Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Oh how I wish I'd have known....

Without ever having lost a person close to me before Jerry I wish I'd have known then what I know now.  PHOTOS!  Today google sent me a collection of what I was doing on this day four years ago.  I was so excited, to see what Jerry and I were up too.  Imagine the look on my face when instead of seeing pictures of Jerry's smiling happy face, I took pictures of what was going on around us.  Why?  What was I thinking?  

Thank goodness, it was a fabulous day and a wonderful concert.  He often went back to saying it was one of the best he's ever been too.  I still remember it like it was yesterday.  We did have the best of times!  I just wish I'd have had the good sense to capture HIM and US and ME!  Not one selfie!  I'm really disappointed but lesson learned right?  

Hopefully, I'll get up some gumption and schedule a photo shoot with myself, my kids, and my parents.  So, I'll have some really nice photos to have and to share.

Views: 143

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Not sure how crazy this might sound, but I regret not keeping a lock of his hair.  Having a portrait taken is a great gift for children and grandchildren.  Now I don’t mean like a Christmas gift but something very special.  I have thought of that too even though I hate pictures of me!

I

Oh Callie2!  Me too, me too.  I knew I wanted a lock of Jerry's hair before the coroner even came to get him.  I just couldn't will myself to let go of his hand long enough to find the scissors and cut it.  At the funeral home, I didn't know how his daughter would feel about it so I didn't speak up when the director asked if there was anything they could do for us.  I could just kick myself for that!!  Not that we've talked about it but, I now realize she wouldn't have cared.  She would be glad for me to have whatever comfort I could find.  Anyway,  if you're crazy so am I.    

That's a very human urge.  The Victorians made elaborate braided designs out of the hair of their deceased loved ones, and put them under glass, mostly in brooches and rings. 

I wish I'd talked more to Ron about how he was feeling physically.  I know he wasn't in great pain but I also know he was weakening and just feeling generally crappy- he didn't eat much and was down to skin and bones.  He wasn't a complainer, especially when it was something that couldn't really be remedied anyway, and I appreciated that, but it would have helped me understand what he was going through.

I watched yesterday's episode of Dr. Oz's segment on scientific proof of the afterlife - the "soul". It reaffirmed my beliefs before & after Bob's death of the existence of the "soul" as well as premonitions of the deaths of 2 relatives including him & the telepathic message I received from Bob at the time of his death in a car collision miles from me. They have continued to bring an opportunity to strengthen my faith by seeking out available information that continued to be my greatest support during & after my grief journey into life today. They were a regret in not seeking more information from my loved ones, however I came to the realization they have always been the path to the growth of my beliefs despite doubts &/or ridicule from others. What they have meant to me is far greater than what others want to believe are true experiences, however I have witnessed the look in the eyes as if they have heard similar experiences. I provided them an opportunity in sharing my stories to further seek out answers to their own questions, ignorance, doubts &/or fears of ridicule. Who knows - sometime in their lives, they might receive another opportunity that will prompt them into enlightenment which is the same direction as the grieving soul. Our higher power/God brings us what we can cope with in our life cycle - the ability to find its meaning. It takes willingness to expand our true self beyond our comfort zone. It is more fulfilling & goes beyond keeping busy, instilling a positive attitude every waking moment, helping others, socializing, etc. We can accept the path of healing in the grief process & other life experiences by understanding their benefits or distract from them or simply ignore the prompts ...

Grief wakes us to personal exploration rather than providing instant answers. It can be a wealth of information - preparation/growing into one's new life, if applied ...

Many blessings ...

Bob had been balding since the age of 21. Hair would've had to come from his armpit or leg. Every time I looked at a mourning brooch on Ebay, I had to giggle ...

A portrait is a great idea! Make certain to remind yoursef its a gift you are doing it for them so you'll feel excited & have a big happy smile thoughout the photo shoot. We had a Christmas family portrait taken 6 months after Bob's death - it wasn't a good idea - the obvious signs of grief were in everyone's eyes. No matter how many pictures were taken, at least 1 of us 6 could not even fake a smile ...

Consider keeping all pictures loose, handy & available for viewing as well as providing the history behind the photo either verbally or notes the back. As my family learned when my Mother died, a grandchild can make an entire photo album disappear. I've found if there's particular interest, I will give my kids &/or granddaughter whatever the item is at that point in time. I use to worry they wounldn't take care of it till I realized their grief had been as deep & personal as my own ...

When he was in the hospital the last time, he kept seeing people standing at the foot of his bed. I wish I had asked him more about them. I dismissed it as optical illusions or delusions.

Barb, right before my Mother had her aneurysm, she claimed my Father and another man came to see her. My parents were divorced many years and my Dad had passed away a couple years before. Now I could say that it probably was beginning to leak (in her brain) because she suffered some mild dementia which they could not figure out at the time. But she insisted, he was there even though I told her it wasn’t possible. I thought of her medications too, but she described it in a somewhat comical way. Asking him “What are you doing here? Then she said to them after a while, “sit here as long as you want but I’m going to bed.”

She had an appointment with I think a neurologist.(I took her) I told him she was seeing things and he tested her awareness. She was fine. He asked me then how I could be so certain what she says wasn’t true. I thought that was a strange remark but it got me thinking.

Just curious, did he mention any of their names? Wondering if these people are still living?

There are doctors, nurses & psychologists who have written books on their experience w/people near death - check them out, they're informative as well as quite interesting ...

no, he didn't identify them.

RSS

© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service