Mt first birthday without my husband of 37 years and my best friend is July 25. I will be 60! Such a big number and such a big loss. My sweetie passed 12/12/14 after a brief illness.
I have been dreading it - but decided to take the bull by the horns and invite people to my house. I have a teenage daughter and 2 adult sons living at home. I invited 2 of my closest friends with their husbands and my siblings for dinner. I hope to laugh and enjoy life. I will work to do it and not be a victim to sadness.
All of my life - my dear husband planned out really nice birthday celebrations. I feel bad that i took it so for granted and even criticized things at times. Now its time for me to do my life different. I really dont know how - but just put one foot in front of the other.
Yvonne, that's what I did for my 60th. I planned it totally. I invited my three siblings for a winter weekend (mine is in Feb). They came for both Fri and Sat nights, we skied, we ate, we laughed, looked at old family slides, and it was wonderful. I am so glad I took the bull by the horns. Now I have a good memory of my 60th. Have a good one, too!
Thanks so much Susan. Its taking all of my mental energy to stay in a positive frame for tomorrow. I'm so glad that your 60th turned out well and fun. I have a positive expectation that mine will as well. I am blessed with 3 wonderful children, 2 great siblings, terrific friends, a beautiful house and thank G-d, my health. I will keep working to keep my focus on that- and know that my husband wants us to be happy.
I remember well my 1st birthday w/o my husband. He died on 7-28-13, my birthday was 9-29. A grade school girlfriend and I were planning to go to Marco Island to visit another girlfriend from high school. While Jay was so very sick, actually the night before he died, as we were leaving the ER for him to come home to die, he said "I won't be here for your birthday, please take your trip, it will be my gift to you." Well, although I really did NOT want to go, the kids urged me to. I went, it was so difficult to do. My girlfriend's husband and she planned a little surprise. So while we were all out, he left early, went to their condo, made dinner, they had a cake, candles, sang to me, gave me beautiful cards. A very emotional time for me, yet, I am so glad that I went. As my 59th is rapidly approaching, I have not yet figured out what I will do.
I am proud of you and your courage to "take the bull by the horns". I have found that when we do just that, blessings come. For I believe that it is in those times of courage, you will begin to see that you can conquer your circumstances, coming out on the other side victorious. Embrace your day tomorrow, grant yourself the gift of riding whatever emotional wave comes your way, bask in the love of your children, friends, laughter and loving memories of your late hubby. I believe he will be watching you, smiling at your strength, beaming with pride at how far you have come. The universe itself will honor you as you embrace the BIG 6 0.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
Terri - Your words brought me to tears- but good tears - . THANK YOU.
Thanks for your encouragement and saying you are proud of me. It means alot to read those words.
Also - the thought of my husband watching us and smiling - gives me a warm feeling... and he beaming with pride... Its so surreal sometimes - and i feel today like i'm walking in a dream. I will re read your post to keep me positive - if i slip into sadness. Thank you again.
BTW- i dont know if i could have been as brave as you about going away 2 months after. The fact that he encouraged you to go before he passed and your kids encouraged you too - speaks to how wonderful the family you have is. I am in awe of you going- and proud of you as well.
I'm sure you will figure out something wonderful for your 59th. Have a wonderful day and thanks for the birthday wishes. Today's my last day to be in the 50s..:( LOL. Be well, Yvonne
It's going to be a tough couple of days.
My first wife Jean's 58th Birthday is today, hard to believe all the events she has missed since she passed away on January 30, 1999. Three high graduations, two marriages and the 4 grand kids. I was blessed to have had such a wonderful wife, we were college sweethearts, married at 22, parents at 24. Even though I went on to marry another widower, Jean always had a piece of my heart that would always belong to her. Rather than sitting home and feeling sorry for myself, going out to see a Heart concert tonight, provided the weather doesn't get in the way.
I had the great blessing of marrying another wonderful women, Carolyn who was also a widower. It was such a blessing to marry someone “who got it", who understood that you were always going to miss your first spouse. No matter how happy the day was, high graduation, a marriage, a child birthday, birth of a grandchild, etc. there was always going to be a little sadness because of the one who was not there. She understood the sadness I felt on my first wife's birthday or our anniversary. We comforted each other on our “Sad Days”. Our first spouses passed away only 6 days apart, we met on-line, met in person at a young widowers group in Virginia Beach, dated for a few months and were married on July 29.2000. We had 14 wonderful years together, visited many wonderful places and had so many memories that I will keep in my heart until the day I die. Carolyn passed away from melanoma on October 7, 2014. She was a teacher and loved helping young people. I'm going out to my Church tomorrow to help out in our summer community outreach program. That's what Carolyn would have doing if she was here, helping others.
Peace and love to all.
Steve, I cannot imagine going through it all twice! People say "brave" like it is a badge of honor, when instead it is just putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward with life, doing what must be done. I admire that you are reaching out to help others. I know in my head that it what I need to do, but I haven't gotten my feet to obey - yet. My husband of 40 years died July 13, 2014. I am still "adjusting." I know I will get there eventually and I know being around other people will help me. Keep on keepin' on! And God be with you.
Thanks Lizabet. For me, very often it is"Having faith to take the first step without seeing the whole stair case". You will get there, I sense that you are a strong person. May God be with you as well.