Your friends should never tell you how to feel.
Only you feel what you feel. There is no right or wrong.
But to answer ... only once have I felt angry with C for dying. And it broke my heart afterwards.
It is what it is. Anger isn't a very common emotion for me to feel. I don't feel comfortable with it. So I guess maybe my friends are wondering why I don't feel angry. LOL.
I do have times of anger, but not at my husband. I get angry at life, sometimes at the decisions that were made during his treatment, sometimes at myself. It's an emotion I can't sustain for very long at the moment, but that might change?
My grandmother was also widowed in her forties when my grandfather died suddenly (an accident). She was angry at my Pa at first, but regretted that instantly. Instead, she got angry at life being unfair. She tells me now that anger got her through the darkest times of her life, that without it, she might not have been able to carry on. I think maybe she hardened her heart a little too much in order to survive, and that might have isolated her from happier times for many years. Still, I wasn't her; I didn't have to get through what she faced at that time.
She's mellowed of late and it's wonderful to be sharing a house with her just now, to have her understanding, her reassurance and love.
I really did not feel angry. It didn't make sense to me to feel that way. I respect others who experience anger. I judged myself for not feeling angry. I tried to feel angry. I thought it would help me to "complete all the stages of grief."
Now I feel totally complete in my grief. It has helped enormously to be part of Widowed Village because what my grief needs is to be recognized and respected as unique to me.
I've felt angry a few times. Mostly I just felt despair though. One time I was so angry I started throwing things into the cupboard after grocery shopping. I have been angry at him for leaving us even though it wasn't his fault. I was never mad at god either, because i am not religious either. I went through the whole range of emotions, but anger didnt hit me as much as the desperation did...i was desperately sad, scared...everything Jill mentioned above.
Everyone grieves differently, its ok if you didnt feel angry. But it might happen one day.