I love going through the forum and reading the stories. They have helped me so much, and give me a lot to think about. So here's just some of my thoughts. When my husband was first diagnosed and I knew how it was going to end, a friend told me how things would happen. Like the fact that after the funeral people would most likely disappear, and they did. Shortly after Mike died, a good friend of mine had a real bad accident. I wanted to go see my friends spouse because we are good friends also. But I was afraid to go for fear that she might feel like seeing me meant doom for her husband. I know it sounds silly but it's true that when you become a widow its almost as if you have an infectious disease, or are cursed. Couples are actually afraid of you, not you really but the possibility of what can happen to them. They don't want you to rub off on them. They don't want to feel that way, it's just the way it is sometimes. I lost my dad years ago, so when Mike passed I had a good idea of what our son would be going through.During the first part of thr first year we would bicker and he couldn't understand why I was still so sad. Yes, he's sad but he lost his dad not his wife, the mother of his kids, his soulmate, and all that. I feel bad when I think to myself that he too might someday feel this kind of loss. When my dad passed I was heartbroken, and I was amazed at the strength and dignity my stepmom showed. I didn't really understand how she was doing it. Now,30 years later, my hubby passes and I get it. I feel so guilty for not realizing how much she probably needed me, and that I didn't see all of her pain. I just thought she was incredibly strong. I don't want my son to feel that way later, but he might end up taking a walk in my shoes. I don't wish this pain and anguish on my worst enemy. Ok, well thats all I have for now. We will make our way in our own personal journeys. Lotsa love to all of us. Janet
36 years ago my dad passed away . He was everything to me. I was his princess. I couldn't imagine anyone hurting more than me. Yes, he and my mom had been high school sweethearts. Yes, they had been married 43 years and had faced so many life challenges together. But I didn't see how her pain could be worse than mine. I still remember fussing at her about a misspelled word on the obituary and "forcing" her to go to a family gathering that she obviously didn't want to attend. But, as always, she put my needs before her own. Now, since my husband of 47 plus years has passed I understand the pain that she must have felt. I too thought it was just her nature to be strong. After all, she was the one everyone depended on in good times and in bad. When she spoke about loneliness I really didn't get it. Whenever I would question her or "argue" with her she would simply say. "Just keep living." Now I truly understand and when my own children feel as if they have all the answers and the emotional metal to handle any loss "rationally" I say, "Just keep living"! Some things we have to experience for ourselves to really understand. Take care.