A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Just thinking today while in the dentsist chair, its been 27 months since my wife passed away, and I still have all her clothes hanging where they were. I havent moved anything that was hers in they drawers I know some people get rid of everthing right away, and even move to a new location. I think about this sometimes, but my house is full of some good and some sad memories.So I dont know whats going to happen.Anyone have simular feeligs?
I emptied out Rod's closet about 6 months after losing him. my own was overflowing and I actually had a purse fall off a shelf and cut my eye....I NEEDED the space. BUT I did not throw anything away, it is all in storage tubs in the garage. I could not just get rid of it. Also, some of his things are still in the house...his wallet is still on the nightstand, his boots are still by the door. maybe someday I will move them....maybe not. There is no timeline, no guidebook, it's all just when you feel ready, Jerry. Don't rush yourself. (((hugs)))
I will be hitting my one year on May 14th and I still have almost everything of my husbands. I gave the boys a few things and I wear most of his t-shirts to sleep in. I wear his nice dicky shirts to do my yard work, all of his blue jeans I had made into a queen size quilt I just love curling up under this past winter with a big fire in the fireplace and would read a book. One thing I have found that when I do give something away it's only been to family members. I can't stand the thought of running into some else in town wearing something that was his. I've had many people want some of the stuff out of his garage or his woodworking room, I've told them all no. They have the nerve to ask what I'm going to do with it. I just tell them if I needed that spot for something it may be different but I don't so everything stays where it belongs.
My husband passed away 8 months and I moved some of his possessions a couple days ago.....only because we are renovating. I felt guilty at first but then realized it had to be done. I did not want his possession damaged by fresh paint etc.
I'm with you. It's been 9 months for me and I have not touched any of my husband's clothes yet. My Grief Counselor thinks a little different from yours. He has even suggested that I hire someone to help me with it but I can not do it yet. My husband liked very fine clothing and owned a lot of it and I really can't see these clothes at the Salvation Army. I think when I'm ready I will know the right way to handle them -- I know they are just THINGS, but they are his things and I guess I have an attachment to them for now. I don't know how long it will take but I don't see why I should do anything before I'm ready. Do what feels right to you Jerry, you'll know when you are ready to deal with it. Hugs! Connie
I had the experience of an acquaintance and then my daughter trying to help me go through my husband's things, a couple of months after he died, but it definitely didn't work. I had to stop them - they didn't get why I was crying over things that belonged to him; many that he owned even before I knew him. I believe no one else can do this part for you - in the end, I had to go through all of the stuff alone, before I sold our house. Those were some of the most painful hours I have spent since he died. I was one of the ones who felt I had to get out of our home quickly - in 5 months I was out, the house was sold, and I drove across country to move around some family. We had been living in Utah for only 3 1/2 yrs. at the time for his job - I couldn't face the winter there by myself, and it was so painful to be in that house. But I took all of our shared treasures with me, and I'm surrounded by them now. I don't regret that decision - even though most advice says to wait before making a move. That house to me became the place where the cop came to my door to tell me my husband was dead. The place would never be anything good to me again. Good luck to you and all who are struggling with the "stuff"...
Your post really hit home with me! My husband died 8 months ago and I just want to move. We have lived here for 10 years but this house has now become the place where my husband died in our bed.
Same here, Ann. My therapist had me redecorate and rearrange the bedroom, and that helped a little. (((hugs)))
The week after my husband died I had a surge of energy and was still in shock from it all that I was in robot mode..I gave all his clothes and things to Vietnam Veterans...he would of loved that. Its been almost six months since he passed and while cleaning out the rest of the house I still have things of his here..burned all the work papers he had..but I did keep a dress shirt I wear for a nightshirt. I also still and will always have his pictures here and there around the house and his veterans flag on mantle. My friends husband passed a year ago and she still hadnt got his stuff out of the house..Its different for everyone..whatever you are comforable doing..do.
Roseann, it sounds like we are cut from the same cloth, with regard to this issue. I have my husband's pictures in places that I usually display family pictures and in my bedroom - and they will always be there. I also have all of his military memorabilia up in his office and it will stay there, as well. He was a retired Navy Officer and those things represent a big portion of our lives together and have great meaning to me, just as they did to him - also, they just look nice. Wishing you all the best. L.