I can't answer your question but I'm interested in the replies as well.
Greetings.. I'm New here.. My Liz passed away 2 1/2 years ago after a 5 year battle with ALS... I really didn't think about looking for someone. I had my 2 kids to worry about after all. I was lucky enough to have a great group of friends and family to keep Me from getting into that Dark place a experience like this can push us into.. Long story short I very recently got remarried. I realize to some people it sounds crazy. The person you meet needs to understand that in a way they have to share you with your lost spouse in a way. I'm lucky in that my wife was friends with My late wife and our kids played together when they were little. I hadn't seen my now new wife in over 10 years when we reconnected but she knew what I had been through and what she was taking on starting to date Me. For Me it's not about replacing Liz it's about continuing to live and show my kids that life and happiness is not over. Gosh I hope any of that made sense.
Glad you found someone, Mark.
I think the one thing that would most help find and look after new love is being completely honest with yourself about how you feel and what you want, if you can do that then you can trust your own judgement and work things out as you go along. Unfortunately that’s much easier said than done, when new and old love collide it’s bewildering and difficult to work out how you feel in the first place. You can’t be honest with yourself about how you feel when your feelings just don’t make sense to you.
There’s a thought experiment I used to help me understand how a new love would fit into my heart. Imagine you’re in a romantic relationship with someone else and a genie knocked on your door telling you that one of your late spouse’s friends had whished for him to be alive and happy again. As a courtesy to you the genie wants you to choose how he goes about granting the wish: he can make it so that you and your late spouse are together again and your new love is happy with someone else; or he can leave you and your new love together and make it so that your late spouse is alive and happy with someone else. Either way your late spouse would be alive again and happy, so the choice is all about what you want. How would being faced with that choice make you feel? Where are you now and where do you want to be? There’s no right or wrong answers here, you are who you are.
I posted this link to an article in another discussion but thought it would be appropriate here. I make no judgements I am just passing it along.
great article Mike. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks very much for sharing that article, Mike. I do so wish there weren't so many 'judgy' people out there ... on so very many widowed topics.
That was a terrific article. Thanks, Mike.
Great article.. Raised eyebrows.. Oh My yes we still get that. Everyone is different and what worked for Me most certainly may not for the next person.
Get through the grief first & foremost - at least for a couple of years, after that its more all about you than your deceased spouse ...
Grief can force a person into making bad decisions out of loneliness, sadness, low self esteem, etc ...