Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by J in Florida on October 10, 2018 at 3:05pm

Sorry for the loss, we are going through it as well and can truly appreciate and understand where you're coming from. It sucks, plain and simple. You will get a lot of the "get over it and just move on" out there, but not here. It's an unfortunate part of this, but we have to deal with it. Best wishes to you and know you are not alone.

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Permalink Reply by vintage56(barb) on October 10, 2018 at 4:29pm

yes, here you are not alone. We have all been through it and still go through it. Listen to yourself and don't get caught up in the "shoulds" -- I should be doing this or that. You will know when the time is right, and in the meantime, if you want to spend all day in bed or in your PJ's, that is the right thing for you to do at this time. And don't pay too much attention to other people - they are uncomfortable with grief, so they want you to be "all better." Lots and lots of hugs.

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Permalink Reply by barbee on October 10, 2018 at 5:02pm

When your mate leaves this earth, whether it was sudden or after a lingering illness, you are deeply wounded. As in, DEEPLY. If it had been a surgery or a broken bone, no one would expect you to be totally over it in seven weeks. Those of us on  this site know what you are experiencing. Your full-time job now needs to be taking care of yourself. Eat well and sleep, if you can. As the days and weeks progress you'll be able to do those things more easily. Then, as you gain strength, other things will be added and fall into place in their own time. Meanwhile, be patient with yourself. I'm over six years out and still feel like I am recovering. It takes time -- lots of time. (((HUGS)))

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Permalink Reply by laurajay on October 10, 2018 at 5:14pm

Dearest  Lost,

   My  sympathy  to you in your  loss of your   beloved  husband  of  29 yrs.  All   your  tears,  your sadness,  your depression and  feeling lost and lonely  are  expected  and common  symptoms  of the  grief you are experiencing!  We  here  at  WV get it  because   we have  all  been where you are  right now. Let me tell  you  first  to ignore  the  advice  of  friends  and  family  to "move on...do more...get out".  They haven't got  one clue  as to the reality  of what you  are going through!!!  And  unless  they become widowed they  never  will!   Ignore  their  words!.  Most of us  have  experienced  family and  friends  disappearing  into  the woodwork  or somewhere  out  there...ending  contact  with us.   Ignore  them too.  Your  grief is  new and fresh  and raw  at  7wks!  It will take  more  time  to even begin  to  want  to move  forward.  For  now   take care  of yourself.  Eat  well and  get sleep.  Don't  turn to  junk food, alcohol or  tobacco to  calm or cheer  you  because  it's  not  the answer  and  they  will weaken  you  and  addict  you to hurtful  things  disguised  as  helpers.    Read  about grief.  Look for  things  you  enjoy--small things  and  do those  first.  Don't  set  up a timeline to  end  your grief  - they  don't  work.  You could try  counseling  or a support group to discuss  your loss  when you are ready. Wait  on  jumping  to drugs for  instant  relief....they  can help  but  you  do not want dependence  on them  to  enter your life  before  you have  given yourself  mourning  time/reflecting  and  planning  time.  Baby steps   moment  by moment.  Don't  be afraid  of your  strange unwanted  feelings of  being  lost.  You  are not  lost.  You  found  us  and  you will  find  others things  to help  as well....little  by little.  Post  anytime  you want.  We  will listen  and  understand.  You  will find  a new  path in time.    And  I promise  there  is  healing  for  your grief but you must give it time to unfold.       lj

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Permalink Reply by Callie2 on October 10, 2018 at 5:46pm

Sorry for the loss of your husband.  Seven weeks is a very short period of time and to think you should be moving forward is very unrealistic. Grief is a process that takes a lot longer and is different for all of us. It is important to deal with your feelings now so that healing can begin even though it is painful — this is the healthiest way forward. It is OK to be feeling the way you do, it is quite normal. Understand that there is no timetable for grief. No one can predict how long it will take but you will get there one day. Have you reached out for support through grief counseling or group bereavement? This is a very good site to share and express your feelings. Everyone here understands, just try and be patient with yourself.

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Permalink Reply by Rainy (Misty) on October 25, 2018 at 6:50am

7 weeks is a very short distance from the initial shock.  At this point, I'd think your mind is just now trying to process the enormity of your loss.  I'm 10 months out and still doing the same things as you but to a lesser extent.  The way I describe it is my heart hasn't quite caught up with my brain.  

You'll have so many people telling you what you should do unless they've been here they don't know what you should do.  They can't get it no matter how much they think they understand.  With us "members of the tribe"  it's a unique situation we understand and get it for sure but every single one of us is different with needs and hurts that are individual to us. Stay true to what feels right for you, and always know one day, someday it will get easier.  

Yes, ppl do chk in less and less but that's part of our journey we have to learn to be brave, self-sufficient, and self-reliant.   It doesn't happen overnight for sure!

HUGS and best wishes, you aren't alone in this.  Keep posting and reading it's amamzing how helpful it is just reading someone say, "I get you."  

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