So, I have to admit, this isn't something I thought I'd be dealing with. I foolishly thought, well, I'm not quite your "average" widowed person- though I know now that such a thing doesn't really exist.
But my partner was like no one else. We were closest to each other, our relationship was most like spouses. There are a million small things, ways he looked at me and touched me, little in-jokes, our private language, that I miss terribly. That space in my life isn't designed for anyone or anything else. No amount of friends or lovers keeps me from feeling lonely. I spend part of most evenings talking to his picture. And I spend chunks of my times with others talking about him or about grief. Others are good to me, but I'm not first with them. Not their top priority. It doesn't help that I'm struggling to find a roommate. It's just so lonely coming home to an empty house.
I started taking art Classes at the university here, all classes are free to those over 62. so you can get BS Masters or phd for free. The kids are great. The hardest thing for me to deal with has been the loss of my husband's family. His family is huge and was so important to me. I miss them terribly but after 6 years most won't return phone calls. I would love to be included in graduations, birthdays etc. have always been generous. I really miss these people, and it is in some ways harder than the loss of my husband as they have made a choice to leave me out. Strangely enough they are the reason I have not dated. After 6 years they are more important to me than any future relationship.
Well, I just have to take it one day at a time. And somehow I get through the day. But it's like tomorrow I was to meet someone out of town and it fell through and I think what am I going to do for that whole day tomorrow. And the loneliness just overwhelms me. And I wondered how I would get through the summer and summer is almost gone and now I wonder how all get through the fall; we have so many leaves and there's so much yardwork! I don't like yardwork. I have not enjoyed our antiquated sprinkler system and trying to keep this lawn alive. My husband enjoyed doing that for some reason I miss him.
Tomorrow it will be 10 months. I still do not know how/what I will do with the rest of my life. I am sorry for the times when my husband was out of the The house and I had some time to myself and relished it. What I wouldn't give to have him here and not have time to myself. It used to bug me that he would watch TV in the evening and eat garbage and drink scotch. And now I look over at his chair it's almost like I could see him there reaching for his scotch eating his snack. But he's not there.
I like my house. It is a unique and lovely property. But a lot to keep up on the outside. I think about moving. And I might keep my eye out as time goes on if I could find some other cute smaller home with a smaller yard. And less memories. This house was a family home and now it is just me and my dog I never lived alone in my whole life. I'm not sure I like it much. But this is what I have to deal with just like most here. But able to write this helps me. This way I don't have to complain verbally to friends or family. Thank you for being there all of you.
I'm sorry for your loss. I am 8 months widowed. My husband Doug was my person, my best friend. Lonliness is starting to set in as the numbness wears off. I started taking hot yoga classes twice a week. Relives the stress temporarily for me.
I too have no clue where my life will go, it's too much to think about. I'm still struggling with a huge dose of daily sadness and crying.
I know I have to find something other than work, I just feel like I am in slow motion
Love and healing to everyone on these boards
I am very sorry for your loss and to all in this club than no one wanted to join. Grief has no time frame and we all grieve differently and at our own pace. The only word of advice I have is to go easy on yourself this journey can be very difficult in the early stages. It will ease in time and although it never truly goes away, for me I have learned to live with it. At twelve years out I am in a good place yet still pop in here for a visit.
I have been in a few relationships none have felt quite right so I choose to remain single.
You will eventually find your compass when you are ready and the loneliness will ease.
Love and light to all.
This has been my biggest lasting struggle. I just miss him. We were very close too. I’ve been getting out and working but I hate not having him, MY person. It’s weird to go somewhere and not have anyone to care if you made it or to get home and he’s not there. My husband died in January 2018.
Yeah, I just realized reading this that I'm maybe over-invested in knowing where my roommate is and having them know where I am. That's...probably a "partner" thing, not a normal roommate thing, huh?
Melissa I would do the same thing if I had a roommate.
ChaWi, I feel the exact same way. It's such an empty feeling