It's been four months. The kids were there, my family and a host of his friends. I am now feeling my sorrow deep down and not as superficial as it was just a week ago. But, I also feel a certain amount of relief. Relief that he is no longer sick and in pain, relief that all the "well-wishers" are done saying their piece. I am back to just being me and my fond memories of the man I loved and still love.
One of my patients asked me if I wished him back...yes, as long as he was not sick or in pain. I'm still not ready for this new life, but I am handling it and staying busy.
Huge Pet Peeve, finding out that folks are asking my Mom how I am doing, instead of just asking me. I'm not a china doll and will not break. Besides I like talking about my husband and the life we had together. He was the funniest person I know and I miss having him around for the fun things and thoughts that only we would understand.
I want to thank WV for being here for me at my darkest and if I go back to the dark, I know you will be here for me.
Issie...if you are sure about having the huge pet peeve....tell your mother if anybody further asks her how you are doing...you'd appreciate it if she would answer by telling them to contact you directly because you'd enjoy having a word with them yourself. Just be prepared if she does this and they contact you directly...you risk the chance that they may say something hurtful, inappropriate or just plain stupid to you~ it happens all the time. People are mostly awkward about talking about death. And with good intentions they frequently misspeak ( Four mo. is very fresh grief...take it easy...give it more time. lj.
Thank you, LJ, I understand the awkwardness. I am an End-of-Life care nurse, I hear it all the time. Folks not asking me how I am doing directly makes me feel isolated. I am in need of some togetherness, my co-workers have been wonderful. Now I need family and friends about me. I live in a very small rural community, some days it feels like no one cares that my husband is no longer here.
Izzie. Perhaps people have not forgotten and really do care but in the hustle of life today sometimes those not affected with grieving personally choose to move forward and really do not understand what kind of support/understanding the grieving person most needs. You can always find someone here to share your feelings and understand. if you are an end of life nurse you already know people are not comfortable with the subject and many have no idea at all how to express their sympathy. Remember we do best if we live by the truths we know and remember feelings are feelings and they are changeable! But truth is pretty constant and not the fickle friend that our feelings can be~ in your heart you know people do care-hold on to that as truth. lj