Three days after my husband died suddenly, I had to give up my puppy. He is a giant breed and my husband and I were raising/training him together to become my therapy dog for Complex PTSD.
I couldn't take care of him by myself because I've got a bad knee. My husband knew this and it was part of our plans. So much for plans. This left me with no choice but to surrender my puppy back to his breeder.
Because of my-not-so-wonderful marriage, I miss my puppy more than my husband. I know that might sound crass. It's my truth; my reality.
Yet I cannot raise the puppy on my own. My son has physical issues and cannot help raise the puppy either. I had a lot of anger about having to make this decision and having to do it alone. My son agrees that it was the healthiest decision for all involved.
When the breeder's husband arrived to get my puppy, I was quite thankful I had made the decision I did. He told me that based on the size the nearly 1 year old puppy was that he would be like his grandfather and top 185 pounds! That's about 30 pounds more than standard size.
I sent my puppy away with his birthday toys which I had bought him early and bags upon bags of all the toys my husband and I had bought him over the last nearly 10 months.
Friday the pup is 1 year old.
What ever problems you have in addition to your losses talk it over with your doctor and your therapist. If you cannot take care of a dog thst would be bigger than you are...maybe in time you will find the loving companionship of a tiny dog. Not to take the place of your puppy but to comfort you. We all carry crosses when we have physical limitations- so take it one day at a time. Don't dwell on having given up the pup- it's done. Go forward now.