I lost my husband of 29 years suddenly 7 weeks ago. I feel like I’m going backwards, I miss and love and grieve more every day. I still look for him everywhere. Friends and family have stopped calling and coming by. Everyone thinks I need to move on. Do more, get out. I have no motivation, to do anything. We were both retired, he for 2 years, me for 3 years. I’m so lonley sad depressed.
My sympathy to you in your loss of your beloved husband of 29 yrs. All your tears, your sadness, your depression and feeling lost and lonely are expected and common symptoms of the grief you are experiencing! We here at WV get it because we have all been where you are right now. Let me tell you first to ignore the advice of friends and family to "move on...do more...get out". They haven't got one clue as to the reality of what you are going through!!! And unless they become widowed they never will! Ignore their words!. Most of us have experienced family and friends disappearing into the woodwork or somewhere out there...ending contact with us. Ignore them too. Your grief is new and fresh and raw at 7wks! It will take more time to even begin to want to move forward. For now take care of yourself. Eat well and get sleep. Don't turn to junk food, alcohol or tobacco to calm or cheer you because it's not the answer and they will weaken you and addict you to hurtful things disguised as helpers. Read about grief. Look for things you enjoy--small things and do those first. Don't set up a timeline to end your grief - they don't work. You could try counseling or a support group to discuss your loss when you are ready. Wait on jumping to drugs for instant relief....they can help but you do not want dependence on them to enter your life before you have given yourself mourning time/reflecting and planning time. Baby steps moment by moment. Don't be afraid of your strange unwanted feelings of being lost. You are not lost. You found us and you will find others things to help as well....little by little. Post anytime you want. We will listen and understand. You will find a new path in time. And I promise there is healing for your grief but you must give it time to unfold. lj
Thank you. I’m so sad and miss my husband so much every day every hour every minute
It is so hard to move through grief. It hurts in ways only you can know. Having someone, like this group or local ones, that can listen and not judge can help.
we all realize most friends want to help but many of them are really bad at it! Sending healing thoughts.
I lost my husband of 38 years almost 5 months ago. You are not going backwards Lost, though it does feel that way. Trust in the future and trust in you - for you will pull through. Truth is, you are navigating one of the most difficult seas , but always there - not today and maybe not tomorrow -but one day shelter, sunshine, calm. Take your time Lost. It is okay.
Friends and family do rally initially through love and support which is a beautiful gift-but they too grieve and they too need time to re-adjust to the loss of your husband who was and still is and will remain a vital thread to their own existence present and past. They too grieve.
The suggestion of moving on is simply what everyone wants for you to do -for they do not want to see you in pain. It pains them too. But of course moving on is not that easy as we know.
I have thrown myself into volunteering and on line courses. I don't get joy from it yet, but I am certain that with time the well will slowly begin to fill.
Blessing to you Lost.
The other's comments are all true. Trust in yourself. I'm 41/2 months in and still very sad, but I have been able to do a little more with more consistency. Although believe me, its not much.
I call and go see people when I'm ready, which is mostly a physical thing, sometimes I just don't feel like calling or visiting. Others will be awkward (I find other widows(ers) are easiest to talk to) but it helps refresh me to see others, exercise, even just go to the store. One step, one day, one month, one year at a time is all we can do. Hang in there
Hello Lost. I lost my husband, 56, four months ago. We, too, were married for 29 years. His passing was 3 years coming. Even knowing his disease would kill him, it did little to prepare me for the overwhelming and gut-wrenching sadness and grief. I feel worse each day, too. I found that most friends went back to their normal lives (as they should) quickly. The few very dear and close friends continue to ask me to do things or go places. I am honest with them and decline when I'm not up to it, or cancel last minute if I'm not up to it. I asked them to understand and please don't give up on me. Our closest friends understand and respect my wishes.