This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I'm not getting angry (thank goodness), and during whatever stressful event, I'm fine. As soon as it's over though I go on full out anxiety mode and I can't calm back down. For example, today around 1:30 my son's school called and said he had fallen on the playground and might need stitches. I made arrangements, left my school, drove and picked him up. By the time I got there, bleeding had stopped, butterfly bandage was on and he was fine. We could've probably gone and gotten one stitch or the glue stuff, but didn't. The whole time I'm fine. We get home and my heart is racing and I can feel the tension in my body. I'm not doing what ifs, there's just too much adrenaline. My body is reacting like we are in the ER or having a real crisis. The kitchen is way cleaner though lol. Is this normal? 

Views: 88

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Yes.  After  major  loss  we  go  into alert  mode  almost  automatically  never  knowing  what  might  happen  next but  believing  we need  to be  ready  just  in  case...I don't  think  we plan  this.  At  seven  years  and living alone  I  must  deal  with  things  good  and  bad  constantly  but  without the  support  or input  I  need  from my spouse  I'm  able  most  often  to  make  it  through with  almost  a  pseudo strength  only  to  kind of  collapse  after  the  crisis  peeks. Can't  stay  there  long  because  the  alert  kicks in  again as if  my  survival  depends  on  it. (  Which  it  does.)  I  won't  elaborate but   I  believe  reactions  are  heightened after  major  loss. Dealing with  it  is  another  topic  altogether.    Glad  your  son  is  OK    btw.  

(((Hugs Justme))),
Its okay to be angry. Anxiety attacks are caused by fear of the unknown. When I went into full blown rage, the attacks stopped. I was motivated as well as determined to heal myself - I had found my goal & purpose for living. Of course, it took me to the depths of hell, but I was no longer afraid or helpless. Emotions teach us something whether it is to sit in a holding pattern for a period of time for processing grief as well as come up with ways to move forward. Rage hit me by surprise, however, it was to be expected from my husband's death by a roadrage driver ...
My safe place was at home where I could convalesce as well as release my pent up emotions in private. The world was still rotating on its axis when I emerged from my cocoon. I learned a great many coping skills from the dark emotions I had experienced ...
Life is more than just surviving, its learning to be human ...

Take care of yourself ...

Totally normal. I've been there. My whole system responds to any surprises now as though, you know...DEATH. I'm primed for the worse. It's calmed down a bit for me as time goes on, so there's that. Like you, I'm usually capable of handling whatever the situation itself is. I also usually lose it afterwards- but then that has been my pattern since before Skip's death, only it's worse now. Kitchen scrubbing is a time-honored stress relief technique! Good for you, for finding something productive to do. Generally, physically or mentally demanding things help re-set emotionally, because they don't leave us time to ruminate.


© 2020   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service