A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Oh suzy how sad I am for your loss. We do have one thing in common though my Keith died on the same day as your Jim. He died at 6.30am at home. We had home hospice and it was his wish to die at home. I am glad I could grant his last wish.
Like you I miss Keith every day and always will. To me each day brings a new challenge. So far so good, I am still meeting them, not always well, but I am still meeting them.
I'm not a fan of Mother's Day. Jon died Mother's Day weekend. (my last memory around that time is seeing him being wheeled away for organ donation surgery. On Mother's Day.) I try to stay as kind as I can to people who insist on sending me texts and Facebook posts, because they're really just trying to be nice.
I don't know how to explain to people who don't already understand that I am not a fan of the holiday. I can't change how I remember it, and I can't not think of it that way anymore. I usually just like to hide.
Tomorrow is D-Day for me. I have something planned. Oddly, it's raining, which was Jon's favorite weather out here. I'm going hiking, (rain or shine), up in the mountains, because I haven't gone since about six months before he died. It's another "first" I've put off for a long time.
If it rains tomorrow, it will be just like the last time we went hiking together. It was beautiful, (even if it was cold.) I'm looking forward to it. Then, I'm looking forward to getting May over with. This is not my favorite month.
I detest the fact that "everyone say" this or that as if they know what is best for you or your family. I am sure that it happens to a lot of widows. I also dislike the fact that people say "you have to do it", as force even gentle force makes me buck in the other direction.
If you don't feel ready then you don't feel ready. Just because everyone says you have to do this for the boys doesn't make it right for you.
If you are not ready then maybe it is not the right time to go there and other peoples expectations are not the thing any of us has to follow right now.
You will go when you are ready to. Forcing yourself may not be the best idea for you, the death of your husband is not like falling off a horse - getting back on again is impossible. Life has to be rebuilt slowly for you to be strong enough to face some things. I remember dreading facing the spot on the road where my first husband was killed in an accident and it took me 2 years before I was able to do it. That said I was not pushed into doing it at all, everything I did was at my pace then and it is at my pace this time too. My stubborn streak gets going if people push me to do something, so it is a bit of a protective mechanism.
You are probably stronger than you think, but if you find that you end up going to the cabin take someone with you who is stong too. This is a suggestion to help you and the boys along the way and give all of you a person to lean on.
Take care of yourself and take it easy on yourself. You have to do the grieving the right way for you and your family, not the way you are told to grieve by me or anyone else. The journey is your journey to work through.
(((hugs))) to you and the boys
Mothers Day never has been, and never was a big deal to me. I had a quiet day with my sons, we were able to play outside. The night was very hard, the next day was the 6 month mark since Mike passed. Hated being alone, but got through.
Now it seems my upcoming birthday is what's really getting me. The coupon for the free Red Robin burger that we always did on each of our birthdays. He took me to a MLB game around this time as a birthday present. I even think about baseball or see the name of the stadium it brings tears to my eyes, thinking I should be there now. Maybe i could still do these things, but what's the point by myself. Yes, I have my kids but when they really can't talk to you, and nothing against them I need some adult company, someone that will talk and hug back. Then the bother of finding a sitter. Really, other than my mom I doubt anyone would know otherwise. I am not showing it on my FB profile anymore. I did find out through Twitter one of the members here has the same birthday as me, which was cool. But then I get all the reminders in my email. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I am going to be alone, fighting off all the memories, or that I don't have anyone that I can get comfortable enough to talk about this to. I feel I need to put on the I'm ok act when all the people for my kids are here, my parents, whoever. Even my children. It most likely will come out in the middle of the night. Like I sleep anyway... I'm just thinking about him a lot today and really off. This birthday thing is just something I want to be over.