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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

A forum for members who have suffered a two or more losses: partner and child, partner and parent, partner and any other significant person in your life.

Note that we also have formed a group to help you identify others for friendship and sharing:

"More than one loss".

 

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This totally hits home for me. I lost my husband in an accident on March 20, 2009, and my daddy died from cancer 9 months later on Dec 21st. Where I got the strength to get through them both is still a mystery.
Kim, please stick around -- we expect to have a considerable group of folks who can relate, which is why we added the topic -- but it may take a few weeks to get them all on board! Thanks for helping us get the conversation going. X!
My husband (of 25 years) died suddenly in December of 2007.  His mother died, mostly unexpectedly, 5 months later.  I was still in so much pain and fog from Jim's death that I don't think I was able to fully grieve her death, even though I was with her when she died.  I was mostly envious that she would be seeing Jim and I was still stuck in my hell on earth.
Matt died in November of 2008, four months later our good friend/coworker Jeff died unexpectedly from a brain bleed (he was only 38), and then one of my two favorite uncles died a few months after that from lung cancer. Don't know if that's considered a double loss, but it sure was a cluster----.

My husband John, passed away on April 30, 2007 after suffering a brain aneurysm on May 19, 2006.  My sister passed away in September 2007 from Ovarian cancer.  It amazes me that I can't remember the exact date of her death but I was in a total fog.  We have a very close family but unfortunately they were busy looking after my sister when my husband died and really couldn't be there for me as much as they would have been, when my husband died.  I also could not be there for them and mainly my sister.  I am still working on my anger and shock at their expectations of me.  I also don't know if I have really grieved the loss of my sister or if I was going through both.  It was pretty overwhelming.

I was there when both of them died.  John suffered so much.  He had developed pneumonia from aspirating during a seizure.  He was struggling so hard to breathe as his body was shutting down.

My sister passed away so peacefully and it was such a relief that she didn't suffer.  I just felt like she was an angel now.  She was an angel on earth, so she is definitely one in heaven.

I had some thoughts about what you might call multiple losses, but I thought they were a little off topic for this forum, so I created a seperate one, if anyone is interested:

http://widowedvillage.org/forum/topics/widowed-again-were-you-would...

On January 11, 2009 my husband of 25 years and my oldest son died together in a plane crash in Colorado. My husband piloted the private plane we owned and my son was the co-pilot on that fateful day. No one else was onboard. My son was married to a sweet girl, had a 1-year-old son of his own and was expecting a baby girl in the next couple of months. I live in California and they were flying back and forth renovating a small ranch we had purchased. We had an exciting event to prepare for! My middle son would be married there shortly. We owned a construction company and had lots of work in store to prepare for the upcoming event.

 My life until then was like a fairy tale. I had a family of 3 boys (well….4 counting my husband) and my life was full! I couldn’t ask for anything more. Family was a priority and we spent a lot of time together believing that it was the most important thing that we could do. We’ve had an illustrious baseball career as a family, being that all 3 boys played it well and my husband was always involved as a coach. My oldest played division 1 college ball, my middle son is in the minor leagues and my youngest son followed in his oldest brother's footsteps playing college baseball.

 I was always the one at Bible study who said “Lord, I’m your servant but don’t bring disaster upon me because I’m not sure I could handle THAT! God works in so many other people’s lives through tragedy but PLEASE don’t let it happen to me!” So unexpectedly, here I am, trying to make sense with God about the unexplainable and the incomprehensible. My difficult journey has begun.

 God is faithful and without Him, I’m not sure where I would be. He’s been my rock and my comforter just like He promises! He's opened my eyes to family and friends that want to support me and He's reminded me that being in a community of people that share the same experience is a rich source of blessing.

wannabmartha, ((((((hugs))))))).
I was raised in a very Catholic family and I do have faith but not like those that really feel better being close to GOD.  My sister always feels better praying but it just doesn't work well with me.  In the beginning of my grieving process I was so mad at GOD - that is over now but my relationship with GOD hasn't changed even before the deaths of my husband and MOM. xoxo Jean
Husband and Mom - double loss and it knocked me on my butt...Hate to bring it up with friends and my daughters - I feel like I'm "debbie downer" but it's always on my mind and it's how I feel.  Love to have a good laugh - found it's my best medicine but then it's time to go to sleep and holy Cr_p the sad thoughts come back into my head.  I never realized how great and easy going my life was until all this happened.  My best friend had a stroke in May and she was such a help to me - not I have to be strong for her and I am but damn it isn't easy - I'm exhausted after visiting her. I know it's work to heal but I'm getting real tired
I know what you mean when you say that the work it takes to heal is exhausting! I needed (and still do) to rely on a team of family, friends and experts to help carry the load. It's too hard to do it alone. Then the night comes, when the sadness and tears take over. I never thought I'd be able to say it but time has eased the pain and the nights aren't as difficult as they used to be.

I lost my husband Charly on August 17th 1999.  He went to work, collapsed and died.   My family didnt know what to do, but we stayed together and worked hard at healing.   A year later God blessed me with my James.   He was a wonderful husband and step dad.  He was my love, and my best friend.   We found out he had cancer a couple of months into our relationship but we stayed together and got married and rode the cancer roller coaster with each other hanging on tight.   He lost his brave battle on November 19th 2010.   Now I am just trying to pick up the pieces again and move forward.   There is comfort here in knowing I am not alone.   Love to all.

Peggy

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