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Is this crazy
Just thinking today while in the dentsist chair, its been 27 months since my wife passed away, and I still have all her clothes hanging where they were. I havent moved anything that was hers in they drawers I know some people get rid of everthing right away, and even move to a new location. I think about this sometimes, but my house is full of some good and some sad memories.So I dont know whats going to happen.Anyone have simular feeligs?
Views: 350
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by jean on -
Crazy? No. Everyone deals with this in their own time frame. Don't beat yourself up, baby steps Jerry. I am finally ready to tackle it. It isn't going to be easy, I know this, but I have to go through this fire too or I'll never get 'there'. and I want 'there' more then anything right now. Good luck Jerry.
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Permalink Reply by Braunie on -
Not crazy at all. Everyone is different. I still have all my husband's things except for a car I couldn't maintain and it's been over 14 months. It would probably remain indefinitely except that I have to move.
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Permalink Reply by Cathy on -
Take your time, no matter what others might tell you. I purged bit by bit, got rid of the clothes that he rarely wore, but I still have favorite flannel shirts hanging in our closet after 2+ years. They belong there, on his side. May just keep some of those forever. I will probably down size houses someday, and will clear out more stuff, but for now, it's no big deal to leave things as they are. I do know of folks who have cleared everything out quickly after a death, but I'm going to drag it out, and do it when it feels right. Hope you decide what is best for you, that's all that matters.
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Permalink Reply by Jerry on
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Thanks for all your replies. I see that you all are saying the same thing as the therapist I have been going to. He basicaly tells me as long as what you do causes no one any harm, then its ok, and not to care what anyone thinks about what your doing.
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Permalink Reply by celestia (Suzanne) on -
your therapist is a wise person...
There were things I packed up and stored at my home. Like, I felt it was appropriate and healthy to not be seeing certain things out in the open every day, but I still wasn't ready to truly part with them. I would get the boxes out and go through the stuff and I just knew when it felt right to give his things away. It helped that most of what he had I gave to people who loved him. It made it easier to part with.
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Permalink Reply by Ace on -
Another thought to add here regarding "stuff". Yup all say same - it is up to what is right for you.
My kids were young 8 & 10. Both boys. I feel like if I get rid of everything they will not have them as clues regarding what their dad was like. If it was a problem and I had a need to move I would take photos of EVERYTHING for them to have references. Since there is no pressure to get rid of stuff. Now that they are older we can go through it together and make decisions what to let go of. My littlest one truly got tons of comfort from wearing shirts and jackets and winter socks. But everyone's situation is different. No right way. (hugs) strength to anyone visiting this challenge at this time
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Permalink Reply by kl on -
jerry 1 day at a time...i look at mitches rings,,,,and things . I dont think you have feelings that i dont have,, feel like am looseing her again,,,but she would rather see somebody useing her cloths ,,than not as she was a second hand shopper,,,,a little at a time.. my daughters help me with this also,, kl
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Permalink Reply by twinsmum on -
All in your own good time. It's not hurting anyone so don't woryy.
I only just went through our wardrobe about 6 weeks ago and it just turned 2 years for me. I threw most out but kept anything to do with ALL Blacks Rugby and the QLD Bronco's - this stuff will go to the boys although most of it will be too big as my husband was a big boy.
Also have just started dating and it felt right for me to do now.
cheekily - I must admit my wardrobe looks great now with so much room for my clothes :)
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Permalink Reply by WidowerMDK on
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My wife has been gone for three months and I haven't touched anything of hers, everything is still in the same place, it took me two and a half months to throw away the container of cottage cheese she had been eating just before she died. I can not bring myself to go through any of her things, and there is no way I could throw it out. Maybe someday in the future but not now. They were her things, a part of her, I can't give that up.
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This sounds like some of the thoughts I have . When cooking I will use one of the spices in tha cabinet and think that is something my wife had bought before she got sick.
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Permalink Reply by Dianne in Nevada on -
I've thought seriously that I was going to get at this several times during the past 19 months ... and yet Vern's things are still in the closet and all throughout the house. I figure they aren't bothering anyone, so what does it hurt? I'll get to it one day. Just like I did his Mustang. It sat out there for months, the battery died, neighbors stopped by to ask if I wanted to sell it (no). And then one day it just felt right, I was ready, so I called AAA to get it started and took it in for an oil change, etc., and have been driving it ever since. I feel his presence every single time I drive it - especially when I put the top down.
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Hey good for you Dianne and thanks for your feedback. I just feel like I'd be getting rid of part of her if I started throwing things out or giving her things away.
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