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Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


To anyone reading my 1st post...

To be honest, this seems strange to do. “ Outpour my emotions and great sadness, onto a blank screen.

Not knowing if I can or will “connect” with anyone, who may have gone through, what my children and I are

go through. I suppose from the start, we have at least one thing in common, like you, I’m a widow too.

So I will now tell you my lose and how it has destroyed us to the core:

My wife died on the 3rd of November, 2018 and got buried on the 23rd of November. Like you I suppose,

both dates and time line are etched in my memory for me and children’s lifetime.

Where my wife’s passing maybe different, my wife was a alcoholic and wasn’t the nicest of persons to be around.

Sadly she had to be removed from our family home (2 & 1/2 years ago) and I became the sole parent. So when

my wife died, there was no “void” in our home, to speak off. My children (22,19 & 16) and I had already adapted.

So I’m brief, this is my condensed story, with all stories, there are more chapters to discuss, perhaps another time...

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Hello Charlie - all I am going to say is that my heart goes out to you and your kids...stay with each other and support each other.  

Thanks Timelord, we are supporting each other. It’s just that we feel cheated by not only death, but how life panned out for us all...

Thank you. I know our everyone' different, but I too feel cheated...and struggling in many ways at an age where that wasn't... supposed to be...

Hi Charlie, I'm sorry for your loss and the complications.  It's certainly safe to share anything here and it's healing to tell and re-tell your story.  The loss of a future that "should" have been, is just as devasting often times as the loss of a person.  As time goes on you'll learn there are so many layers of grief.  

Hi Rainy,

Thanks for your kind message and wisdom. To be truthful, at this present moment in time, I also feel cheated by life, I suppose like you too. Purely because i did everything possible, to not only change her ways. But to also dispute what the professionals were not doing anything. I'm not however, trying to point a finger and blame anyone.

I have also grieved for many years, seeing how the love of my life, was destroying her life slowly. I've also received Christmas cards recently, purely for her only and I've had to write letters explaining that my wife has passed. You are also right, there are many layers to grief and I'm slowly discovering them. Reading back what I have just written, I can clearly "see" anger in between the sentences. So I'm sorry for ranting Rainy, thanks for listening...

So sorry for your loss....I have found over the years that the circumstances revolving around the loss of a loved one does not necessarily lessen the grief. You and your children have still lost someone who was a part of you. Hopefully, this site will help you to see that you are not alone. Hopefully, something can be said that will give you and your children hope for  the future. Be kind to one another and take care of each other. Whatever you are feeling don't think it is strange or not normal. 

Hi Diva70,

You speak with great wisdom and insight, yes I truly have lost my lover, wife and mother to our children. And because I knew my wife the longest, my children turn to me for positive stories and I tell them with glee. They have also become very protective over me, which is also very indearing and humbling. So amongst the sad times and grief, they do put a smile on my face, with their unconditional love for me and each other.

Hi Diva70,

You speak with great wisdom and understanding of what I’m going through. Your right, regardless of how she passed, I still loved her and I made a vow at the alter, in ...sickness and in health....

Yes our children have lost someone who was very much part of our lives and hopefully this site will guide me to understand grief better. As for my story, I took a leap of faith, not knowing where it would lead, however, so far I’m overwhelmed by the kind thoughts and messages...

HI Charlie-I very much appreciate your candid share. Grief comes in all shapes and sizes. My first marriage of 32 years was rough. Although she was not alcoholic, there were periods where I considered leaving the marriage. I grieved a lot over what could and should have been. I remembered the good times, and then felt angry over the times when she made life tough. That complicated my grief.

But at any rate, I very much appreciate your willingness to share and join us here.

Hi Soulmate, I decided to share how our lives have been affected by drink. As it’s been a “secret” for such a long time, where certain outside friends wrongly judged my wife and her actions. During the dark days of her drinking, I was very angry, due to the damage she was do to our children. I like you really considered to divorce her, but I couldn’t. For deep down I still loved her and that has been my paradox for a very long time. I also griefed  a lot over what should have been. Especially when we should have grown old and retirement together. As for crying over the tough times, there have so many times and resentment crept in, closely followed by anger. As for sharing, it’s part of my grief process and you never know, it may just help someone else...

Very sorry for your loss and the circumstances surrounding it. I can’t imagine all you’ve gone through, it’s quite sad for you and your children. Addiction is hard to understand  or accept. Wishing you and your children peace.


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