality sets in and you just realize that this is your life. Sometimes that's really hard to take. It will be three years for me in June and some days I feel like it was yesterday. However, other days I am doing really well. I think this is a long, tedious journey that none of us chose. We do owe it to ourselves to work hard to find some peace and happiness. Don't ask me how to do that however. One foot in front of the other, I guess.
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Permalink Reply by cleodoggie on
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Actually I look at it this way. Every day that I live is one day closer to being with him again. Of course I don't dwell on that fact but it is true. I get through every day with God's help because I stumble alot along the way. Only now am I starting to look at other men. Another man would be nice but he will never be my Jim....I just hate being so lonely.
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