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Here's a spot where you can post your special July remembrances - wedding anniversaries, birthdays, anniversaries of your loss, children's weddings, etc. - and discuss the plans you have to get through those potentially hard days. 

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Today is the sixth anniversary of my husband's death. This morning my children and I shared funny family memories. I think he would be very proud of us. I miss and love him.
I lost my husband, best friend, and soul mate in January to cancer. He loved the 4th of July. It was his favorite holiday. I had a good day yesterday on the 4th. I knew Mark would want me to enjoy the day, so I took my son and we went to a friends party and watched a fireworks show. I had fun catching up with friends that I've been feeling kinda isolated from since the whole widow thing happened. My son had a blast playing with the other kids and even shot his first Roman candle with the help of one of the guys in our group. Mark would be so proud! Then I got home and couldn't do anything. Just cried. Wrote in my journal ( which is just letters to Mark. Every entry starts out with Hey Babe!) about how weird the day was without him, and laid in bed awake forever just thinking about everything that happened the past couple of years with Mark getting diagnosed with cancer 9 months after our son was born and then not having much response from chemo and passing 10 months after diagnosis. I can't wrap my head around how unfair life is. Been depressed today and don't know how to get out of this funk. I think I tried too hard to have fun.
My birthday is this month and seven months with him gone. In the short time we were together, (5 years total, 1 married) Ron made my birthdays very meaningful. The alone time was my favorite. His birthday is in August. Im taking that day off from
Work because I know I'll be a mess.
My first anniversary without her was yesterday. It was much harder than I thought it would be. Went to the gravesite and put some flowers and a flag. I'm glad my sister came to stay with me for a few days.

July I have found is not a kind month for me. So many memories leading up to Sandy's passing on the the 21st. Last year at this time we were finishing up a week at the beach. It was fun times as usual and Sandy's 2nd favorite place next to entertaining and enjoying her pool. I am grateful we were able to spend that time together one last time however still wish we would have been able to have had many more trips to the beach in the future. I have replayed this week in my mind as the week progressed one of the best memories is of us sitting on the beach on the 4th watching fireworks. In a little over a week this time last year on the 17th Sandy would suffer a ruptured brain aneurysm and have emergency brain surgery. Although the surgery was successful in stopping the bleed they were unable to control her brain swelling and she passed 4 days later. Sandy's sister told me today my niece (7 yrs old) said very excitedly Sandy came to her in a dream and said "she is dead on earth but very alive in another place" and that she was smiling and laughing with her. Someday I hope to join her in that other place aka heaven so that I can laugh and smile again alongside her.

Steve, your niece's vision is beautiful. I am so glad they shared this with you.

July 26 it will be two years since we committed Frank's ashes to the sea. Things have not gotten much easier. I do get through every day though.

With me on the boat were my sister, his sister, and two of his 4 grown kids and their families. Lately I have realized that my sister is the only family member I have that I can count on. His sister was good for the first year and a half but lately the last couple of times we talked, it was me calling her.

 His kids (not mine BTW) are friendly enough if I contact them (well, 3 out of 4) but otherwise I rarely hear from them. It gets tiring always being the one to suggest getting together. And I wonder if they really want me in their life or are just being nice. I realize I am never going to have the kind of relationship I would like, being a "real" grandma to the little ones. I will always be just that lady who visits once or twice a year and brings presents.

July 2 was our wedding anniversary - would have been 22. July 4 was his birthday - he would have been 65.

I got thru the week pretty well. We had a surprise birthday party for my oldest sister on the 4th. I was so busy helping plan it, I didn't focus on him till later.

I had a few spells of crying but really was feeling ok. I miss him a lot but I'm really trying to like this new life.

I'm OK.

Within 4 weeks, it's been Rick's birth date, Father's Day, the loss of our dog and next Saturday, the 15 th it will be a full year without Rick at my side.  I was having more good days then bad but haven't been able to get beyond just ok for the past month. I've been going out solo for the past few months listening to live music and that's been helping. I've been very proud of myself for going to this events solo, it's very much out of my comfort zone. The days leading up the firsts have been rougher for me so I took Thursday and Friday off of work this week and I plan on hunkering in.  I plan on rereading all the cards that I got last year, going through pictures, watching the movie The Shack and giving into the grief.  I hope that once I get through Sat, the good days will out number the bad again. 

Today is my birthday. Ron always made my day special in the short time we were together (5 years together, 1 married). I cherish the memories, but this is my first birthday alone without him. I'm off from work, having lunch with a girlfriend and then dinner with my parents and Grandmother. All of these firsts are so hard - next month is his 35th birthday. I'll be having a small group of friends over to honor Ron, but what I wouldnt give for another hug, another kiss, another conversation where he tells me he loves me. To all of us suffering, we are stronger and we will get through somehow.

What a beautiful picture of you and Ron. I'm so sorry I missed wishing you a Happy Birthday on Friday ... a big birthday hug is coming when I see you at our next meet. I'm so happy you're coming to San Diego for Camp Widow; you will make some wonderful young widow connections there. See you soon.

It's been almost 6 months since my world changed. July 11th he would have been 57. Birthdays and holidays at times would be treated like any other day and other times we would celebrate with family and friends. As those who love and live with a first responder would understand - your schedule revolves around duty days. Even dealing with cancer treatments, your celebrations revolved around a schedule - so no change there, it's just the way it was. We loved to travel and July has typically been a month that we were off to somewhere. This year's trip was bittersweet since it was my first without him by my side. I was so close to backing out and not going - it was a place that had been on our bucket list forever. The friends we always traveled with were there and I had his sister with me - so I managed to push thru. It was a good trip but the 'joy' just wasn't there.

This time last year we were in Europe and had a wonderful time. I guess that trip of a lifetime, since we had no way of knowing it would be our last together. To better understand, we always tried to 'get away' to somewhere - even if it was a weekend road trip with sandwiches and drinks packed in a cooler to save money. I know this is my new norm and that life does goes on, but it sure doesn't make it any easier and as everyone else on here knows, I'd give everything to have another day with my sweetie.


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