July...a very meannngful month for me. I lost John Nov. 10, 2016. July 24 would have been his 75th birthday. Also July 20 would have been our 43rd anniversary. I do not know how I am going to react to these two "first without" occasions but I am hoping for joy. Joy for the fact that John had 74 good years and we were blessed to have shared 45 of those together.
July I have found is not a kind month for me. So many memories leading up to Sandy's passing on the the 21st. Last year at this time we were finishing up a week at the beach. It was fun times as usual and Sandy's 2nd favorite place next to entertaining and enjoying her pool. I am grateful we were able to spend that time together one last time however still wish we would have been able to have had many more trips to the beach in the future. I have replayed this week in my mind as the week progressed one of the best memories is of us sitting on the beach on the 4th watching fireworks. In a little over a week this time last year on the 17th Sandy would suffer a ruptured brain aneurysm and have emergency brain surgery. Although the surgery was successful in stopping the bleed they were unable to control her brain swelling and she passed 4 days later. Sandy's sister told me today my niece (7 yrs old) said very excitedly Sandy came to her in a dream and said "she is dead on earth but very alive in another place" and that she was smiling and laughing with her. Someday I hope to join her in that other place aka heaven so that I can laugh and smile again alongside her.
Steve, your niece's vision is beautiful. I am so glad they shared this with you.
July 26 it will be two years since we committed Frank's ashes to the sea. Things have not gotten much easier. I do get through every day though.
With me on the boat were my sister, his sister, and two of his 4 grown kids and their families. Lately I have realized that my sister is the only family member I have that I can count on. His sister was good for the first year and a half but lately the last couple of times we talked, it was me calling her.
His kids (not mine BTW) are friendly enough if I contact them (well, 3 out of 4) but otherwise I rarely hear from them. It gets tiring always being the one to suggest getting together. And I wonder if they really want me in their life or are just being nice. I realize I am never going to have the kind of relationship I would like, being a "real" grandma to the little ones. I will always be just that lady who visits once or twice a year and brings presents.
July 2 was our wedding anniversary - would have been 22. July 4 was his birthday - he would have been 65.
I got thru the week pretty well. We had a surprise birthday party for my oldest sister on the 4th. I was so busy helping plan it, I didn't focus on him till later.
I had a few spells of crying but really was feeling ok. I miss him a lot but I'm really trying to like this new life.
Within 4 weeks, it's been Rick's birth date, Father's Day, the loss of our dog and next Saturday, the 15 th it will be a full year without Rick at my side. I was having more good days then bad but haven't been able to get beyond just ok for the past month. I've been going out solo for the past few months listening to live music and that's been helping. I've been very proud of myself for going to this events solo, it's very much out of my comfort zone. The days leading up the firsts have been rougher for me so I took Thursday and Friday off of work this week and I plan on hunkering in. I plan on rereading all the cards that I got last year, going through pictures, watching the movie The Shack and giving into the grief. I hope that once I get through Sat, the good days will out number the bad again.
Happy birthday! Sounds like you are filling your day with some happiness. It will feel different but you can still celebrate yourself and honor your husband and your memories at the same time. I am sure he would want that. Yesterday was my 43rd anniversary...first one without John. And Monday the 24th would have been his 75th birthday. Last night, just by happenstance, one of our favorite jazz bands was playing at the local outdoor mall. I went and listened "with him" as I know he would have loved to be there. My older son who lives local brought my granddaughter to help me honor John's memory. Not sure what I will do on his birthday. Maybe get a DQ Blizzard..his favorite treat!