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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It's been four months.  The kids were there, my family and a host of his friends. I am now feeling my sorrow deep down and not as superficial as it was just a week ago.  But, I also feel a certain amount of relief. Relief that he is no longer sick and in pain, relief that all the "well-wishers" are done saying their piece. I am back to just being me and my fond memories of the man I loved and still love.

One of my patients asked me if I wished him back...yes, as long as he was not sick or in pain. I'm still not ready for this new life, but I am handling it and staying busy.

Huge Pet Peeve, finding out that folks are asking my Mom how I am doing, instead of just asking me.  I'm not a china doll and will not break.  Besides I like talking about my husband and the life we had together. He was the funniest person I know and I miss having him around for the fun things and thoughts that only we would understand. 

I want to thank WV for being here for me at my darkest and if I go back to the dark, I know you will be here for me.

~~Izzie

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Issie...if you are  sure  about  having the huge pet peeve....tell  your mother  if anybody  further  asks  her how you are  doing...you'd appreciate  it if  she  would answer by telling  them to contact  you directly  because  you'd  enjoy  having a  word with them yourself.  Just  be prepared  if she  does  this  and   they contact you directly...you  risk the  chance  that they  may  say something  hurtful, inappropriate  or just  plain  stupid to you~  it happens all the time.  People  are mostly awkward  about talking  about  death.   And  with good intentions they frequently  misspeak    ( Four  mo. is very fresh  grief...take it easy...give it more time.      lj.

Thank you, LJ, I understand the awkwardness.  I am an End-of-Life care nurse, I hear it all the time. Folks not asking me how I am doing directly makes me feel isolated. I am in need of some togetherness, my co-workers have been wonderful.  Now I need family and friends about me.  I live in a very small rural community, some days it feels like no one cares that my husband is no longer here. 

Izzie.  Perhaps  people  have  not forgotten and  really  do care  but in the  hustle  of life  today  sometimes  those  not  affected  with grieving personally  choose  to move  forward  and  really  do not understand  what  kind  of support/understanding  the  grieving  person most needs. You  can always  find someone  here  to share  your  feelings and understand.  if you are an end of life  nurse  you already  know people  are not comfortable  with the subject  and  many have  no idea  at all  how  to express their  sympathy.  Remember  we  do best  if we  live  by the truths  we know and  remember  feelings  are  feelings  and they are changeable!   But  truth is  pretty constant  and  not   the fickle  friend that our feelings can be~   in your heart  you know  people  do care-hold  on to that  as  truth.         lj    

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