losing my beloved husband

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by juliefx on June 13, 2011 at 5:55am

well its 10 weeks today,since my beloved micky passed away,nothing has changed still feel empty,alone and crying for my love.The pain so intense not one day has gone by where i dont think of him,was with our family yeasterday as you do put a smile on your face and really cant wait to get home so i could cry my eyes out,not sleeping well.I have read all the lovely messages that you all sent and my heart goes out to you all,as you all know how painful this is.sending you all lots of love and peace to you all xxxx

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Permalink Reply by Dawn- Clouds Mum on June 13, 2011 at 6:57am

Hi Julie,

10 weeks is so very raw still and that empty feeling is something that I identify with. It will be 6 months for me on the 20th, and I am not sure how I will go that day. Monday's are hard for me, but they are getting better now. There has not been a day where I do not think of Keith even now, though I now find that I smile more at the memories and the tears are less. The pain is still there, but more managable, most of the time. Tears still come, but not as often.

All I can do is send you (((HUGS))) and let you know that I am thinking of you.

Dawn

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Permalink Reply by jrclowery on June 13, 2011 at 2:14pm

Julie-

I lost my husband 4 years ago (5/26/07). It's doesn't seem like it's been that long!  I remember feeling so much like you do those first few months. I was drowning in my pain and there were times where it hurt so much I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and I would have to gasp for air!  The pain can be so gut-wrenching and soul-tearing that it really does make it difficult to breathe!  Now, 4 years later, I still have occasional moments like that (had one just last night), but they're not as painful and as you can see I have made it this far!  You never get over the loss of your beloved, you just learn to live and deal with it better. It does get easier- you just need to take it moment by moment, then it will be minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day until it becomes week by week, month by month and eventually year by year. And in this process you will have many times where you will go back to that moment by moment, just breathe and go with it, the pain will ease and you will get through it.  The hardest thing for me has been that people are so reluctant to talk about Mike- BUT I DO!  I talk about him ALL the time, to my kids (now 12 and almost 15), to my friends, my family- everyone. It helps me keep him alive when we share memories of him. Yes there are tears because we all miss him so much, but I won't let people act like he didn't exist because they are uncomfortable or afraid of my reaction!  When people asked me what they could do for me in those early days I always asked them to share their memories of him or talk about experiences they had with him. It's taken his mom 4 years, but this year on his birthday (5/17 - we always have dinner together like we did when he was alive) we were able to laugh and get through the night with no tears! And belonging to groups like this help so much! I used to read and post on the Widows Wear Stilettos site- I spent HOURS on there because I felt so CONNECTED and UNDERSTOOD by the people who belonged to this terrible club called WIDOWHOOD that we had no choice about joining.  So I hope that you will continue to write and share with us so that we can help you get through these rough times. Sending you lots of hugs, strength and positive thoughts!

 

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Permalink Reply by Lisa (lost) Lamb on June 15, 2011 at 2:09pm

First off I am so sorry for your pain and the loss of Micky. When I read all of the post I see all of my own words. I never would of guessed so many people could feel the same way that I do about my husband. He also was my life and I feel like I don't have one without him. I lost so much of who I was when he was sick and the only thing I seem to be doing is what he did. We did most stuff together but we did have our own hobbies also. Now I have no intrest in mine only his.I can't figer it all out and maybe someday I will but if thats what it takes for me to feel close to him  I will gladly do that the rest of my days. I prayed so hard for God to cut my life short and give KC those days or years I just couldn't make it happen. Now I pray for it to be short so I can be with him again. I know thats not right or healthy but it is the truth. I would do anything just for more time with him.

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Permalink Reply by juliefx on June 15, 2011 at 2:33pm

lisa everything you have said is just how i feel.i dont have a life without my micky,i have also asked for my life to be cut short so i can be with him.My heart is broke the emptyness, the house so quite,looking at all micky clothes,fishing stuff and hes beloved dog who also misses him.I talk away to him in hope i just get a little something to let me know he is ok.Lisa i am so sorry for your loss you are not on your own,i am here any time you want to talk,our loved ones have left the biggest gap in our lifes that no one will ever fill.I send all my love and lots of hugs god bless

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Permalink Reply by juliefx on June 15, 2011 at 2:37pm

thank you jrclowery i just find life so hard without my micky,he was everything to me,i just dont know how i am going to carry on without him.All my family have been great but i dont think they understand how i feel inside,lots of hugs and god bless

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Permalink Reply by jrclowery on June 15, 2011 at 3:28pm

I say have made it this far and I still am going on with a life without Mike. But I do have to tell you that although I don't wish my life to be cut short I honestly would be okay if I died today, and that doesn't mean I am suicidal- I would NEVER do that to my family- I have a friend whose ex-husband did that and 3 years later they are still in a terrible place. Suicide is a very selfish act. I know I'm supposed to have all these things to look forward to- kids graduations, their marriages, grand kids, etc. But I'm not excited at those prospects- I don't feel joy when I think of the future. I feel bad for my children that I think this way, but it's the truth. What I do look forward to is them becoming adults so that if something were to happen to me they will be okay and I know they will be because they have their lives in front of them.  I'm going to Camp Widow in August and I'm hoping that I can get some insight and tools so that I can feel better about being alive without Mike.  I think another reason that I feel this way is that I'm lonely - I miss the companionship, friendship, the kissing and cuddling, knowing that there is someone at home waiting for me or coming home to me.  I miss the laughter and the quiet moments, the loving looks from across the room when our eyes met, laying next to him reading books or watching tv together.  Yes, I'm lonely and the thought of 'dating' turns my stomach. So, I just trudge a long day by day wondering when I'm going to feel better and if I will ever be happy again. I'm glad we widows have this club because I know I'm not alone.

 

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Permalink Reply by juliefx on June 15, 2011 at 4:26pm

jrclowery i agree with you  i would never think of suicide as we have 2 children one is 27 and 29 plus 3 grandchildren i would never do that to them,just like you the thought of dating turns my stomach,there was only one man for me and that was my micky,i will plod on and hope that one day i will find life easier to cope without micky.lots of love to all god bless

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Permalink Reply by mem5711 (Denise) on September 5, 2011 at 12:44pm

I feel the same way ..... don't want to be home and don't want to go out. I put a smile on and go about my business...but inside I'm sobbing:(((  My husband Andre' died August 12th, the day before our first grandson's 5th birthday ....all our grandsons (3) have August birthdays. I miss him so much...I built my life for 30 years around him. I see him everywhere...in my children's smiles...in their eyes...the way they walk. I just wish he was here to give me a hug....I think I miss that most of all.

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Permalink Reply by Susan B on September 6, 2011 at 10:51am

oh, gosh, everything is so new and raw for you. I hope you can find comfort in your family, and hope you can be honest with them about how you are feeling, but remember, we are here always for you, because we understand the need to let go and FEEL the grief, express it, not hold back for someone else's comfort. 

Best wishes and virtual hugs to you, as you heal on this journey.

Susan

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Permalink Reply by mem5711 (Denise) on September 6, 2011 at 3:26pm

Thanks Susan.....I'm having a much better day today. Spent it with my 13 month old grandson....if he can't make me smile....nothing will:)))))

 

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