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Three days after my husband died suddenly, I had to give up my puppy. He is a giant breed and my husband and I were raising/training him together to become my therapy dog for Complex PTSD.

I couldn't take care of him by myself because I've got a bad knee. My husband knew this and it was part of our plans. So much for plans. This left me with no choice but to surrender my puppy back to his breeder.

Because of my-not-so-wonderful marriage, I miss my puppy more than my husband. I know that might sound crass. It's my truth; my reality.

Yet I cannot raise the puppy on my own. My son has physical issues and cannot help raise the puppy either. I had a lot of anger about having to make this decision and having to do it alone. My son agrees that it was the healthiest decision for all involved.

When the breeder's husband arrived to get my puppy, I was quite thankful I had made the decision I did. He told me that based on the size the nearly 1 year old puppy was that he would be like his grandfather and top 185 pounds! That's about 30 pounds more than standard size.

I sent my puppy away with his birthday toys which I had bought him early and bags upon bags of all the toys my husband and I had bought him over the last nearly 10 months.

Friday the pup is 1 year old.

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What  ever  problems  you have in addition  to  your losses  talk  it  over  with  your  doctor  and  your  therapist.   If you  cannot  take  care of  a  dog  thst  would  be  bigger  than  you  are...maybe  in  time you  will  find  the  loving  companionship  of a tiny  dog.  Not  to  take  the  place of  your  puppy  but  to  comfort  you. We  all  carry  crosses  when  we  have physical  limitations-  so  take it  one  day  at  a  time.  Don't  dwell  on  having  given  up  the  pup- it's done.  Go  forward  now.

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